[SingDanceRunLife]

After a year away, in a strange city, with a million ups and downs, I'm moving back home and starting a new chapter in my life. Moving back home also means going back to T. Long story short: I couldn't find a T where I moved last January what with being in school and lacking transportation so I had limited hours I could possibly go, so I've been without this whole time.

My T at home knows the big stuff that's happened this year as she has allowed me to call/text her when need be. We have a long standing relationship. January 2016 will mark the beginning of our 9th year together. I haven't seen her on a regular basis all of that time, but I've seen her for a lot of it, and even when we've been away, she's been there for me.

I'm excited to go back, relieved even...but I'm also nervous. Right now I have so many things I want to say and to work on, but I'm scared that once I'm back on that couch, in my corner (I've always sat on the right hand side of the couch facing the door in the corner and it quickly became a comfort thing and now I won't sit anywhere else), I'll clam up like I do all too often. I'm thinking of writing a letter, so that I can give it to T and have that be a point of reference. I used to do that all the time when there were big things I wanted to bring up but didn't exactly know how.

[unaluna]

I know youve had an eventful year! i think for some of us, t is a kind of mentorship. A lot of options are open to women now that were not open to our parents, even if they were available to other women in general.

[SingDanceRunLife]

Mentor is a good word.

[SingDanceRunLife]

I can't stop thinking about my appointment...I just keep playing out different scenarios in my head of how it might go. Will we pick up where we left off? Will there be that awkward adjustment period again? Will I be able to say what I want to say/what needs to be said?

Ugh. I'm going crazy!

[kecanoe]

I like the idea of a letter.

For me, that would be a good way to gather my thoughts and to stop running it all thru my mind. And I would be calmer both now and when I had my session.

[SingDanceRunLife]

I'm definitely thinking about a letter...I've almost started one more than once, but just haven't gotten to the point where I can get it out. Maybe soon. Before I see her...

[wotchermuggle]

Even just a list of things you'd like to share/ work on would be good. Having some goals ready to go could help jump start and focus your work together and give you a real sense of purpose!

[SingDanceRunLife]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

Even just a list of things you'd like to share/ work on would be good. Having some goals ready to go could help jump start and focus your work together and give you a real sense of purpose!

True. I think it's just especially hard because I haven't seen her in a year, and we can't just start up where we left off because so much has happened since then, and then, do I wanna sit there and hash out the big stuff from the past year? She already knows about it and helped me through it at the time (well, the initial part at least). For example, I wouldn't have made it through my hospitalization without her, and I wouldn't have found a pdoc able/willing to treat me fast enough without her. Do I really need to go through all that again?

[kecanoe]

Probably you could do all the dealing with it in one sentence, just like you did here. I think t will be interested in where you want to go rather than the events of the last year. You could write them all out and then offer it to her if you think it is needed. Or write up a summary and read it to her real quick at the beginning.

[SingDanceRunLife]

Well, the last year is how I got to where I am right now...I mean, if things had gone as planned, I'd be a graduate nurse right now preparing to take the NCLEX...but they didn't, and I'm going back to school, once again, hoping and praying that I don't eff it up again with my stupid bipolarness.

[SingDanceRunLife]

I started a little something for my T. It's not a grand letter like I kind of imagined, but it's very straight to the point. I was going to add something to it, that I was thinking about right after work today, but I forgot what it was before I even got home. At least I have a starting point though. And still 3 more weeks until I see her.

[SingDanceRunLife]

I've added more. And it's raw, which is exactly what I want it to be. I want her to be able to see exactly where I'm at without me having to try to explain it all verbally. And from there, we'll pick a starting point and I guess launch right into things...I mean, I did start it "It's been a year since we've sat down face to face, and I don't want to waste any time"...