T's vacation plans trigger me

Being afraid someone will die is a real fear for me. It consumes me, so I can relate. I never really discussed it with t. Did you?

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I have discussed death and my fears quite often with T. She always says she will be back but I say "you can't guarantee that." I tell her I worry whenever my kids go on a long trip. I worry when I go on a trip too. She suggested I be mindful and try to stay in the present. That seems to help. Worrying about death just puts me in a depressed spiral and doesn't change anything. If it happens, I would have to go on. It was different with my H because I had a year to prepare. For me, it's the unexpected tragedies that I fear most.

Same here. I don't worry about my t dying but am always worried about others. I also kind of worry I'll die too. It got worse when I had bad accident and ended in the hospital. I was afraid to drive for awhile. One time my fiancée forgot to text me he got to work and I was sure he died in the accident. My mom had cancer this past year and I was scared a lot of what if she dies. People usually get annoyed with me. The only one who tolerates it is my fiancée because he has the same anxiety over people getting ill or dying

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I used to have the same anxiety about people dying - not me, others. I got over it by referring to statistics: "there is x chance that y will die on the drive to the supermarket and back." Etc.

Thank you, Venus. Yes, you've read my threads for a LONG time! I think it's both, child and adult needs. I have been focusing on the adult me for most of my sessions now. T and I talk about my H, and we talk about my art. We talk about adult sexuality. The child parts haven't surfaced until now that my T is asatisfy ay. I realize some of that is jealousy of her having an experience I want. That's what my thread "wondering something" was about. I don't know if my unsettled feelings are about adult needs that a partner could satisfy, thus the feelings for my T, of if there is still something in my past that's unresolved. Everything I do now is a learning experience; I've never lived alone before. I appreciate your comments.

Yes!! Been working with an IFS t for over a year. Finally, a therapy that seems to be working for me. It's been about a week since you posted this -- how are you and your parts doing with all of this now?

I have the same fears about people dying. My husband and my T are the ones I worry about the most. I have mentioned this in session and its hard to change those thoughts. I am glad I am not alone in this.

I used to love when my T would say to "throw that criticizing part over on the sofa" so we can talk to another part! Do you close your eyes when you do IFS? T always has me close my eyes and I like that. We don't do IFS so much since she likes SE for me, but I love it!

I appreciate your asking how I'm doing. Very much!
The week has gone slowly, but I have kept busy. I didn't email my T. I'm proud of myself for letting her have a vacation without my bothering her. She comes home Saturday so I will be anxious then. She said she'd email me when she gets back, but that will probably be Sunday.
I see her Tuesday.

That part is still angry and sad when I think of her with that guy. I can't stand to think of them. I wish I could see a photo of him. Lol. Consistent, huh! Not! I'm confused and am wanting to talk about it with her very badly.

The adult part who likes my T hopes she had a good time. She deserves to be with someone who makes her happier than her H did. One part wishes that were me! Stupid, I know. I wish it were Tuesday. I wish I could cry with T. I wish I had someone to love me. Thank you again for asking, AllHeart.

I very much agree with this. I don't know you Rainbow, just your posts. But I hope you find it helpful to hear of others' interpretations from the outside looking in. I agree though, I, too, have often sensed strong sexual-like undertones in your posts. This is far from meant to criticize, it's hopefully to help, because I've also sensed a great deal of loneliness and pain in your posts. I know it well, as I feel it too.

I agree but I think it's more than undertones! I never denied the sexual aspect and my T told me it's okay if I'm possibly bisexual. I think it's just that I didn't get what I needed in my marriage, though. Thank you for your observations.

If it was your marriage and lack of things... you'd be rather lusting for another man. One does not turn gay/bi just because your partner was not "it", imho.

I agree with Venus that you aren't going to turn gay because you had marital problem. At least I wouldn't think so. I had several unfulfilling relationship/ dates/ marriage and I still never want a woman romantically or sexually. I think it's either there or not.

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I'm not turning anything. I'd probably have the same feeling if my T were a man! I don't want sex with my T. Yuk! It's the intimacy I crave.

I'm not turning gay!

You can have asexual crush though. You are in age where you might have crushes that are not outright "horny", but still have element of sexual/intimate attraction.

And I find it bit worrisome you consider sexual relations "yuck". There is great level of immaturity... or imposed prudeness in it. Having potential crush on conseting adult might be awkward, but hardly ever "yuck". You certainly do not consider your therapist gross or disgusting, from your posts, so "yuck" sounds bit... strange in this contest.

I didn't say you are turning gay. I am said nobody ever "turns" gay because of past relationships. We are born that way, we just refuse to admit it for various reasons. (none of those reasons are healthy though).

Venusss, my T thinks "yuck" is not a healthy way to think about sex either. I was talking about it in reference to women, but that may be because relations with women are totally against my moral and religious views. You may think I'm old fashioned, but it's not open for discussion.

The idea of sex and the therapist I see is super yuk. And I do like women. The idea of being with the therapist in any intimate way is not one for me. Gah.

I am a prude too. But your morals should not hurt you. If you think your own desires are immoral, then you are hurting yourself and could be one of the reasons why you are struggling.

One needs to find a way to cope with these things.

I either close my eyes or stare at my t's pant legs for whatever reason.

Glad your t is almost home! I'm impressed that you can talk to your t about all that you are feeling, too. That's not easy -- takes a lot of courage! I would venture to say that your feelings are normal for someone with attachment (??) issues. I have big time attachment issues and have some similar feelings towards my t so I do understand.

Tuesday is closing in. I hope it comes quickly for you!

I don't think people can turn gays! I misunderstood your previous post thinking you said you have sexual feelings for t because something was missing in your marriage. My apologies rainbow

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Why isn't it a healthy way to think of sex as "yuck"? What does your t even mean by that? I love sex with my man but i think sex is "yuck" with people I am not attracted to. Sex with women would be "yuck" for me because I am not sexually or romantically attracted to women whatsoever. Not because of any kind of morals or being old-fashioned. By your Ts logic one should think of sex as pleasure regardless in what context? That doesn't make sense to me.

If you liked women, you would continue liking them regardless of your religion or morals. You might approach it differently if you are afraid of what people say or if you are very religious but you aren't going to feel different. We don't get to choose sexual orientation.

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Thanks, divine. Well, I did say that but it's not because I wanted a woman. It's because I was missing a satisfying physical relationship with my H.

I think the word was ick, now that I think of it. It was more of a general feeling, not in regards to men or women. She also thinks ick means abuse but I know that's debatable. You're right about orientation. Maybe I am bisexual but I'm never going to act on it anyway, and my T knows that.

You are very insightful and you are a deep thinker.

I am sorry you had something missing in your marriage, and i know you are also grieving his death. Can't be easy. Sending you hugs.


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Rainbow, I can relate, I still have the ick and yuck factor when the topic comes up, even though it can be, or is one of the most pleasurable experiences in life. It is my upbringing that still gives me that visceral twinge for a hot New York second. Discussing sexuality in therapy was tortuously painful most times for me. At the university, with teens or my kid, I have no hang ups, despite some of the wild and crazy things I hear. More power to these youngens.

I do not believe we have definitive science to say sexuality is fixed at birth for all.
I am quite aware that you have been learning to work with the moral system you subscribe to for whatever reasons. Me too. So, journey on. You'll get there...