I'm so jealous of outside communication

That's interesting she considers it a service. As much as I desperately wish for outside communication, I also feel like it would take away from my T's 'normal' life ie his life outside of work. I suspect that's why he has this rule of no outside communication as well, which I totally understand...I just wish it wasn't the case

my T is pretty good with outside contact.. i can e-mail and text him. we used to talk on the phone a lot more when i needed that kind of support. i find being able to text with him helps me feel connected and also gives me support and reassurance when things are hard.

She does charge for it in 10 min increments after the first 15 minutes. So the first 15 min are free and then she will charge after that. As I have never lasted on the phone for more than 5 min before I have to stop the phone call- it has not come up. I am much more concerned about the woman intruding on me than I am on me intruding on her.

That's great. I would focus on that and consider that some things reported here about between session contact might look better than what it is. What matters is if your therapy is working for you, and it sounds like it is.

I feel exactly the same way.

Yes, I think this too.

I have zero outside contact with my therapist, even scheduling is done through the clinic.

It can feel very painful and very hard. All the posts here has gotten me thinking about how I'd do if I had phone calls or texts.

I think it'd be like what Skyscraper Meow said - Just knowing the option was available and that T "had my back" would be comforting.

I agree with those who say that limiting outside contact only serves to create further pain for the client. It doesn't prevent attachment or discourage dependence. All it really does is heighten those feelings of shame for feeling the way you feel, like it's not considered healthy or acceptable to need support between sessions.

I have the option of contacting both of my therapists, either by text or by email, and I also have the option to call them. I've never really had any outside contact with my private therapist, mostly because she hasn't encouraged it, but my uni therapist has, and I feel more connected to her as well. I'm quite attached to her, and being able to email her as often as I want has been very good for me. The fact that she usually responds is just a bonus, really, though I appreciate it a lot when she does. It makes me feel like I matter to her, and she has also told me that she writes back because I'm "precious" to her and she really wants to. As a result of this my obsessive thoughts have diminished significantly, so I see it as a wholly positive addition to my therapy.

About the physical affection and "I love you" statement, I feel quite torn. My private therapist is very opposed to it, which I know because she has expressed concern about my relationship with my uni therapist. My uni therapist hugged me a week ago and said "I love you" and during the session she also said things like "I just want you to be my girl". It was in response to a misunderstanding between us the week before, though, which happened mainly because I was having a depressive episode and didn't tell her about it, just pretended to be fine instead, and then broke down. Ended up sobbing down the phone to her for 25 minutes a few days before our next session. But my relationship with this woman has meant so much to me, it has been very healing in so many ways, and I love her. I really do. And I am coming to terms with that, because I did freak out when she said "I love you", thinking, "Oh crap, this is the beginning of the end, isn't it?" But then I talked to her on the phone the other day and she seemed completely normal, just showing the usual concern for my wellbeing, so I've calmed down, and I am back to just appreciating the connection I have with her.

I guess my point is that all of these things can be helpful, and I'm sorry you're not allowed to contact your therapist between sessions. At the same time I can understand your hesitation when it comes to switching therapists, because once you find one you like it is a risk to let go of that. Maybe you could try a few others for a couple of sessions, just to see what else is out there?

I'm thankful that I can call and email my T. But as has been mentioned, having outside contact isn't necessarily a better thing. It sucks waiting for a return call or email.

That's a good idea, to try a few sessions with other T's to see what's out there...especially since I just found out my T is moving an hour - 2 hours away

My Ts didn't really accept emails or calls unless it was for a schedule change or an emergency. But I didn't know that when I first started... So after week one, I figured if they give me an email then I can use it. I assumed the same with my group T too, but he actually allows for email.

Anyways. My Ts never complained about my emails. Ex-T preferred me to call just because I had issues with verbalizing. I recently found out that current T never allowed emails when she updated her rules/treatment agreement, etc. I asked her if that meant I had to stop emailing her. She laughed. She told me that rule has been there all along. Oops!

But when I was looking for a new T (when I was thinking of quitting current T), I found that none of them allowed out of session contact... I told current T about that. She said that many don't allow out of session contact. She also said that if I inform the Ts of the BPD, sadly, they will probably judge me and impose stricter boundaries from the start.

Yes, this. Ugh. The wait for the email, checking my phone every two minutes, tummy lurch when her name pops up...yes I'm lucky I can email out of session and get a (not immediate) response, and sometimes it's been very helpful. Sometimes it's made it a bit worse.

Oh man, I HATE the stomach lurch! Even though I've had nothing but positive experiences from my T's responses, I still get nervous. Overall though, I am glad to have that extra support, even if I do feel guilty about it.

I do agree that for me having outside communication is a blessing and a curse. I am grateful I have it for when I need it but am always terrified awaiting her response, she responds pretty instantly so I always put my phone on silent so I don't have to hear her ringtone and then just stare at the phone awaiting the blinking light...

Overtime I was able to lesson my need for her Pavlovian Response, even though I knew if I requested she respond she would.