[Loco4]

Hi all,

I've been seeing my therapist for 9 months, was once a month but since September I have been going fortnightly.

We're doing schema therapy, which while it incorporates elements of CBT, goes much deeper. Therefore there is greater emphasis on the there spirit relationship.

Anywho, I'm in the middle of some intense transference. Once second it's positive/romantic, next it's negative. My therapist has encouraged me to call her between sessions if I'm struggling.

In fact she wrote me note saying to call her despite what my 'inner critic' says. However, that note was written before she was aware of the romantic feelings.

Our last session was a disaster, first time back since confessing to romantic feelings.

It's been a week and She's back in the office tomorrow. I feel like I really want to call her, otherwise I will be a wreck until our session next week.

However, I'm really worried that the calling between sessions, intense transference, and the romantic feelings will make me seem clingy.

I'm so scared that I will be seen as too needy, or that I will be referred on being deemed to risky.

Anyone else had these feelings before ?

Any advice?

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[WanderingBark]

Hi Loco4,

While my T doesn't allow outside communication, I understand the feeling of being clingy. I recently discussed this topic with my T--if he did allow outside communication how I would take full advantage of it at the risk of seeming clingy. His response was basically that it's not clingy to have interpersonal needs. To me, from what you've mentioned, it seems like this is the precise situation where your T would want you to call i.e. "despite your inner critic". If it helps, maybe set boundaries for yourself at first? For example, a rule like "I'll only call T once between sessions" or something like that. Maybe that will help you feel more in control of your needs/impulses and reduce the feeling clingy--it would for me if I were in your situation. Good luck!

Therapy is exactly the place where those mixed up feelings should be seen

[Loco4]

Originally Posted by WanderingBark

Hi Loco4,

While my T doesn't allow outside communication, I understand the feeling of being clingy. I recently discussed this topic with my T--if he did allow outside communication how I would take full advantage of it at the risk of seeming clingy. His response was basically that it's not clingy to have interpersonal needs. To me, from what you've mentioned, it seems like this is the precise situation where your T would want you to call i.e. "despite your inner critic". If it helps, maybe set boundaries for yourself at first? For example, a rule like "I'll only call T once between sessions" or something like that. Maybe that will help you feel more in control of your needs/impulses and reduce the feeling clingy--it would for me if I were in your situation. Good luck!

Thank you so much. That's great advice, I really like the setting my own boundaries thing. Like only calling once between sessions!

Appreciate it

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[LonesomeTonight]

Since she specifically told you to call, I'd definitely go ahead and call. I'm sure she wouldn't want you worrying about it for another week.

I've also had the fears about being too needy or clingy, particularly with my marriage counselor, for whom I had at one point some pretty intense paternal and erotic transference. At one point, I talked about how I had been in a bad place one night and thought about calling his cell (I think my T was on vacation that week), but didn't want to bother him because I wasn't sure if it was urgent enough. He asked what I thought would happen if, say, I called him a couple nights in a row for non-urgent things. I said he'd block my number or say to stop f---ing calling him. He said he was really bothered that I thought that. He wouldn't be mad at me for calling, he'd just talk to me about more appropriate situations and times for calling. So that made me feel better.

I did have a few long phone conversations with him during the height of the transference, though they were calls to his office phone that he returned when he had time. I rarely contact him now, aside from an occasional e-mail, but it's good to know it's OK to call if I feel a need to. OK, there was the 3 a.m. text when I was on vacation in September, but he was totally fine about that too--responded very kindly the next day and, at our next session, said very clearly that he wasn't mad.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I have times where I am going through some intense transference and I also worry about being to needy. I talked to my T about this and she said that its not bad to have needs and wanting to talk to her when I am really struggling is not being needy its a sign of strength. I have also set my own boundaries and I only call her if I really need it and its something big.