I used to start a lot of threads when I was seeing my ex-T, looking back I see that my therapy with her was traumatic - I re-experienced feelings of trauma, and I didn't get much of an understanding from her about what I was going through, or support. So far my therapy has been just about ok with my new T (I've been seeing her for about 9 months). I've tended to feel pretty insecure, I've been hoping that over time I'd get more secure. Something about my session triggered me yesterday and I'm feeling terrible. Words cannot convey how bad I'm feeling. Life goes on and I'm fully functioning as a mother and in my job. Therapy is feeling pointless for me. I had such high hopes for it. I can't see that this helpful for me to feel so c***. I'm going through a trauma again. I can deal with it, that's not the issue.

[stopdog]

I actually think they deliberately set the structure of therapy up to be traumatic in various ways. I am not certain a client who goes along with that set up can avoid therapy as a trauma altogether

[nicoleflynn]

Therapy should NEVER cause more trauma. Some things can be difficult to talk about or work through, and that is normal. Unfortunately, some therapists are not well trained and can cause more damage. As difficult as it is, I would look for a new therapist; interview 2 or 3 over the phone and find out what they are trained in.

[Pennster]

Ugh, Brown Owl. I'm so sorry. I know so well what that is like.

I feel like this therapist that I see now understands it as well, and is good at actively helping me with the traumatic parts of therapy. His availability between sessions is so key. If I'm traumatized or distressed by a session, I can contact him, and every time I've done this we've worked on creating a path for me to feel better, and this has alleviated my distress to varying degrees.

In contrast, with my first therapist, there was no between-session contact, and if something distressed me, I was left to suffer for the week, and sometimes by the time I saw him again I would be so stressed out that I would be angry, which at times made him react angrily in turn. It was awful, and deeply retraumatizing.

I would never again do therapy with a therapist who didn't allow between-session contact. My therapist also works with me on many ways of calming and soothing myself. I feel like he's very aware of the potentially traumatic impact of therapy and actively works with me to alleviate that potential and to empower me to deal with traumatic feelings as they arise.

Is your therapist well-informed about trauma? The more I read about trauma the more alarmed I am about how dangerous it is for anyone involved in dealing with others to be unaware of the effects of trauma and ways of dealing with it.

[peaches100]

Hi Brown Owl,

If therapy feels traumatic to you, it indicates to me that your t may be trying to process too much with you too quickly. If you are a fairly sensitive person who gets triggered easily, and/or if your nervous system is pretty reactive to stress or overstimulation, it might not take very much for you to feel overwhelmed in therapy, even just talking about traumatic events.

I'm one of those people, and my t and I had to learn the hard way that we needed to SLOW DOWN when it came to talking about and processing traumatic events. I don't know how many times we would work on a traumatic issue, I would think that I was handling it OK at the time, but then after therapy (usually anywhere from a couple of hours to the next day), I would be hit with strong anxiety that made it difficult to even carry out my workday. Sometimes the anxiety would last 2-3 days before subsiding. This happened over and over until we realized that I wasn't getting anywhere when it came to processing trauma. All it was feeling like for me was being retraumatized over and over again.

Now that we have started taking things slower, and stopping the painful discussions earlier, I am handling it a lot better. I am able to contain any extra distress at the end of the session easier. Sometimes it feels silly that we have to work on things in such small pieces, but that is the only way I am capable of working through the traumas. So even though we are taking it so slowly, I am making more progress now than when we tried to do too much all the time. All that did was keep setting me back! In fact, when we were talking about the trauma stuff too much, and then I would end up feeling overwhelmed the following week, it made me want to quit therapy altogether because it always made me feel less stable.

Could this be why your therapy feels too traumatic? Or is it something else?

Peaches

[peaches100]

Brown Owl,

Just reread your post and saw that something triggered you on your session, but you aren't sure what it was. It would be helpful if you could remember what it was. . .maybe it will come to you again.

Did you realize at the time that you were being triggered, or was it later that you thought about your session and realized something was bugging you?

[peaches100]

Sorry - just one more thing. You said you feel insecure. Can you describe what you feel insecure about?

[Soccer mom]

After getting out from under ex-T's care I can now say that I was re-experiencing all my trauma again with her. She did not know how to handle people who have been traumatized. She also did not explain the process or offer enough support. She would tell me she's not going to tell me how transference works because "you'll give it legs". So, I was in the dark and constantly questioning her.

My new T. is the complete opposite. She has treated people suffering from trauma, has been very specific how to work through the transference and is available more to me. She recognizes that I need the contact in between for when I feel flooded. It's been such a better experience!

Thanks so much for your replies and hugs.

It was really helpful, Nicole, to see your simple statement that therapy should never cause more trauma. Pennster, it was so helpful to hear of someone else experiencing similar to me. I had been feeling that I really needed a therapist who allows some outside contact, also one who perhaps has some creative ideas to help me to talk to her and to not feel like this afterwards. My therapist may be someone who can help me with this, I don't know. I will go back and see her. Your replies gave me the confidence to email my T. I kind of realised that if she didn't find that acceptable (I've never contacted her before) then I would know she isn't the T for me. The alternative was me retreating into my usual, independent mode, with these kind of thoughts: I shouldn't have these emotions, I can manage my emotions myself, I don't need anyone else, I must be really dire if I can't even handle therapy without feeling like this afterwards...nobody would want to help me...

Peaches, I think I'm like you, I need to take things really slowly. I do know what triggered this off, I was talking about something that was traumatic, my T didn't push me into it, I brought I up myself, but I had no idea that I would feel this way afterwards. I feel that my T should have had an inkling, especially given the topic, and the fact that I have felt lousy before after sessions, but not like this. I don't know how to describe the insecurity I feel, but I think it relates to the emotional neglect I had as an infant. I've talked to my T about it, and again I hope that she might come up with some creative solutions for it, like I've read of other T's doing.

I am envious of your T Soccer Mom, I've told you that before. But my T may be able to help me, I don't know yet.

[granite1]

my threapist seems to be very careful and tries to minimize any traumatic re experiencing of any traumatic stuff . she is very patient when it comes to me talking about my past

[Gavinandnikki]

I don't have anything else to add to the other posters but I wanted you to know that I understand your pain and am so very sorry that you are experiencing this.

I don't know how to describe the insecurity I feel, but I think it relates to the emotional neglect I had as an infant.

It's a form of PTSD--you may be re-experiencing the past via memories. The close relationship of some psychodynamic therapies trigger such memories.

You probably can't describe it because these experiences happened before you could talk (pre-verbal). For me, it always felt like impending death.

I have the same issue-it happened to me over and over again in the first year of therapy and much of the 2nd year. Your T can help you by not reacting as your parents once did. Lots of reassurance and attentiveness helps.

Hope you email her.

Thought provoking question.