Thinking about taking a year off of therapy

I know it would be hard to leave, but how can any real therapy take place if you are going there and putting on an act just so he'll keep seeing you? He should have referred you. Instead, he is putting all these rules in place and is telling you what you can talk about; he has to know that that isn't therapy, and it does sound like he's doing whatever he can to get you to quit. I hope you can find another t who will work with you and whom you can afford.

Why would he say that he is giving me another chance if he's trying to get me to quit? Why didn't he just go through with the termination?

Who knows why but it's not a real chance if it falls apart when you don't follow certain rules.

No balls? (Sorry to be crude, but I kind of think that is it. He doesn't want to do the dirty deed, so he's making it so uncomfortable for you assuming you will get fed up and terminate on your own. Then it's not his fault technically, right? Not a therapist I would continue seeing. He's playing games that are unkind and not at all in your interests; his actions are completely in his own interests right now.)

I'm probably making him mad now because I have tried to call him several times and he isn't answering so I left several voice mails. I'm having trouble sitting with my feelings. I'm just so tired of life.

And my guess is these calls are against his rules, right? Can you see how he is simply making a case against continuing with you?

Exactly this! Therapy is 100% about the client. This t has made it 100% about him. There is no way this can work to where you receive a benefit of any sort. That is not therapeutic.

My guess is he realized how poorly he handled the first attempt to terminate you. Maybe he is giving you a second chance in order to set you up to take the fall for his incompetence. Think about it. How ridiculous is it that he states that only he decides the topics, not you. How long before you go into his office one day and bring up something bothering you? It's only human nature to do that, especially in therapy!! It's impossible not to break that rule right there. And then when it happens, he is going to terminate you. I think he is ultimately setting you up to fail, so-to-speak, so he can place the blame for the termination solely on you.

I am sorry if I come on too strong, but, this guy really ticks me off. I don't know what other rules he has in that letter, but the "t deciding topics" rule alone is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard. It's abusive. I know with your attachment this must suck to no end and I am so sorry you are having to go through this. In all honesty, I just don't see how this could possibly end well for you.

PS. Make sure you hold on to that letter in case you ever need to file a complaint against him in the future. Hell, you might check into filing a complaint against him now. T decides the topics rule has got to be unethical.

When we don't feel heard we just get louder and that is what is happening here. You are desperate not to lose him but he is already gone.

There is one question we must all ask ourselves with regard to therapy: "Is this therapeutic?".
I asked myself this once and found that the answer was no. It broke my heart but I knew I had to leave the therapist. If your honest answer to the above question is " no" then you owe it to yourself to leave.
It sounds like he's really hurting you with his incompetence. As Allheart says, you can't do therapy without choosing the topics. It's ludicrous.

His rule for phone calls was emergency only, and I think the reason I've been trying to call him is a crisis/emergency. I'm severely depressed, I haven't been able to sleep in 2 days even with my sleep medicine because all I can do is lay in bed and cry. My heart hurts so much. It's nothing to him and I'm all torn up inside. I'm also upset at myself that I let my guard down and trusted him with so much personal stuff. I need some sleep but all I can do is curl up in a ball in bed and cry.

Weren't you also in crisis last week and trying to contact him, and wasn't he also unresponsive then?

That's a pattern. If you need a therapist who will be responsive in a crisis (and most of us do), even if only to refer you to a helpline, this is not the guy for you.

He is basically saying that I messed things up.

I'm in major crisis tonight.

He shouldn't be punishing you. Clients are allowed to mess up, it's part of the process. He is supposed to be supportive, not punitive. It's important that you get in touch with a crisis line, clearly this therapist isn't going to help you. Remember its not your fault, and he's the one who has behaved wrongly.

Your therapist sucks. Get a new one. You shouldn't have to feel so badly because of him. You deserve better.

In my opinion/experience any T/pdoc that gives a client rules with the expectation that the client keep the rules perfectly or they are done is not truly giving another chance they are merely looking to gather a case for termination. He may not be but 2 pages of strict rules IS extreme. To me that is excessive and nit picky. I could be wrong. Only you know your T.

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I agree with everyone else, this t doesnt sound professional at all. I think personally though that taking a year off is a bad idea if you're in crisis right now. I guess I would keep the appointment for tuesday but I'd look immediately for a new t. Here there are places like catholic charities that can have price tiered therapy. Or if you think you might hurt yourself, finding a hospital isnt all bad. When I was in there I wasnt happy but before I left they set up therapy, pdocs and stuff. Structured plans and I knew what was going on. They might even help you set up some other insurance.

When I started reading this, I didn't like the idea of a large set of very rigid rules, but then I thought, I don't know what motivated the initial termination attempt. I don't know what the rules were. Maybe more rigid rules were warranted and needed.

Then I got to the part about him bringing up what you can talk about in session. That is very unproductive in my opinion because then it will be about his thoughts and needs about you, not about your own needs. I don't know your particular situation, but no matter what it is, therapy is a place where you need to be able to express yourself and process anything that is troubling you. The therapist may suggest something and you need to be able to say yes or no. That is one of the main things in any healthy relationship - to be able to choose. This doesn't seem to go in the direction of health and a fulfilled life.

I'm sorry you are suffering so much and that your therapist is unavailable when you're in a crisis. Is it at all possible for you to get some other support right now? Such as, depending on the risk level you are feeling, either call a crisis hotline, go to the ER, or even talk to a trusted relative or friend? In my opinion, stopping the current crisis needs to come before any decision about your therapist, who seems to be so important to you (else you wouldn't be suffering so much and might just try another one at this point).

I know that the ideal you probably wish for right now would be for your therapist to be available and help and take your needs into account, but please remember that even if he isn't doing that, you still deserve to get help and feel well.

All the support has been helping me. I love all of you.

I talked to my therapist last night. I texted him and wrote "I am in crisis" and he called me. And he let me talk about everything that was bothering me. And he listened.

He said that he will try to be there for me as much as he can. He was very nice to me last night.

I got off the phone with him feeling better and then tried to get some sleep but still couldn't sleep. So I got up and my sister made pancakes for me.

Eventually, I fell asleep last night.

I feel depressed today but it doesn't have anything to do with my therapist today. I'm really feeling the heavy wave of depression and I'm terrified about my future. I am going to try to apply for disability.

I don't feel like living anymore. I'm not in danger right now, but I just don't feel like I want to go on. I have a stack of bills and no money. And I'm hurting because I'm supposed to be taking care of my disabled brother and sister and I feel like I'm failing because I'm not well.

Thank you all for being there for me!

????

Playing devil's advocate here, but really?

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Yes, unfortunately. I know that was the wrong thing to do but I was in such a crisis, that I wasn't making good choices.

A bad T can do so much damage. Sometimes we stay with bad therapists because it reenacts earlier abuses in our lives. No idea of course if this is what is going on for you, just seems familiar to me personally.

Please shop around for a new T soon!! Having the T that is right for you is literally like night and day

Yours doesn't say to call emergency in a crisis. So certainly time to get loose of that one.


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I miss him soooooo much now. I wish I could talk to him.