New therapists discloser

I believe she could have expressed her openness in other ways - by saying things like "sexuality occurs in a continuum", "it's ok to express your sexuality to whomever you love, etc" or "I don't view anyone differently because of their sexuality". She did not need to share that she had "experimented"; that's what concerns me.

I guess I don't see it as a red flag. Some people are just less inhibited than others. One of my clients gave me a completely unasked for play by play of her latest Brazilian wax. It didn't mean she had ulterior motives, she just isn't embarrassed by it.
I would feel comfortable with a T who was comfortable discussing her own sexuality. I don't think "experimented" is necessarily pejorative. She explored an aspect of herself and decided it wasn't what she was looking for. No big deal.
I don't see any red flags on the therapist's part. It may just mean she is very accepting of the range of human experience.
I DO think its important to remember that no matter where their sexuality falls on the continuum people in a commited partnership are ALWAYS unavailable.....

Yes it does resonate with me, I always want my ts to protect me too. I know they can't and that's what's so painful. I never got anything from my mother no love or affection. So I crave it off my ts and with my last t she ended up becoming my mother. Judging, blaming and critisizing.
New t asked what didn't work with old t and when I told her she asked me to say t I don't want you to blame me, judge me or critisize me.


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Ii wouldn't call it an experiment but a relationship. It's interesting how you call it an experiment and I am curious to know why? Would you call a three month relationship with a make and female an experiment? I wouldn't and what I liked about t was she didn't decriminate between that relationship and others because she believes loves is live no matter what the gender. This is how I will begin to accept myself by not decriminating in my mind and by seeing myself as normal.


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Yes I agree, I have experienced it before and it's always painful. It's a pattern I keep repeating but the result is always the same, I hurt and they go on with their lives.

I will give it a few more session too before deciding. She did disclose for that reason too and thank you for your reply

That last line is so very true. I think that t is just a very open person anyway, and she doesn't believe in a blank slate t. She has lost of gay relatives and friends and she was very curious about my relationships and it really helped to discuss it with someone who understood. I am very isolated as I live in a covert rural part of the country and to just know that someone understood me and really tried to get me was very helpful. Part of ts specialised training is sexuality so she is very comfortable with her own and others.


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I used the word "experimentation" because you stated in your first post that your t disclosed having experimented with women. This is different than her saying she had relationships with women or that she identify' says gay or bi. Experimentation connotes sexual activity without romantic feelings.

I am bi so gender is irrelevant in terms of relationships.

I admire this therapist openness, and would see her in a heartbeat.

I hope she works out well for you.

Yes, I did sorry for projecting the experimentation word onto you. I guess I see it a little like that too, that there is no feelings attached to it but I know there was because its over twenty years later and she still talks about it. I am not sure exactly if they were my words or hers but I know the relationship was more then an experiment for her. Thanks for the response.

I admire it too and am really surprised by it. Thank you for the response

she sounds like a really warm, engaging person. spirited and open. I like that she took an appropriate emotional risk and shared things that ended up making you feel safer. as a queer woman it annoys me when ppl who are not QUILTBAG take issue with the way in which queer bi etc ppl talk about their sexuality among each other. I found nothing about the way she disclosed to you particularly problematic. in fact I like that she didn't discuss it with you in an impersonal way. I would not feel comfortable talking about my sexuality with someone who intellectualized or had no personal experience w/ sexual fluidity. so it's exciting to me that she chose to be so open and kind with you.

I feel the same way, especially as I was stuck in the closet for years and was so ashamed to tell anyone. This t is exactly what I need right now. She knew that this disclosure was going to be good for me. It's different for straight people in therapy and their t starts talking about their sex lives, that would be inappropriate but this wasn't it was healing that she could identify and that it was ok to be gay, bi, straight or whatever as long as you are happy

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[QUOTE=monalisasmile;4824468]I feel the same way, especially as I was stuck in the closet for years and was so ashamed to tell anyone. This t is exactly what I need right now. She knew that this disclosure was going to be good for me. It's different for straight people in therapy and their t starts talking about their sex lives, that would be inappropriate but this wasn't it was healing that she could identify and that it was ok to be gay, bi, straight or whatever as long as you are happy

***"""

I don't think its necessarily inappropriate for straight people though I admittedly very very gay so maybe I am wrong...but lots of straight people have shame, fear,issues etc associated with sex also. If a T said " I also lost my virginity in a situation where I felt x" or " my marriage has had dry spells also but we've managed to work through them" or whatever could be equally helpful and appropriate for a straight person.
Honestly there is no need for first hand experience to be accepting around sexual issues. My T and I discuss my issues as a gay woman and although she is straight she has had a LOT of similar experiences

We LGBTQ people don't have the market on sexual shame cornered.

I don't see the term experimentation as implying meaningless sex without feeling - some people really do explore and have deep feelings for those with whom they do the exploring. The first lover I had would probably say she explored with me before she went back to men. We lived together for 4 years. I do not think it was just about sex and not about romance.

That's probably more my interpretation of experimentation more than what it actually means for different people. I do believe people can experiment and have lots of feelings around that experience.
I myself experimented before and really enjoyed the experience. I guess I just put a negative connotation on it in this instance.
It's interesting how everyone has a different meaning to it!
I think that you have she'd a new light on it for me anyway stopdog.
Just because you are trying something new does not mean it wasn't real or the feelings weren't real at the time.

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[QUOTE=BayBrony;4824576]
I guess that because I feel like a minority that I feel that we are unique sometimes and I forget that sex is sex no matter who is having it.
I disagree that we don't have the market on shame because I have known so many LGBTQ people who have been ashamed and repressed because society does not accept who they are and even their own families have trouble accepting their sexuality.
I have trouble expressing my difficulties with my sexuality with a lot of people and most of the time they just don't understand some of the things we do and they have no desire to try and understand and that's ok we are different but helps to have somebody who understand.s or at least tries to

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[QUOTE=monalisasmile;4824644]
I agree with the idea that we are shamed in lots of ways. I have certainly been there. I was thrown out of the church I belonged to for most of my life and estranged from my family over my sexuality.

But particularly for women sexual assault is so common that there is a LOT of shame associated with sexuality for lots of women. My best friend ended up divorced after 16 years because of intimacy issues in her marriage stemming from her being raped twice in high school . another friend can't shake the feeling that there is something wrong with her because of the degrading things her first serious boyfriend said to her.

Personally I find it helpful to realize that shame and eexual.issues are shared by lots of women and its not just because I'm gay that I have struggled with these things. But you might not he In a place where that is helpful.

I'm not sure that what you are experiencing with her is transference, as that typically takes time to build up...

But I'm glad you think she would be open to honest discussion about your feelings, whatever they are and wherever they come from.

[QUOTE=BayBrony;4824761]
It is helpful to not victimise yourself by putting a label on yourself and segregating yourself further from the norm. I am sorry you have been treated so badly by the church and by family because of your sexuality.
It seems rediculous to treat people so badly over something they can not help or that was done to them involuntarily .

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