[scorpiosis37]

As I posted previously, my T switched careers unexpectedly and can therefore no longer see me. She and I are still in contact, however, and we have been having coffee/lunch every week or two (at least for now). At first, I felt really good about the transition. I've been in a pretty good place professionally and personally for awhile now, and my T and I discussed that I don't really "need" therapy right now. In fact, at our last lunch, we discussed all of the progress I had made over the past five years and how this felt like the "right" time to transition from T/client into something more like friends. I also told her that, for the first time, it feels like I'm a really healthy relationship (with my gf).

The problem is that, since then (just in the last 2 weeks), things with my girlfriend have taken a turn for the worse. I'm feeling pretty neglected. She hasn't been making time for me and my emotional needs are not getting met. All of a sudden, I've been feeling really alone. Granted, we have both been out of town, but now that we're both IN town, she still isn't making time for me. I tried talking to her about it, and she agreed to make more time. In fact, we got out our calendars and penciled in some plans. The problem is that she ended up cancelling 2 out of 3 of those events. The reason she keeps cancelling is because of her daughter: her daughter has a lot of activities and, naturally, wants her mom to be there for all of her practices. The problem is that I don't understand why she either can't make time for me before or after those activities, or invite me to go with her to an activity once in awhile. It makes me feel like I'm not a priority and she isn't genuinely invested in building a relationship-- and, eventually, a life-- with me. Like, why doesn't she want to start inviting me to her family b-day parties, sporting events, etc? We've been dating almost 5 months, and I still feel like I'm being kept at an arm's distance-- and it is really starting to hurt my feelings. I feel like we either need to take some steps forward, or I need to call it quits before I get even more hurt. The only time she is making for me is breakfast tomorrow-- and she has to leave at noon to go to a niece's b-day party (which I'm not invited to). I don't know whether to really lay my feelings out on the table because it's my only opportunity to see her, or if it's better to just try and have a good breakfast and wait for a better time to talk (maybe later this week?). I don't want to put too much pressure on her because I know she's busy, we've both been out of town recently, and she has a lot going on with family/holidays. The problem is that I feel really hurt, and I can't seem to get myself out of the "sitting on the couch feeling like a sad lump" place. I don't want to ruin my relationship by pushing too hard, but I don't want to be a push-over who neglects my feelings either.

Normally, I would talk to my T about all of this. I would have an appointment on Monday morning, I would go in feeling like a sad lump, tell her all about it, and we would talk it through. And talking to her would make me feel better. But she's not my T anymore. I don't have an appointment (or a lunch) with her this week, and I don't really think it's appropriate to text/e-mail her about my "problem" because it's not her job anymore. Furthermore, if I want to have any relationship with her now that she is no longer my T, I figure that has to be a more mutual, friend-like relationship. And texting her about my problems probably is not the way to develop that. I also don't want her to be disappointed in me-- that one month after therapy has ended, I'm back in a sad place, especially after we JUST talked about how well I've been doing. So, I just feel really alone. I have talked to my friends, but they just haven't been very helpful. They don't make me feel better the way my T does.

The truth is that I miss my T as "T." I like doing therapy with her more than I like having lunch with her. Talking to her over coffee or lunch has been a little bit superficial. The conversations have been rather light, and being in a public place has been distracting. Every time we start to get into a better conversation, there seems to be an interruption. She has also told me quite a few stories about her own life, but they are all pretty small stuff-- she got new kitties, she threw a good-bye party for herself with her co-workers, her kids have had some good achievements. I do care, but I'd also like to talk about feelings, not just "I did X." And, if she doesn't want to share about herself, that's okay-- but I'd still like the opportunity to talk more about my feelings. I'm just not sure that offer is on the table the way it used to be. I don't want to make her "work" over lunch, and I don't know that she wants to, either. I think she would prefer to hear the good things, and believe that I'm doing great. But, right now, I'm not doing great and I don't have anyone to talk to.

Any advice?

