[ilikecats]

Does your T use nicknames like dear or honey? How do you feel about it? Do you feel differently when your T calls you that than when other people do? Do you call your T any names like this?

In the last few weeks I've noticed my T call me things like "my dear", "dear", and today "sweetie". Usually if a stranger does this, like someone at a store or something, it bothers me. But I love it when T calls me stuff like this. Especially when she says "my dear". I don't call her anything other than her first name. I don't really do nicknames for anyone, and it would make me feel weird to call her something else.

[NowhereUSA]

No. I would not work with a T that did that. I'd spend the entire session twitching.

(Not saying another person can't enjoy it, just that I wouldn't).

If those kinds of endearments came out of my T's mouth I would probably laugh out loud. It would be SO out of character for him.

That said, I live in Texas, and those kinds of endearments are pretty normal in this neck of the woods. I'm guilty of them myself. They generally don't bother me because it's just part of the local colloquial verbiage around here. I probably don't even notice them most of the time I hear them because it is just so common.

[Argonautomobile]

Gross. I'd want to throw the paperweight at T's face.

But I might feel differently if my T were different, or our relationship was. I know what it's like to accept an endearment from some people and not from others, though--weird, isn't it?

I used to get an absurd amount of pleasure being called 'Kid' and by a mentor-type person when I was in my teens. Maybe because he was one of only a very few people I felt comfortable being a 'kid' around?

Maybe your T is one of the few people you can trust to think you're a 'dear' and still not patronize you?

[brillskep]

No, never. Then again, in my culture there is a lot less use of such nicknames except for lovers or very close friends / family. Some people who love endearing terms may say "my dear" but that's pretty much it. It would be nice if my therapist called me that but not as a regular thing. Even in my family we don't call one another endearing terms, so I don't feel a particular need for it.

[atisketatasket]

Eeewww*...no. And I would bail if either one of them ever did. But if you like it, that's great.

(My first reaction was actually ack, but that's SD's line.)

Eta: how old are you or how much older is she? That might explain the usage.

He has called me 'kiddo' on occasion. The first time he did, he was behind me and I wanted to throw an elbow at him. The next time he did it, I told him by email later to stop. That anything even vaguely paternal from him is unacceptable and horrifying.

[AllHeart]

I've been called Dear a few times, and Honey once or twice. She's very careful with it because she knows it can be triggering for me.

Ew, no. She saying I'm a wonderful person is bad enough, but actual endearments? Just.. no.

[nervous puppy]

no, no, no, no.
Dear, or honey, is barely tolerable when my mother says it.

[ChavInAHat]

My T hasn't called me anything like that- I'm not sure how I would react if she did.

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It would totally creep me out if T called me any of those terms.

It's normal for people where I live to use the terms honey, dear, sweetie, etc. I get called those things a lot at my office. Don't much like it, but it is bearable.

[Crescent Moon]

Never. And it would creep me out if she did. I would find it very condescending

[divine1966]

No. She calls me by my name

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[nottrustin]

A few times she has said something like: I am sorry to tell you this dear but you are normal. But always in that type of context.

[Out There]

No , he would never do it - he always calls me by my first name. I don't feel that's very appropriate for therapy and being British would make it even more inappropriate.

[magno11789]

No! If she did I would not be a happy camper. In fact, I wouldn't be happy if most people called me that including parents or grandparents.

[stopdog]

No. I would not allow it.
It is not something I like from strangers and it would be completely condescending from a therapist for me.
People I am very close to can do it and I am fine with it.

Originally Posted by nottrustin

A few times she has said something like: I am sorry to tell you this dear but you are normal. But always in that type of context.

This would piss me off to no end.

[LonesomeTonight]

Nope, not T or marriage counselor. They're both from the NY/NJ area, so not really in their nature, I don't think! There is a certain term of endearment used by some natives of the area where I live (won't say what it is, because it's pretty specific to this area), so I could maybe see someone older from here using it (I don't, but my grandmother did).

[ejayy78]

T calls me all of the above lol. It doesn't bother me. I don't have any past connections to anyone who triggers me calling me those nicknames, or any nickname at all to be honest. It really doesn't phase me at all when she calls me sweetie or something like that

[Tearinyourhand]

my T calls me darling and cupcake and we laugh about it. it doesn't feel like a big deal to me. I haven't had a lot of men be affectionate in ways that feel empowering and respect my agency so I like this. it feels tender without being cloying or feeling inappropriate to me. ymmv and I'm not interested in hearing negative opinions about my personal experience. if this wouldn't work for you acknowledge it silently to yourself and move on to the next post.

[pbutton]

He called me honey one time. It was the first time he saw me really and truly panicked and I was attempting to bolt. At the time I got the impression that it was not a typical thing for him to say. He has not done it again in 4 years. I am pretty neutral about the whole thing. I have stuff I totally obsess and weird out over, but this isn't one of them for me.

my t does a lot and i enjoy it

[velcro003]

No, and that would probably weird me out. I only use endearments on my 2 year olds.

[nottrustin]

[quote=stopdog;4833410

A few times she has said something like: I am sorry to tell you this dear but you are normal. But always in that type of context.

This would piss me off to no end.[/quote]

The first time she said it it caught me off guard things like that don't piss me off though. In my circle of friends calling each other Hun, Dear, etc is pretty normal. Then I realized when T says it is not at all intended to be condescending. So it doesn't bother me.