do some confrontations unintentionally lead to termination?

T and I had an intense blow up a couple of weeks or months (it seems millions of years ago) and it was the most awful. raised voices. crying and all kinds ridiculous ultimatums issued on both sides.

and we got thru it. it was terrifying and horrible but the alliance is really strong and the underlying reasons for certain needs got examined and we figured out which needs I could reasonably expect him to meet and which things were losses he would help me grieve.

I don't think my T is rare in this regard. I think we are just incredibly well matched as a therapeutic dyad. he has never threatened termination. he doesn't use that kind of term. and if we did decide to end treatment (barring some unexpected event) we'd talk about it A LOT.

so I feel safe being myself. the kinds of behaviors people on PC admit in numerous termination threads are behaviors I try to avoid in therapy and in life because they seem likely to result in people wanting to get away from me.

T's may need the cash (though one client will likely not make much of a dent on T's finances), and may have little choice in client contact if they work in a clinic, but if they have real difficulty with a client, then they refer out or ask the client to be re-assigned.

I think testing might push T away if he is not aware that you are testing. It may put un-due strain on the relationship and seriously back-fire on you.

That said, if T picks up on the testing (which most good T's should be able to do most of the time, unless they have extra stress going on in their own lives), it would give hm information into the nature of your relationship, and other things to work on... My T and I actually had a conversation similar to this just yesterday. I was worried that I was annoying her, that she would get tired of me, and that I needed too much assurance from her around a number of things. She said something along the lines of all of my fears & behaviors being valuable information to her, and they would help the therapeutic process. She said they give insight into what I've been through, and where I'm at "today"...

I'm still a fan of needing to have direct conversation about things like this (because I often mis-read signals, so I need everything spelled-out for me). That said, if you still feel the need to test T, go for it, just be aware that there may be an outcome you are unhappy with, and that it may not be for the reasons you ascribe to it...

Rain, I've been wanting to push/test my T recently. I have felt that she wanted to get rid of me, that I was annoying...I have asked a couple of times and she said that that wasn't what it was about...so, I decided that I would leave, because she did want me to, she just wasn't saying it.
I went in today and explained, nicely, that I was leaving, and why, and apologised that I sounded attacking but was clear about what I had taken from recent events that moved me to believe that T wanted me to go.

We had a really good discussion about it. I feel ( somewhat) reassured. I think I could have acted out, or just not turned up, and lost that opportunity to really say what I felt. Somehow I could only say it when I really thought I might leave, today, and maybe that's where you are now. But, if you're really at that point, maybe try one last time to just say it how it is for you, and see what happens. Playing games is tempting I agree, but it might result in you being misunderstood by your T and feeling worse off than before.

I can only speak from my own experience, but I've never been terminated by a therapist and also have not ultimately shied away from any topics. I'm a big believer that you can be kindly honest with a person about anything so long as you find a way to present information that respects them in the process. I've certainly been confrontational in the sense that I've asked questions of a therapist that they would just as soon I didn't, but I find that if I approach said topics with strength and composure, I end up with the best possible chance of getting an answer. I don't think I've ever expressed anger in that setting, nor compressed frustration.

If you're specifically interested in expressing anger towards a therapist though, I would simply suggest discussing with your therapist the possibility of creating a safe space for that to happen. Get permission. Of course, a therapist could always say no and may have good reason for it. I guess it just depends how much it means to you, telling off your therapist.

Perhaps misgivings would be better penned in a letter; the process of writing it down might even help to get the feelings released, and you can always share the letter with your T.

If you feel like sharing, I would be really interested in hearing your story, what provoked it, what was negotiated.... you mentioned NEEDS. That made me pause...lol

I am conflict-avoidant, very easy-going, and very grateful. It happened to me after over 5 years of an unethically close, "perfect-seeming" relationship. I never contacted her outside of when she asked me to, never raised my voice, thanked her at the end of each session. It happened anyway.

I think therapists should be able to handle complicated behavior anyway, with limits of course. This is why a lot of people are IN therapy. If they only want to deal with healthy people with healthy communication styles, maybe they should have become accountants.

I can't even remember the initial catalyst. it was brewing for a while. there was a scheduling mix up and I went OFF on him bc my day only has 24 hrs and none are allotted for other ppl's effery. we went round and round until eventually (if you're arguing in good faith) it all came out. I told him all the things I wanted. he said yes to some and no to lots of them I got mad we kept negotiating until I don't know I got tired of it and then I just started asking for like really silly things like cupcakes just to WIN. and after a while it was funny rather than charged. I'm not explaining it usefully but that's basically what happened.