[atisketatasket]

Do you have plans to find another therapist? It sounds like it might be a good idea.

[velcro003]

Hmmm. That is tough. I can imagine that when something goes wrong in our life, of course we want T to be there! That is what she did for 5 years! That need doesn't just go away because your T's life circumstances have changed. Of course you need T, and I can completely see how just going out to lunch as "friends" feels off. You know she isn't your T anymore, so you know you can't just e-mail or text when something happens, because she isn't truly a "friend" either.

That is a tough spot to be in, and I do not envy it. The one thing I wouldn't worry about is disappointing her. Things happen, and its easy to fall back into that place of sadness or despair. Even though things have been going well, it seems like maybe you still need therapy--and you probably know that. You WOULD still be in therapy if all of this didn't happen, right?

Advice? I have none. I probably wouldn't call or text her because you really have no idea how the boundaries are right now. I'm sorry your friends aren't being very helpful. I can see how easily this can slip into wanting/needing to talk to your "T" about issues that pop up,yet even though she's in your life still, you don't want to cross some invisible boundary that neither one of you is sure how to handle.

I know you have looked high and low for another T. Did you ever talk to your ex-T about referrals once you saw her again?

[AllHeart]

A friend is someone who will be there for you and offer support when needed. A friend is someone you can go to for advice. No reason you can't discuss this with your new friend (former t). As for your gf, I'd bring up your concerns at breakfast. I wouldn't wait any longer on that one.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by velcro003

You know she isn't your T anymore, so you know you can't just e-mail or text when something happens, because she isn't truly a "friend" either.

Advice? I have none. I probably wouldn't call or text her because you really have no idea how the boundaries are right now.

Still, you don't want to cross some invisible boundary that neither one of you is sure how to handle.

I know you have looked high and low for another T. Did you ever talk to your ex-T about referrals once you saw her again?

You hit the nail on the head with that first sentence above. I can't text/e-mail my ex-T like I would a friend because she isn't really my "friend," either. She may become my friend over time (or she may not) but, right now, we're just in this weird limbo place that NEITHER of us have figured out yet. So, I'm not going to contact her. I'm going to wait until the next time I have lunch with her, and if she asking how I'm doing or how my relationship is going, then I will tell her the truth.

As for a referral to a new T, she did offer me one. She offered me the name of another woman in her practice. But, because I said I didn't plan on using the referral at this point, during our last lunch, she told me some personal things about the other Ts in her practice. They're basically her social circle, and she told me about how some things got a little out of hand when one of them got drunk at a party. So, now, I would no longer feel comfortable seeing that T. Moreover, if I ever want the possibility of actually becoming friends with my T over time, I don't think I could see another T in her practice. If I did that, I would be put in the "client" box forever and she would have to keep certain boundaries around me because I would once again be a client of her practice (she still owns the business and the other Ts work for her). So, for that reason, IF I decide to find a new T, I would want to choose someone new who does not know my T. But, after my bad experience over the summer, I'm really hesitant to do that right now. Honestly, what I think I need more than therapy is having a relationship and friendships that better meet my emotional needs. I don't think starting to see a stranger to talk about my feelings is really going to help with that. I think trying to work through this issue with my girlfriend is probably the best thing I can do in order to try and get my needs met and pull myself out of this sad place.

[growlycat]

Finding a new T seems like a good idea. I'm sorry to read how hard it has been. I wish I could offer advice but you have been doing what you can.

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

You hit the nail on the head with that first sentence above. I can't text/e-mail my ex-T like I would a friend because she isn't really my "friend," either. She may become my friend over time (or she may not) but, right now, we're just in this weird limbo place that NEITHER of us have figured out yet. So, I'm not going to contact her. I'm going to wait until the next time I have lunch with her, and if she asking how I'm doing or how my relationship is going, then I will tell her the truth.

