Signs of a good therapist

I do find it helpful to talk about therapy generally. Has been instrumental in coping. Standing up for myself and for other exploited clients, in a public forum, has been liberating. I think the biz needs to be challenged. I think of it as a form of micro-blogging.

Now if that crosses a line and other posters feel insulted, that is not cool. Not my intent. My goal is to attempt to deconstruct the biz, not invalidate clients.

I dont understand why we can't talk about our own direct experience AND discuss larger issues and context. Makes no sense to me at all that people would want to limit discourse that way.

Idealization isn't something I'm given to either which is why I think I struggle so deeply with openness. If I tend towards an extreme, it's suspicion. That's why my T's openness has been helpful. He's shared on one or two occasions situations where he was open and it came back to bite him in painful ways. Seeing him talk about them with honest emotion but in a way that was healthy as opposed to my usual reaction was insightful (my usual reaction being to completely shut down and add extra layers of intense self protection - haha, this is one of several reasons I'm in therapy).

I didnt start the the "good" and "bad" threads, merely pointed out that this reflects obvious polarization. The cult thing is just way of framing it. Clearly there is much gray in between.

But that is EXACTLY what I went through with therapy. Intense feelings of loss, abandonment, shame, confusion, and so much more. Not to mention a ton of subtle psychological and emotional manipulation. And the extreme isolation and lack of outside perspective. The parallels are plain as day. And it aint just me. Scour the net and the literature, similar accounts are a dime a dozen.

I can relate to you in a sense bud fox and have had a similar experience with feeling like therapy is a cult.
Particularly last year, it wasn't healthy but yet I felt trapped and alone. This group of training were very cult like, it was their way or the highway. I felt like I couldn't have any beliefs or opinions that didn't match theirs.
I just wanted to say I believe you. Psychological abuse can reveal itself under many different guises but they all do the same thing, set out to hurt and abuse their followers. It's especially insidious when the people we look to for help and healing are the very abusers we fear.


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And so for you, your experience was that your therapist created a "cult like experience". It was painful and exploitive and you left feeling much worse than when you started. I get that. I believe what you are saying and do not doubt what you experienced. And yes, there are lots of similar experiences. I've read about many of this site and others. I've read articles and books on the subject. But I have also read here and on other sites of people's experiences that were wonderful and healing. Experiences and stories of uplifting and astonishing changes in one's life. Why would you doubt that those stories, those accounts have any less merit than the ones that were hurtful and wounding? See, that's where we get hung up. I have no problem believing and being angry about the bad experiences others have had. I have no problem speaking out and condemning the poor training and lack of supervision of therapists, but that doesn't meant that I can't recognize and celebrate when someone has a therapeutic relationship that works. Just sayin'

I don't doubt the stories. Where did I do this? My focus is the nature of the biz, underlying assumptions, patterns, tendencies, and just how much good vs harm is being done.

My view is that the whole thing is fundamentally flawed and dangerous, while still having the potential to help some people in a meaningful way. Is there something wrong with asserting these two ideas simultaneously? If I found a T that helped me, I would still say therapy is like a cult in very real ways.

If saying these things throws doubt on someone's experience indirectly, I cant control that. If you believe in the system, it should stand up to criticism and questioning.

Are we never to talk about larger issues, share beliefs and views, see the forest for the trees, and just have endless threads about therapy minutiae?

Well, if you don't by now see how comments like "The whole thing is fundamentally flawed and dangerous" upset people--or simply don't see what that upset-ness has to do with you, or take the upset-ness as evidence for your point--there's not really any more I can say on the issue

So, I at least think I finally understand what it is you want to talk about. And now that I do, I look forward to more discussions.

If someone here argued that therapy is fundamentally honest or safe or effective, I'd be a bit upset or bothered. I would either disagree and say why, or ignore it. But I would never dream of suggesting that they not say it.

Bud are you learning anything about how to be a more pleasant and or desirable companion from any of this? Or what exactly is your goal?

What's this got to do with anything? I wonder why there are multiple responses of this ad hominem sort.

I didnt say my T created a cult like experience. I am suggesting that therapy in general is cult like.

I apologize, BudFox, I didn't mean to put words in your mouth.

A therapist that is willing to admit making mistake and apologizes, does not make unilateral decisions for a clients treatment, and is willing to adapt therapy to the individual client within their boundaries, of course.