Something my previous T said

When I asked my previous T how long I'd need to stay in therapy for, she said a lot of people could be in it for 10-15 years and that there was no end point, I simply needed to accept therapy as a part of my life.

Does this seem right to you? I only ask because I read an article on warning signs of bad therapy and one of them was "Therapist provides no explanation of how you will know when your therapy is complete."

In addition, she always made it difficult for me if I said I wanted to stop therapy or brought up the possibility of having to leave. Somehow I always ended up feeling guilty.

I'd be interested to hear peoples thoughts on this.

Bad signs both. I gather you did leave, so good for you.

I will say with that "bad therapist" criterion, which I've seen before, that I think it's poorly worded: clients should also have an idea of when they don't need therapy anymore, and the therapist should respect that. We know ourselves better than they do, after all.

We are all different, and therapy for a couple sessions, or 10 sessions, 10 months or 10 years depends on many factors. My therapist just said I'll know. I'm sure I'll feel better. Think better. Honestly I wouldn't consider it a warning sign if a therapist couldn't give me an idea of how long I might expect to be in therapy, because there are so many variables.

But according to the OP, this therapist told the client to regard it as part of her life; she didn't just say "I honestly can't tell you how long you'll need; it varies." And tried to keep her from leaving. That seems manipulative to me.

The first one just said clients just know. She tends to lie or pretend not to know any number of things about therapy in the hopes I will just go along with it.
I went and read a lot of books on it and consulted with other ones of them who did have more information.

I don't think there is a science to figuring out how long it will take. They an have predictions based upon the information they have in front of them and experience. Back when I first started I honestly think T thought it would be short term. She thought we were dealing with one issue. In fact in the beginning she joked that if I were still seeing her in 5 years my hubby would be calling her asking what the hell was going on. As thing revolved she realized just how deep some of my issues were. Almost 7 years later I am still seeing her and hubby is extremely supportive as he knows how much she helps me.

For a therapist to say in the beginning that it will be a way of life and to make you feel bad for needing to stop is ridiculous. They should be supportive of your growth not trying to hamper it.

With 2 of my t I have treatment plans. When I achieve the goals we agreed on, I will be done. I do have the option of adding goals. With the 3rd, I figure I'll be in treatment forever because I am so attached. He's ok with that. But he does say the time will come when I don't want to continue.

This would be a real red flag for me.

When I asked my therapist how long I would be in therapy, she said, "You'll know, you'll just know". I wasn't sure what she meant and she told me that was ok, that it would make sense as time went on. And she was right. I began to feel that it was just ... time.

I had another therapy tell me that some patients stay in therapy because they feel like they benefit from the continuity and having someone where to listen to them and having a place to vent. Just because they don't have some crisis to work through doesn't mean that therapy has to end. She said that it really depends on the individual to decide whether therapy is still beneficial for them.

I had a psych tell me when I was in the nut house that is need to remain in medication for a long time. He might be right. Personally I'm not bothered.
My T said Some people have been seeing her for 20yrs. We discussed how long my journey would take. We both agreed it takes some time.
Personally I'm not bothered. I'm not beholden to anyone's opinions. I also don't feel them as persecuteroy either.

Eleny, I think the worrying thing in your post is that you felt guilty if you wanted to discuss leaving. That could be something your T could have handled better?

But, I believe that for some clients, therapy is short term work, some will 'just know' when they are done, and for others with a more permanent condition or diagnosis, therapy is something they will stay in for life. All of these are okay, and it's really impossible to say which would apply without knowing the issue or diagnosis. Even then, every client responds differently, so I do think your T was actually being honest when she said it is part of your life.