As for a referral to a new T, she did offer me one. She offered me the name of another woman in her practice. But, because I said I didn't plan on using the referral at this point, during our last lunch, she told me some personal things about the other Ts in her practice. They're basically her social circle, and she told me about how some things got a little out of hand when one of them got drunk at a party. So, now, I would no longer feel comfortable seeing that T. Moreover, if I ever want the possibility of actually becoming friends with my T over time, I don't think I could see another T in her practice. If I did that, I would be put in the "client" box forever and she would have to keep certain boundaries around me because I would once again be a client of her practice (she still owns the business and the other Ts work for her). So, for that reason, IF I decide to find a new T, I would want to choose someone new who does not know my T. But, after my bad experience over the summer, I'm really hesitant to do that right now. Honestly, what I think I need more than therapy is having a relationship and friendships that better meet my emotional needs. I don't think starting to see a stranger to talk about my feelings is really going to help with that. I think trying to work through this issue with my girlfriend is probably the best thing I can do in order to try and get my needs met and pull myself out of this sad place.

Do YOU meet your girlsfriends emotional needs? Seems like you struggle alot with relationships? What do you provide for other people in a close relationship ( other than feeling neglected after 2 weeks without all attention on you )

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

You hit the nail on the head with that first sentence above. I can't text/e-mail my ex-T like I would a friend because she isn't really my "friend," either. She may become my friend over time (or she may not) but, right now, we're just in this weird limbo place that NEITHER of us have figured out yet. So, I'm not going to contact her. I'm going to wait until the next time I have lunch with her, and if she asking how I'm doing or how my relationship is going, then I will tell her the truth.

As for a referral to a new T, she did offer me one. She offered me the name of another woman in her practice. But, because I said I didn't plan on using the referral at this point, during our last lunch, she told me some personal things about the other Ts in her practice. They're basically her social circle, and she told me about how some things got a little out of hand when one of them got drunk at a party. So, now, I would no longer feel comfortable seeing that T. Moreover, if I ever want the possibility of actually becoming friends with my T over time, I don't think I could see another T in her practice. If I did that, I would be put in the "client" box forever and she would have to keep certain boundaries around me because I would once again be a client of her practice (she still owns the business and the other Ts work for her). So, for that reason, IF I decide to find a new T, I would want to choose someone new who does not know my T. But, after my bad experience over the summer, I'm really hesitant to do that right now. Honestly, what I think I need more than therapy is having a relationship and friendships that better meet my emotional needs. I don't think starting to see a stranger to talk about my feelings is really going to help with that. I think trying to work through this issue with my girlfriend is probably the best thing I can do in order to try and get my needs met and pull myself out of this sad place.

You know what? I was completely shattered when my ex-T hurt me. I'm still struggling with it a lot. I also saw her for a little over 5 years, and I became extremely dependent. Although your situation is different since things ended well and she is keeping in touch, it is still a very very sudden loss to grieve, with no time to prepare yourself. After having that kind of support in your life, to suddenly lose it after 5 years is really, really hard, no matter how it ends. We have trouble knowing how to cope.

After what happened with me, I was vehemently anti-therapy, angry and hateful. There is a big part of me that is still like that about a lot of therapists and mental health people (I completely despise the social worker I'm being forced to see for my self-harm between therapy appts). But, in spite of this, I really really like my new therapist (and I would never have started therapy with her if I hadn't *already* started before the thing ended so badly with ex-T). After going over and over again in circles with my ex-T and my life getting worse and worse, for once people are helping me with improving my life. I'm telling you this because, although it's painful, maybe it's a blessing in disguise? After 5 years of therapy, relationships are still causing you so much pain, maybe a new therapist could actually help you, or at least offer a fresh perspective?

