[atisketatasket]

Lots of people on here looking for new therapists. Lots of people on here with bad past therapy experiences. Lots of people on here with positive experiences.

So, in our collective opinion, what's the best way for a client to ensure that they have a positive or at least neutral/non-harmful therapy experience?

I would say, in no particular order:

- do as much research on the therapist as you can beforehand, including a visit to your state's licensure database to see if there are past or pending complaints against the therapist

- keep in mind that for most of us (there are exceptions depending on circumstances), just as we are in a position to hire a therapist, so too we are in a position to fire them. I'm not saying threaten to fire them as some sort of manipulation, I'm saying remember that fact, because it will affect your experience.

- don't let the therapist too far inside your head. That may mean different things to different people. For me it means keeping some reserve between us - no touching, stay focussed on whatever brought you into therapy as much as possible, etc. (And it's entirely possible this rule is unique to me. Your mileage may vary. )

[Argonautomobile]

Have a life outside of therapy.

[stopdog]

Don't bet more than you are willing to lose and see two of them has been my plan.

[ruh roh]

Familiarize yourself with the different types of therapies, interview several therapists whose approach seems like it might be a good fit, and be aware that there are many who are not very good at what they do. If it doesn't work, do not assume that it was your fault.

[unaluna]

1. Remind yourself, its only a movie.
2. Remind them, they can only take you as far as they themselves have gone. So when you get to an impasse, you both need to go further.
3. Dont be afraid to state what you want or need. Its the saying thats important, not the getting.

[JustShakey]

Keep the focus on you, not the therapist.

[ChipperMonkey]

Do your homework and research the therapist beforehand.

Research what KIND of therapy you want.

Keep the relationship professional. Therapists aren't your friend. They aren't surrogates for other parts of your life that are lacking.

Be open to trying new things.

Be truthful with your therapist.

[Inner_Firefly]

atisketatasket, I like your ideas. Not sure if mine is good strategy, but I do most of the talking. I assume my T doesn't know the solutions to my problems, so I might as well do all the thinking and problem solving.

[Pennster]

Supplementing therapy with other techniques, like yoga, meditation, mindfulness and exercise has been very helpful for me.

[Argonautomobile]

Don't get complacent. I know that's a trap I've threatened to fall into--thinking that therapy is itself as a solution to my problems rather than a catalyst for other solutions. If that makes sense.

[stopdog]

I don't think just researching the types of therapy helped me much - it gave me some information but it was interviewing about 30 of those guys that sort of gave me the info I found useful. Seeing how they put the theory into practice and seeing how different ones of the same type interpreted what they were supposed to be doing differently from each other was more useful to me.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Use therapy as a tool to help you deal with things but also learn and know how to cope on your own. Don't become to overly dependent on your therapist.

Know that you have to do all the work. The therapist is just there to guide you.

[stopdog]

Keep in mind the client is not always wrong.

[magno11789]

Have a life outside therapy. Challenge yourself. Be kind to yourself. Have a good working relationship with your therapist. Find a hobby. Do something like yoga. Finding a therapist you like. Don't stick with a therapist just because you think you should.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Keep in mind the client is not always wrong.

Yes, and that the therapist is not always right.

Be willing to trust and take chances, but listen to your gut, and speak up if things seem off.

Don't lose sight of what you hope to achieve. This may evolve over time, but there should be some purpose.

[Permacultural]

In the first session, tell the therapist which specific problems you need help for, and ask them how many sessions, on average, they think it will take before you start noticing relief for the specific problems.

Also, ask the therapist in the initial session how much experience they have with your particular problems.

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

Don't get complacent. I know that's a trap I've threatened to fall into--thinking that therapy is itself as a solution to my problems rather than a catalyst for other solutions. If that makes sense.

Thank you for that! It makes perfect sense to me where I 'm at right now.

Accept that therapy is hard work, and do the work. The therapist can't do it for you. (How many times I have said to t in the past "can't you just wave a magic wand and fix me?" Oh well, at least she has a good answer for that: "You know it doesn't work that way. And besides, you're not broken.")

[sub-dural]

I would suggest seeing separate therapists and psychiatrists if you need or want to try the combination of meds and therapy. When I saw a guy that did both, I found it very difficult for me to terminate therapy with him (he was TERRIBLE) because I was also on medication that needed supervision to come off of.. (I was still a newbie in the realm of mental health care) I ended up staying with him through the terrible, uncomfortable therapy because he also controlled my meds (and he really wasn't much better at that). It took me some months to devise a way out of the situation. But, lesson learned -- see separate people. Two birds with one stone can equal a really damaging experience.

Don't allow therapy or the therapist to become a fixation as the center of your life. It is a tool. It is a "class" you take with you as the subject (remember it is about you, not your therapist or therapy in general). Learn from it, but always remember the real work is outside those four walls. If your life is not changing outside those four walls, if you are living just for the time between those four walls, if you are spending way too much time just thinking, thinking, thinking instead of living, living, living, you really need to reconsider your focus.

[NowhereUSA]

Remember that you have the right to set your own boundaries.

Therapy is a complicated relationship. We often go in as people who are struggling with a mental illness or some other issue we need to work through. It's hard in those moments to remember that we have agency within ourselves and that we are as deserving of respect.

So if one doesn't feel like they're worthy of respect, I think this would be a first good step.

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Don't allow therapy or the therapist to become a fixation as the center of your life. It is a tool. It is a "class" you take with you as the subject (remember it is about you, not your therapist or therapy in general). Learn from it, but always remember the real work is outside those four walls. If your life is not changing outside those four walls, if you are living just for the time between those four walls, if you are spending way too much time just thinking, thinking, thinking instead of living, living, living, you really need to reconsider your focus.

I like this, thinking of it as a "class" you take with you as the subject. Thank you.

[hopeless2015]

I agree with Therapy is work...you have to be willing to to put the work in outside of therapy. It's hard!!

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