Twenty minutes.

Twenty minutes. T left for twenty minutes to deal with that other client in crisis. I agreed to it; I just didn't realize it wasn't okay with me until five minutes in. Our session had already started--we were fifteen minutes in.

Twenty minutes T left, after that. Then we finished our last fifteen.

Then T comes back and tells me I feel like a burden because of

Maybe. Maybe T just sucks.

I wonder how that crisis person is doing. Was twenty minutes enough to stabilize them? Am I selfish for resenting them taking my time?

Jesus. Has this happened to you?

You know what, I didn't just agree to it. I recommended it. "Maybe you had better go deal with that. I'll wait."

Now why the **** would I do that if I was just going to be angry about it, later?

Why the **** would T agree?

Your therapist came back and told you that you were a burden?

That is soooooo wrong.

I think you need another therapist.

She should have made up the time with you.

Not precisely. I felt like a burden--like I was overtaxing T and robbing this crisis person of the attention they deserved by sucking up resources with my unimportant problems. I shared this and T told me it wasn't true.

Maybe I still do need another T

Maybe I would feel better if T had. Is it just the time, though? Do other client's crises just happen? I'd like to think, if I were in crisis, I still wouldn't want to step on someone else's therapy hour--but then, a crisis is a crisis. We don't plan them.

Maybe this sort of **** is my T's concern, not mine.

I understand emergencies, but I don't under the therapist not making up the time or not accepting payment. I probably would have left and simply rescheduled. And I believe it is totally the concern of the therapist and not clients.

Could you ring your t now and say that it is really bothering you that you lost all that time? I do feel this is the kind of thing that you should not have to suffer with alone for a whole week or however long it will be before you see her again. None of this was your fault or within your control- I think your t should try to assist you a bit with the feelings it stirred up, sooner rather than later

I'm sorry that you're stuck with trying to answer these questions for yourself. I think you should bring this up to your T in your next appt. (famous last words, huh?). If this had happened to me, which it hasn't yet, I would wonder where T's mind was when s/he returned to my appt. It isn't just about the time......is it?

I would absolutely expect the time to be made up. In fact, if I were the therapist, I'd offer you an extra session at no cost. (I've noticed that my ideas on customer service are not shared by the medical or mental health professions in general, though, so don't hold your breath.)

How did she find about this crisis? Did the client call? Was someone screaming outside? Did she already know about the crisis and just decide to mention it 15 minutes in? And what kind of crisis can be stabilized in 20 minutes?

Yeah, I'd contact her.

At the very least your therapist should have made the time up. Your time is important as well. I understand a crisis comes up but she should respect you and your time as well.

I agree with the others, at the VERY least, she should have made the time up. How did this crisis happen in the middle of your session? Did your T answer a phone call? Was this client waiting outside your T's office?

My T if she ever did that would definitely not take payment. She once told me I didn't have to pay because her door was locked, and she ran over with a client, and by the time she got a hold of me and I came back, i had missed 30 minutes. We ended up doing an entire hour, so I did pay her--but only because I insisted. She would have let me go without it.

Thank you everyone! PC is so unbelievably supportive and helpful, no matter what the problem. To answer your questions, a colleague knocked on the door to inform T of the crisis. I didn't really here what they said, just the gist. We agreed I'd leave and go sit in the waiting room until the crisis was over. Because I'm so agreeable and patient like that ::eyeroll:: Then I sulked.

I've slept on it. We'll talk about it in session next week--I think that's best. I do think T might have ****ed up on this one, objectively, but my subjective reaction is my own. I think I'm okay enough (right now! Wouldn't have been months ago!) to wait through the week.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

This sounds like me - over-eager to see everyone else is taken care of, even at the expense of my own needs. For me it stems from taking care of my mother and my little sister in childhood and my needs always coming last. It's hard learning to be selfish lol.

I agree with you and the others that your T dropped the ball, especially in not making up the time. I hope you get it sorted out with her.

Thanks Yeah, the over-eager to see everyone else taken care of is something I'm working on. It's hard learning to be assertive, I think.

You shouldn't pay for the session. I understand a serious crisis *could* be important, especially since you told her it was okay. But charging you/insurance anyway and ending on time is gross.

Yes you're right, assertiveness is a big part of it. For me it's also learning to value myself and the importance of my own needs.

I don't think I could have held out for twenty minutes in the waiting room. I think I might have left after fifteen. 10 minutes for me is excruciating!!
A similar situation happened to me once with ex-T. She only left for 5 minutes, and left me in her office while she went out to the waiting room to handle a client that wouldn't go away. She also apologized profusely before and after. Our time ran over that extra 5 as well.
I think what your T did was un-professional and un-kind.

I am not so sure I agree with you:

You know what, I didn't just agree to it. I recommended it. "Maybe you had better go deal with that. I'll wait." Is this not just a decent thoughtful thing to do? Should you not be proud of yourself?

Now why the **** would I do that if I was just going to be angry about it, later? Why would you be angry? You did right, you helped someone else, maybe on reflection you might have said, 'go deal with this person, I will call you and reschedule,' but you did not, so it goes, hindsight is easy. Maybe next time.

Why the **** would T agree? Perhaps they felt the other person's need was urgent, perhaps they too on reflection might have said they were sorry and it would be better to reschedule. But they didn't. No one is perfect.

I can't speak for OP specifically, but for a lot of people this kind of situation reinforces a negative self-perception and can also touch on abandonment and other issues. I don't think it's as simple as one action is right and the other is wrong. Especially in the unique space of therapy, where the hour is usually completely about the client. That's one of the most healing things for many people in therapy, so to have that disrupted can be hurtful.

i wonder if OP had actually not agreed to it...and said she prefers she gets her full time in session.... would T have agreed? and left the person in crisis sitting outside?

I agree it's not as simple as right and wrong and very complex feelings can be evoked in these sort of situations.

I appreciate this perspective,because it was basically what I was thinking at the time, too. I think I was genuinely trying to be thoughtful and helpful.

It was when, five minutes later, I started to resent being thoughtful and helpful--started thinking that maybe MY therapy hour should be all about ME, after all--that I got upset. Because I couldn't forgive myself for that twinge of resentment. It felt incredibly selfish, self-absorbed, and like my "problems" must pale in comparison to whatever was going on with this crisis person, so why was I there wasting T's time in the first place? I didn't like that self-hatred at all. It wasn't a happy thought. So I got huffy with T because it feels good to exorcise self-hatred.

Now, it isn't T's fault that my brain works like that. Of course not. But--if we were talking about someone else, here, not me--I would say that maybe T shouldn't have allowed that situation to occur because, hey, is it really surprising when people in therapy act/think like they should be in therapy?

I don't know. It seems complicated. Maybe it isn't.

Yeah, pretty much this. I think it was hurtful BECAUSE there was this expectation that the therapy hour is sort of sacrosanct. I don't get huffy when attention is taken away from me in other situations--really, I don't. I reacted to the interruption like I would have an interruption at the store, or accountant's office, or anywhere else--"Oh, that's fine. I'll wait." And is IS fine, in those situations.

But in this situation, suddenly, it wasn't okay. Because this wasn't the store or the accountants office. I'd been sort of--spoiled, I guess?--by the undivided attention I usually get there.

Probably. But I didn't think I could do a session knowing I was keeping someone else waiting. No-win situation, I guess.