And take care of yourself, do nice things for yourself, and let yourself hurt and grieve. It was a huge adjustment and although your ex-T cares about you a lot, it seems as though she was a little flippant about everything. The lack of notice is horribly painful too. You'll get through it. Time is even helping to soften my pain, and I thought the hearbreak would never lessen.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by Littlemeinside

Do YOU meet your girlsfriends emotional needs? Seems like you struggle alot with relationships? What do you provide for other people in a close relationship ( other than feeling neglected after 2 weeks without all attention on you )

Actually, I offer quite a bit in relationships and the problem is that I am giving so much more than I am receiving. In fact, that is the consistent problem. My relationships tend to be one-sided, with me putting in the work and doing nice things and the other person not doing the same. I have NEVET asked for all of the attention, or even a full 50%. Four weeks ago, I planned, paid for, and took my girlfriend on a lovely romantic weekend getaway. I also just made my girlfriend a lovely hand-made card and Christmas ornament (which I have not given her yet) after helping her and her daughter put up their xmas tree three weeks ago. My thought was that, next year, she would have the ornament I made to put up and tell the story behind. I also got a nice gift for her daughter (which I showed my gf to make sure it was okay), and gave her daughter an outfit out of my closet to wear for Christmas. I've really been making an effort to connect with her daughter, too, and I think I'm doing a good job (her daughter pulls me aside to tell me "secrets" like what she got her mom for xmas). Since she has a child and I do not, I work around her schedule and I do most of the driving back and forth. Anytime she stays at my house, I make her breakfast in bed. i am not asking for anything from my girlfriend other than time. All I want is more than one breakfast in two weeks. Is it unreasonable to want to spend with the person I am building a relationship with?

[Gavinandnikki]

2 things. The grief of the loss of the therapy relationship is still real fresh. Only time will tell if a friendship develops. I don't think it can - my opinion regarding all post-therapy friendships, not specifically yours.

The other thing is, regardless of how unequal the giving/taking is in your relationships, you guys need to, I think, have a pretty serious discussion about this. It really doesn't sound as if she is as emotionally invested as you are. I'm very sorry about that.

I think you need a new therapist for support as well as to help you figure yourself out a bit more.

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

Actually, I offer quite a bit in relationships and the problem is that I am giving so much more than I am receiving. In fact, that is the consistent problem. My relationships tend to be one-sided, with me putting in the work and doing nice things and the other person not doing the same. I have NEVET asked for all of the attention, or even a full 50%. Four weeks ago, I planned, paid for, and took my girlfriend on a lovely romantic weekend getaway. I also just made my girlfriend a lovely hand-made card and Christmas ornament (which I have not given her yet) after helping her and her daughter put up their xmas tree three weeks ago. My thought was that, next year, she would have the ornament I made to put up and tell the story behind. I also got a nice gift for her daughter (which I showed my gf to make sure it was okay), and gave her daughter an outfit out of my closet to wear for Christmas. I've really been making an effort to connect with her daughter, too, and I think I'm doing a good job (her daughter pulls me aside to tell me "secrets" like what she got her mom for xmas). Since she has a child and I do not, I work around her schedule and I do most of the driving back and forth. Anytime she stays at my house, I make her breakfast in bed. i am not asking for anything from my girlfriend other than time. All I want is more than one breakfast in two weeks. Is it unreasonable to want to spend with the person I am building a relationship with?

Not unreasonable at all to want that. I can see how much you are investing in this relationship and in return barely receiving anything. Besides the obvious reasons why do you stay with this relationship? Do you think its fair for you to do and give everything.
I hear you say you do most of the driving because she has a daughter but does this send the message that her time is more valuable to yours?
She sounds unavailable at the moment, is this a familiar pattern in your relationships Scorposis? I follow some posts on here occasionally and have seen a few on your relationship struggles and I wonder how much value you put on yourself and your own needs within relationships because it seems like you have lots to offer the right woman who will value you as much as you value them.

Originally Posted by Littlemeinside

Do YOU meet your girlsfriends emotional needs? Seems like you struggle alot with relationships? What do you provide for other people in a close relationship ( other than feeling neglected after 2 weeks without all attention on you )

Just a reminder on what Doc John has to say about support and judgement:

I would like to see more members in this forum focused on the support aspect, rather than the sharing of what they believe is the "right" perspective on a situation.

