[Tongalee]

So I text my therapist when I was having a panic attack and she text me back. But I felt bad about doing that over the weekend and so I apologized today.

I just got an email back from her saying that she wants to talk about what's going on but also talk about out of session contact to find something that felt ok. I don't know if she means feel ok for me so I stop apologizing, because she's told me before that I need to stop apologizing, or feels ok for her because she's upset about the texting.

I don't want her to be upset with me and I know I shouldn't try to be in contact with her at all, but sometimes I just want to see her name pop up on my phone or in my email. She's all I have to talk to about done things and I don't know what else to do.

I'm so nervous and I want to email her to ask if she's upset, but that would just be more contact! I'm stuck feeling anxious and upset. Please, what should I do??

[ruh roh]

I would work with the idea that her comment about finding something that feels okay has to do with your level of distress, not hers. I would also accept that she says there's no need to keep apologizing.

And then try to find something else to occupy yourself for the weekend and not email back that you are upset over the idea that she might be upset. It will probably not help because then you will be upset that that email was too much and be tempted to email an apology.

I agree with ruh roh. I know it's soooo hard, but try to occupy yourself so you don't obsess about it.

Tongalee, i recommend keeping a daily journal. Write to your therapist in the journal what you would want to ask or say to her that day. And keep a record of it. When you get to therapy share what you have written. you are still contacting her but in a non invasive way which is good to both of you while respecting her boundaries and yours. This will help you in the long run trust me. tc blessings

[Bipolar Warrior]

Agree with the above comment. Writing in my journal helps me feel somewhat connected to my therapist, and lessens the need to actually contact her. Don't get me wrong, I still always crack and end up doing it anyway, but I am able to limit it to once a week, and sometimes I can avoid it altogether.

I understand how you feel, as I always feel awful about it after sending the email. She never seems annoyed about it, but I still feel bad for doing it, and I want to stop. It is very hard, though. But I agree with ruh roh; I think she is talking about something that would feel okay to you. Try not to worry too much about it. I am not trying to make it sound easy, because it definitely isn't! But just… try to find something that can help you take your mind off it for a while.

[bolair811]

Everyone else has said exactly what I would say. I'd bet she was trying to reassure you that you could come up with a plan so that you wouldn't feel the need to apologize. I'd really try not to assume that she's upset about you contacting her. That will just drive you nuts. Journaling when I'm really wanting some contact with T (but it's not really an emergency) has been really helpful and soothing to me. I even address my journal entry to him even if I never take it to session to read. I also use the "dear therapist" thread on the board. It has been really great for me to bridge the gap between sessions!

[LonesomeTonight]

She's probably fine with the contact and wants to make sure you feel OK about it. I texted my marriage counselor at 3 a.m. a few months ago when I was on vacation and feeling lonely. (He responded very kindly the next day.) During our first session after that, I kept waiting for him to say how inappropriate it was or that he was mad. But he said he wasn't mad or annoyed, that it was fine. I think some of us, myself included, have trouble accepting someone saying that they aren't mad at us. Because we feel angry at ourselves, so how could someone else not be?

[Tongalee]

Omg tomorrow is my appointment. I'm really scared she will be mad and change our arrangement. What if she makes strict boundaries. We just changed our fee system so what if she says since I'm paying less, I can't contact her outside of session. I guess I understand that it would just make me feel so sad!