[stopdog]

Have you ever had a therapist tell you that they found they had to work hard to learn how to hear you?

[Out There]

I've never had one tell me that. I've had one neither hear me or listen to me so I terminated very quickly.

The marriage counselor H and I saw said that to me.

[stopdog]

It was the second one who said it - I was just surprised. She does do a much better job of it than the first. The second one has talked about metacommunication.

The first one is apparently a lazy slacker then.

[magno11789]

I've never had one tell me that before.

[ruh roh]

No, but I would take that as a good sign.

[unaluna]

This concept is not foreign to me. I think it goes both ways. And i can tell when someone is not hearing me - sometimes, anyway. Not listening, not hearing, or ignoring! Also applies to me with myself - now thats a tuffy!

[Favorite Jeans]

No therapist has ever said that to me.

However I've at times had the distinct impression that some were not working hard to hear me at all when they really should have been. My current T sometimes seems to be working hard to hear me. Other times she seems to grasp what I'm on about quickly and intuitively.

[atisketatasket]

Does she mean to understand you? And what is metacommunication?

No. 1 often said she was still learning me, so to speak. Not quite the same. She didn't say it was hard, just that it was a lengthy process.

Nope.
And I'm sorry, but being told something like that would bring out the worst most puerile asinine me, and I would come to the next session with a vuvuzela, aruga horn, wearing deely boppers and a billboard, screaming, WELL, CANYA HEAR ME NOW, HUH?! Shortly before being asked to leave.......

No I have never had one say that and I would probably be offended but it actually is a good sign that they have empathy and are trying their best to understand you!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[AnxiousGirl]

My T hasn't told me straight up but during some sessions where I'm either tired or just nervous my T would be like "can you please speak up louder?" or something like "I couldn't hear that, can you try speaking louder?" It makes me even more scared!

[stopdog]

It was not said in an offensive manner. She was not talking about volume.

[Out There]

Metacommunication is the non verbal aspects like body language and facial expressions. Sounds like a good sign she's working hard to hear you.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Have you ever had a therapist tell you that they found they had to work hard to learn how to hear you?

No, my T has never said that to me, specifically. I used to work in speech and language development and it sounds like your T may be trying to learn how your words and body language (including microexpressions) make up what you want her to hear. The last time my brother and his wife were with me, I had to pay close attention to 'how' they communicated with one another to understand what they were saying to each other. If I'd just listened to their words and my eyes had been closed, I would have been confused about how their conversation made any sense.

This may not make much sense, as I don't think I explained that well. Sounds to me like your T just wanted you to know that she/he is working on understanding 'how' to hear your words/body language/facial expressions. If you didn't think s/he was being unkind, I would interpret it as your T's way of telling you she's trying to hear what you want her to know; just a declarative statement to let you know she's working on it.

[stopdog]

I just wondered if it was a common thing for them to say.
And I was a bit surprised she finds me hard to read. I expect it of the first one, I just did not realize the second one had to work at it enough for her to mention it as being hard to learn. I think I am very clear.

[CantExplain]

Is this the same as "mixed messages"?

(But if I sent unmixed messages, that was "ultimata" and "trying to control")

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Is this the same as "mixed messages"?

(But if I sent unmixed messages, that was "ultimata" and "trying to control")

No - it was said to me because the woman said emotion with me is not as easy to discern as with some other clients.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I just wondered if it was a common thing for them to say.
And I was a bit surprised she finds me hard to read. I expect it of the first one, I just did not realize the second one had to work at it enough for her to mention it as being hard to learn. I think I am very clear.

Obviously I do not know you in person but when I first read your posts they were hard to understand as sometimes the expressions you used or just the way you phrased things left me unsure if you meant one thing or another. I wasn't sure if that was because of a cultural aspect which I do believe has something to do with it as it seems to me that most of the American users speak in a particular way that to other Americans appears to be very clear and nice but to me (Australian) seems a bit rude or unclear. But even still you seem to have a particular way of talking about things and once I got used to it I think I understood more but it did take some getting used to.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by stopdog

No - it was said to me because the woman said emotion with me is not as easy to discern as with some other clients.

Well doh! She should be used to that by now. And I bet it was no surprise to you, either.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Well doh! She should be used to that by now. And I bet it was no surprise to you, either.

It was a surprise to me. That is why I wondered if therapists said it to clients a lot. The woman said she found me very clear and direct except where emotion was concerned. And to me, I am clear and direct there also. I know the first one has great difficulty, I just did not realize the second one does also.

[brillskep]

Nope, my therapist has never said that to me. Occasionally he isn't really hearing me though, and I wish he were this honest to himself and open to me in those moments. We could then talk about how he could listen to me better and how I could express myself better.

[AnaWhitney]

No she hasn't said it but I feel like she has to work very hard to understand my messed up ways. I've been trying to get her to tell me so

Originally Posted by stopdog

It was a surprise to me. That is why I wondered if therapists said it to clients a lot. The woman said she found me very clear and direct except where emotion was concerned. And to me, I am clear and direct there also. I know the first one has great difficulty, I just did not realize the second one does also.

The MC said the same thing to me and I was also surprised. I would say I was upset but he did not seem to believe me or it did not seem to register with him that I WAS UPSET. He would just keep poking at me. We had several conversations about how he should just believe I was having the emotion I said I was and not second guess me based on what emotion he thought my body language was expressing.

[BonnieJean]

My t has never said that to me.