[unaluna]

It sounds to me like you might be moving too fast? Or that youre more "in love with love" than with your actual partner, and she might be sensing that? Like the card and ornament - the story isnt "there" yet, hasnt grown enough yet to be preserved? If she simply doesnt want to introduce you to her entire family - can you give her that space? Some people do separate friends and family.

To be supportive: take a breath and dont ruin a good thing?.

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

Just a reminder on what Doc John has to say about support and judgement:

I would like to see more members in this forum focused on the support aspect, rather than the sharing of what they believe is the "right" perspective on a situation.

I was asking a question, not sharing what I believe to be the right perspective on the situation.

[Daisymay]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

You hit the nail on the head with that first sentence above. I can't text/e-mail my ex-T like I would a friend because she isn't really my "friend," either. She may become my friend over time (or she may not) but, right now, we're just in this weird limbo place that NEITHER of us have figured out yet. So, I'm not going to contact her. I'm going to wait until the next time I have lunch with her, and if she asking how I'm doing or how my relationship is going, then I will tell her the truth..

I'm so sorry for the emotional pain you're in right now. It's hard I know. But this thing with your former T doesn't sound very helpful. Therapists normally have strict and necessary rules about not becoming friends with former clients. In fact friendship afterwards isn't usually allowed in the normal sense of the word. This is for the protection of both the T and the former client. That's probably why it feels weird to you. I think I would find it weird to. A T's job is to help us reach a healthier and more comfortable place in ourselves so that we are able to go out and make changes, form new relationships, nurture ourselves and know how to meet our own emotional needs - rather than us still expecting another person to do that for us.

It's hard work to get to that place - but so worth it. If you're not there yet I would find another T to work with. You deserve it. Perhaps you can still stay in touch with your former T by having very occasional catch up sessions - or just email? I wonder if that would make that relationship feel better? More like a moved on kind of version of the original client/T relationship? Take care.

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by Daisymay

I'm sorry for the emotional pain you're in right now. But this thing with your former T sounds very unprofessional. Therapists normally have strict and necessary rules about not becoming friends with former clients. In fact it isn't "allowed". This is for the protection of both the T and the former client. A T's job is to help you reach a healthier and more comfortable place in yourself so that you are able to go out and make changes, form new relationships, nurture yourself and know how to meet your own emotional needs - rather than still expecting another person to do that for you.
It's hard work to get to that place - but so worth it. If you're not there yet I would find another T to work with. You deserve it. Take care.

.................

[continuosly blue]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

Just a reminder on what Doc John has to say about support and judgement:

I would like to see more members in this forum focused on the support aspect, rather than the sharing of what they believe is the "right" perspective on a situation.

I don't think asking questions is being judge mental or saying what they might think is right.
If I read your post correctly.

I agree we should never judge ,and just share from personal corresponding experience in addition to being supportive.
The problem with this type of "community sharing" is that there is an extensive lack of details. EXTENSIVE. Which can drag a thread out forever based on false information or assumptions. I mean we might as well go around giving everybody hugs and move on.

From my own experience ,and from what was shared from the initial post and forward ,this is what I would like to say: Just because your T says your "done" or ready or OK now doesn't mean you really are.
I don't believe that you should ever try and be "friends" with your therapist.
Maybe a Christmas card once a year or something but having lunch ?
This tells me either your T is not a professional or you have a possible subconscious attachment that you have trouble letting go. If you were truly ready to end therapy you would get on with your life and girlfriend and not still being involved with your T. Transference anybody ?

You seem to be emotionally needy. I was. I couldn't pick up on the subtle hints that were being thrown my way.
How about me BUYING your love and affection and attention to me ?!
Flowers , dinners , trips , expensive gifts etc,etc,etc.
Now I say to myself "if I don't get some kind of similar response then I'm being shortchanged in this relationship. Well guess what , I AM.
Now I believe an emotionally healthy person would realize they are being taken for a fool and MOVE ON. If this person , after they're good and ready, gets in touch with me and says " do you have time for dinner "? My response would be sorry I'm kind of busy right now maybe another time. Make them sweat.

