I struggle with allowing myself to "take" things...I've so much wanted to feel that part of T is mine...I've so wanted to hold her within me with entitlement...I guess this week I allowed myself for an hour to allow myself this entitlement...I told her today that I am afraid to allow myself to say I belong there...that the part of T I share with the rest of her life is mine...I said I feel like all this love is sitting on a table top and I walk around it looking at it and daring to touch it but afraid she will snatch it away and laugh at my mistake of thinking I could take it...laugh at my thinking I had an entitlement ot it?....T said could I allow myself to practise it for a bit? I said I guess I must be already or I wouldnt have been able to speak about it...T said "well part of me/this is yours"....I said everyone wants to be able to say this is "mine"...I've always wanted to feel something was "mine"...T said you are afraid if you've made a mistake you will fall apart inside?...i said yes...that intense shame and shattering into a million pieces....I want to be at a place where if I allowed myself to take for granted something is mine and then to have it snatced away that I won't feel as if its my thought...that I'd shrug my shoulders at the "snatcher" and carry on....I know T is wanting me to "take" I see her body directed forward at me as we talk and I think...should I? Is it safe?...I think it maybe safe and I think I may feel safety within me if I took and found out later it wasn't mine to take...I would survive!

[Perna]

Close to my heart she came
Only to fly away,
Only to fly as day flies from moonlight.

Now, now I'm alone,
Still a-dreamin' of paradise,
Still sayin' that paradise
Once nearly was mine!

Don't forget; the 1950s-60s musicals and all the fairy tales end "happily ever after".

I know how you feel! I feel the same way!
Two hours a week I feel like the T is mine, and no one else can have her - like a child protecting their best friend so no one else takes them away.
I haven't really admitted this to T, but she knows Im attached. I love her a lot... and often wonder if I should ask her if she loves me (us) in return and if I'm allowed to take that love -- if it's unconditional. But, fear stops me, every time.

[MissCharlotte]

Mouse,

Yes, our posts are very similar and mirror similar sentiments.

I haven't thought so much of "owning" a piece of T, but I like how your T described the moments that you two share as yours alone.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
.should I? Is it safe?...I think it maybe safe and I think I may feel safety within me if I took and found out later it wasn't mine to take...I would survive!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yes, it's knowing we are safe and can survive intact, whether or not we reach out and whether or not we are rejected in the taking....
((hugs))

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Perna said:
Close to my heart she came
Only to fly away,
Only to fly as day flies from moonlight.

Now, now I'm alone,
Still a-dreamin' of paradise,
Still sayin' that paradise
Once nearly was mine!

Don't forget; the 1950s-60s musicals and all the fairy tales end "happily ever after".

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">



"Once nearly was mine."

[MissCharlotte]

South Pacific. Rogers & Hammerstein

I used to play "Happy Talk" in the morning when my so got up for school!!

I also was a huge fan of fairy tales and actually tonight just purchased the Complete Grimm's....

Yes, Mouse with our T we can hope for Happily Ever After. I have to believe it is so.

[dalila]

<font color="green">She Can Hardly Breathe

She is drowning in fear
that wells up from deep inside.
That eats at her confidence
and destroys her composure.
She can hardly breathe.

She is afraid to let go
And, afraid to hold on.
It is so hard now,
How much harder will it be?
When you cannot
Endure her neediness.

Maybe it would be
Better to let go now.
To even drive you away now
So that She can survive.
She doesn't know if she can survive
Another change, another hurt.

She hates not having answers,
Only questions.
She wants to control her life
But at every turn
Something else controls
And she is flotsam
On the ocean of her own life.

How can She trust, why would She?
The fear inside is a living thing
With sharp teeth and razor claws.
She is bleeding inside.
Perhaps if she bled on the outside
The pain would not be so wrenching.
She can hardly breathe
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