How to know if you're doing therapy right/ doing a good job as a client

Hi Ruh Roh, Thank you for your thoughts. I can see that you actively ask T to find out what she means, and she answers.

I guess you prefer to have things clear, detailed and exact so you know what's going on. I can understand that, though I also don't mind if therapy is fuzzy. You are right, therapy is not exact.

I think I may have asked T also, she usually asks me back "what do you think", then I go off on a path about what I think.

Perhaps this is her technique to get me to think and trust my own thinking, since in real life people tend to "lecture" me about what I should do, without giving me space to do independent thinking.

Right there with ya.

I've done therapy many times but it was always situational. I was dealing with a specific issue or crisis but back then I had no clue how dysfunctional I was. It was all about getting through the crisis and nothing to do with trying to find out why I was so effed up. THAT is the work we are doing now. We've been at it for about 3 months now and I've told him pretty much my worst hurts. It's like I vomited them all over him because there is very little pain that is at the core of my soul that I haven't at least touched on cursorily. We have now moved on to, "Well what do you think you want to work on in therapy?"

This past week is the first session that I didn't cry. Because of where we are now at in my therapy I was asking questions about how he thinks treatment should go and why, etc. It was a very cerebral session instead of emotional, but as you said, even that was progress. But MAN! It has been painful.

This is the first time I feel like I have a therapist who CARES. That he's not there for a paycheck. I mean I know the man has to eat, but I wish EVERYONE had a therapist like him. I believe he is a Godsend.

I have a friend who I SWEAR missed her calling as a therapist. I think she's the reason I was able to survive without therapy for all these years, but I was just really a mess as of late, and I got tired of feeling like I was burdening the people that I know love me. A therapist was a way to get the reflection and introspection that I need without feeling guilty for dumping. And he's so good at his job he makes it easy for me to talk about even that which is difficult.

This is where my last session was - how and what are we going to do here?

I'm a horrible planner so I can be OK with fuzzy too and just letting this ride take it's course.

But I analyze everything to death so I guess I'll do that with therapy. Rephrase - I analyze everything but ME to death. Looking within has always been difficult and I usually shut that bee-otch up with cookies! Or alcohol lol.

You sound like a good client to me, too J. It really shouldn’t matter, of course, but I know what it’s like to worry about it, and I think you should put yourself at ease about the whole thing. You’re obviously very courteous, want to do well, and are being as honest as you possibly can, which are admirable qualities regardless of context, so I’m sure your T sees and appreciates it.

I’m glad you enjoy therapy! That doesn’t mean that you’re doing it wrong. I even asked my T this once—if the fact that it wasn’t painful meant I wasn’t doing it right. He laughed and said ‘No.’

Therapy done right means that you're feeling better overall....It sometimes gets worse at times, but the general direction should be a positive one. (Sometimes it takes quite some time to see the upswing.) Are you learning to become independent and handle your issues on your own? Are you becoming more self sufficient?