It's also called " false expectations ". If what I expected to be the proper response didn't happen it would upset me to put it mildly.
Reality : Therapists don't give out free advice.
Reality : I am trying to BUY love , affection ,and attention.
Reality : Expectations NOT met can kill me.
Reality : Push yourself to move on somehow.

Everything I just said I've either been through , done , or am going through right now . If you find yourself anywhere in there then.............

***From now on I intend to put under my signature a disclaimer that anything I have said I've either experienced , am personally involved with now, or and have done. I in no way am giving advice which may be misinterpreted as being judge mental.

Without wishing to get into a protracted argument, the tone of the post I referred to did not seem supportive.

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

Without wishing to get into a protracted argument, the tone of the post I referred to did not seem supportive.

Keyword is " seem " and please don´t act as a moderator on the forum unless you are one.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by continuosly blue

You seem to be emotionally needy. I was. I couldn't pick up on the subtle hints that were being thrown my way.
How about me BUYING your love and affection and attention to me ?!
Flowers , dinners , trips , expensive gifts etc,etc,etc.
Now I say to myself "if I don't get some kind of similar response then I'm being shortchanged in this relationship. Well guess what , I AM.
Now I believe an emotionally healthy person would realize they are being taken for a fool and MOVE ON. If this person , after they're good and ready, gets in touch with me and says " do you have time for dinner "? My response would be sorry I'm kind of busy right now maybe another time. Make them sweat.

It's also called " false expectations ". If what I expected to be the proper response didn't happen it would upset me to put it mildly.
Reality : Therapists don't give out free advice.
Reality : I am trying to BUY love , affection ,and attention.
Reality : Expectations NOT met can kill me.
Reality : Push yourself to move on somehow.

Everything I just said I've either been through , done , or am going through right now . If you find yourself anywhere in there then.............

***From now on I intend to put under my signature a disclaimer that anything I have said I've either experienced , am personally involved with now, or and have done. I in no way am giving advice which may be misinterpreted as being judge mental.

I am definitely guilty of all of the above! Its worse when they marry you. I love your disclaimer signature - i thought that was assumed!!

[stopdog]

I didn't think therapists were supposed to give out advice at all - even to those who want some input from a therapist.
I became friends with the first one I ever immediately after I stopped seeing that one for therapy. No drama, no excitement, just a regular sort of friendship engaging in a shared hobby. It really does not need to be a big deal.

[scorpiosis37]

I am absolutely NOT trying to buy my gf's love. I made her a handmade card and Christmas ornament. They didn't cost me anything, and they are very much in kind with what she got me for my birthday. Her gift to me was very sentimental and thoughtful, and she told me-- she gave it to me-- how much she cared about me (this was about 5 weeks ago). For the first four months, out relationship was very equal. In fact, she was the one who told me she has feelings first. That's why the change the last few weeks has hit me so hard. Everything had been wonderful right from the beginning and it seemed we were moving at the same pace. The only difference has been that I've had to work around her schedule, because of her daughter (which I understand; she's the only parent). So, it is absolutely possible that something has changed for her and that now I'm the one who is more invested. But I am not "in love with love;" the feelings I have are definitely for her in particular. I've been in enough long-term relationships to know the difference. If in fact I am the one who is more invested (which is likely the case), this is a change for me. Sure, it's happened in shorter term dating scenarios, but in each of my long-term relationships, I was the one who was less invested and I ended the relationship. In two of my three long-term relationships, the "unequal" part was that I was working, in grad school, and paying the bills, and they were "going to go to school" and never did and never got their act together. Yes, I admit, I made that mistake twice. But lack of interest/affection on their side was not the problem; the problem was that I wanted a partner who was a "grown up" and could hold their own. My current girlfriend absolutely IS those things (see, I learned something!) and now I just need to figure out if she's invested... or not.

