[MissCharlotte]

With T, I am slowly begnning to touch places inside me that have been simmering for many years.

As I go to these dark and scarey places, I am very cautiously experiencng the feelings that I so carefully buried as a child.

These experiences, moments, feelings, and places are pieces of me, of my self. And it's frightening to me for them to be out there, because then they are not in me and then who am I, if not the trauma?

I feel as though I leave pieces of me in T's office or with him and trust him to hold those pieces for me until I am ready to take them back; but for right now, I'm not ready. Neither here nor there. There's lots more digging out to do before the reconstruction begins.

So, for now, he will just have to hold my fragments for me, and I will have to trust him to do so. The relationship takes a turn and dives ever deeper. Sigh.

((sister))

I love your post-- the idea of trusting T to hold pieces of you. And one day T will be able to return these pieces, and you can integrate all the parts of you into one, whole, healthy person.

[SecretGarden]

This is a sweet post. (((Sister)))

[Lemon]

Sister - What a great insight. I've never thought about it like pieces before. I alway thought that T was holding ideas for me. Sometimes I ramble and throw out ideas or issues during therapy, but I'm not ready to really dig into them or resolve the issue. I feel like T can kind of hold on to these things for me and push just enough so that when I'm ready we can figure things out together.

[MissCharlotte]

Thank you PInksoil, Mouse, Secret, Lemon....

One of the reasons I arrived at this insight is because I had a conversation with T about object constancy. (Pink, I 've heard you mention this before.)

Apparently, this develops through your relationship with your mother. T said that process was disrupted for me when I was a child, so I have a hard time holding onto our relationship from week to week. He knows this. He said to me, "This relationship is real."

After reflecting on this conversation I realized I just had to begin to try and trust that he will hold onto me for me. Because if I can't, then I will never be whole....trusting T to hold me while we work on the pieces. I do believe it's a challenge, though a necesary one.

[sunrise]

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sister said:
So, for now, he will just have to hold my fragments for me, and I will have to trust him to do so.

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That is beautiful. I am happy for you that trust your T so much to do this.