To that end, I just got back from having breakfast with both her and her daughter. It actually went extremely well. It was a lot of fun, lots of laughter, and I got to bond more with her daughter. We also went window shopping after breakfast, and my gf even pointed to a baby outfit and gave me a nudge (we've talked about the fact that I really want kids & if we do end up together, we will have one). I didn't have much time to talk to her one on one, but she actually did-- on her own-- say "sorry i haven't been around; my daughter's going through something and it's been hard." She also made plans to see me twice more this week so I'm hopeful that we can talk everything out and that it may turn out well. Of course, it might not-- but I think I'm doing precisely what used to be hard for me to do in the past: communicate openly, express my needs, and ask my partner to meet me there. It's up to her whether she wants the same things, but my job is to tell her what I want/need out of a relationship and then see if that is compatible.

I know myself well enough to know that I *do* have a strong internal reaction to things that feel like abandonment and my feelings do get hurt somewhat easily in relationships. I don't take it out on the other person, though. Rather, I tell my T or my friends or I write on PC to "get my feelings out." When I'm feeling calm, that's when I go talk to the other person. Feeling the loss of my T and feeling the shift from my gf definitely triggered my abandonment fears. That's in no way surprising, but simply knowing that doesn't prevent me from feeling hurt by it. I absolutely am attached to my T, but I don't see that as an unhealthy thing. I'm not dependent on her or enmeshed with her. My relationship with her is the closest thing I've had to a "secure attachment" since I didn't have any of that in my childhood. I don't expect my T to become a close friend and I don't expect to have lunch with her every 2 weeks for a long time. But I think her offering that as part of the unexpected transition and maintaining some relationship with her is healthy and positive. She said that, in all reality, we've been doing as much chatting as we have been doing therapy for a while now, since I've been more fulfilled in my RL. So even though the transition will be hard for me, I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing.

In fact, not having my T to talk to about this propelled me to call a friend and talk to her. We're having lunch tomorrow to talk-- both about my stuff and her stuff-- and I feel a lot better after making those plans with her. I do have friends I can go to, so it's actually probably better that I go to them than to T. The desire to talk to T is understandable, but I think going to my friends is healthier.

I honestly don't think I need a T right now. Yeah, I had a ****** week and felt emotional about it. But I did exactly what I needed to do on my own: talk to my gf and talk to a friend. I used everything I learned in therapy to deal with the situation and I feel better now. Whether my relationship with my gf works out or not, I think I have handled things well and I'm proud of myself for kindly expressing what I need (a little more time) and also listening to what she needs and trying to find a compromise that works for both of us.

[Daisymay]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

The desire to talk to T is understandable, but I think going to my friends is healthier.
I honestly don't think I need a T right now. .

I get it. That's me too right now in many ways. I think there is a time, post-therapy, when it's good to keep in touch with a therapist who was very helpful to you and with whom you got on well, at the same time as getting on with your life in your new healthy way. Sounds to me that that's what you're doing then

[divine1966]

My response isn't about therapy but in regards to a relationship. I only introduced my BF to my family at thanksgiving and we've been dating 7 months by then. And when I still had a kid at home I would date for at least 6 mo this to a year prior to introducing men to my kid. I don't think it is unusual to wait long but if your gut feelings tell you something is off then don't ignore it . I had to add that if men pushed me to meet my kid or spend time with my kid or started buying stuff for her or be a part of my family too early it was a red flag and I frankly I would be gone. Things take time. But then again I myself dated people who were unavailable and it sucked. Trust your guts



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I was going to say the same thing divine said about the relationship. Her daughter will always be her first priority; you have to realize that. And, she is being cautious and careful about introducing you to family and all in the meantime because of that aspect. That is good parenting on her part, and she does have to keep her daughter's welfare first and foremost, even before her relationship with you. It's a bit of a tight-wire act she has to carefully walk.