[Eleny]

I've started therapy recently with a new T, she seems very good and I'd tried a few and she's the first I've been happy with, but I find she dictates and steers the conversation a lot. My previous T and another one I saw more recently gave me a lot of space and generally remained silent when we first sat down so I could begin where I wanted. This T generally starts by saying "I was thinking about what you said last week about X..."

She is humanistic & integrative like my last Ts so I'm confused. This week I felt like I was talking about things I really didn't feel like talking about because she had chosen the topic and steered the conversation.

Is this just a different approach to therapy?

[Know One]

Yes, I hate talking. He has to drag it out of me. Even then I resist.

If I had my way I'd live in an anechoic Faraday cage.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

What happens when you take the initiative? Does she then follow your lead or does she try and steer the conversation back to the area she chose?

[Eleny]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

What happens when you take the initiative? Does she then follow your lead or does she try and steer the conversation back to the area she chose?

She follows my lead I guess, but it's difficult for me to change the topic when she's asking questions about things I don't necessarily feel like discussing.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Eleny

She follows my lead I guess, but it's difficult for me to change the topic when she's asking questions about things I don't necessarily feel like discussing.

To some degree it is a T's job to bring you back to things you are avoiding. Have you ever said "I don't want to talk about that"?

[Eleny]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

To some degree it is a T's job to bring you back to things you are avoiding. Have you ever said "I don't want to talk about that"?

No, I'd feel a little awkward saying that?

[spring2014]

Originally Posted by Eleny

I've started therapy recently with a new T, she seems very good and I'd tried a few and she's the first I've been happy with, but I find she dictates and steers the conversation a lot. My previous T and another one I saw more recently gave me a lot of space and generally remained silent when we first sat down so I could begin where I wanted. This T generally starts by saying "I was thinking about what you said last week about X..."

She is humanistic & integrative like my last Ts so I'm confused. This week I felt like I was talking about things I really didn't feel like talking about because she had chosen the topic and steered the conversation.

Is this just a different approach to therapy?

hi Eleny ,
my therapist does that too . she noticed when I don't stay on track with the subject that we are talking about in counseling she reminds me to come back to subject and stay on track . when she notice something that im talking about in counseling that interest her , she picks up and tell me to focus on the subject and don't try to avoid it .when I avoid the subject by going off topic she tells me to get back on track .



Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds : Cymbalta 60 mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia with an additional 25 mgs=75 mgs when up past 1:00 in the morning

Could you start a conversation with her about this topic? Say, start a session stating that you would like to discuss something specific, and then tell her what you've shared here and maybe ask if there is any particular reason why she controls the conversation so much.

I had the opposite issue in the first few months off and on with my T: he was too silent for my taste... I never have problem talking but I like it interactive and don't really enjoy just listening to myself with another person in the room. It wasn't only dissatisfying to me that way, it was frustrating. So one day I brought it up, we talked about it, and since then all my sessions have been pretty intense with back-and-forth, the way I like it and the way it benefits me most, I think. I often pause after a chain of thoughts and ask what he thinks so he does have the opportunity to go on tangents, and sometimes he does... then I either follow or take a turn again.

I do not believe that any therapy approach prescribes that the T needs to initiate and lead the sessions topics and about the focus and potential avoidance issue, I think that can be discussed to manage it in a mutually satisfying way.

[ChavInAHat]

My T has spent the last few months since we started being silent when I first go. Then when I said I hate the silence but don't know how to begin talking about things she will talk about things that I have emailed her about (the stuff I struggle to say) and she will ask questions.

Sometimes I feel that she leads the conversation in a direction that is more because she is intrigued by the way I work and asks questions about how I view certain things. It annoys me at times but at other times it is a welcome break from discussing the trauma stuff and I always come away with new ideas or a clarity about something so it is never a waste of time.

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[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by Eleny

She follows my lead I guess, but it's difficult for me to change the topic when she's asking questions about things I don't necessarily feel like discussing.

Have you told her you don't want to discuss it.

[nottrustin]

[quote=spring2014;4902807]
hi Eleny ,
my therapist does that too . she noticed when I don't stay on track with the subject that we are talking about in counseling she reminds me to come back to subject and stay on track . when she notice something that im talking about in counseling that interest her , she picks up and tell me to focus on the subject and don't try to avoid it .when I avoid the subject by going off topic she tells me to get back on track .

If I am discussing something painful T wants me to tell her if I need to change the subject. She would rather I tell her so we can figure out what is going on and if I am at my limit we can change the subject to something safe.

[growlycat]

CBT T is trying to rein me in by having me pick 1-3 topics to talk about each session. I tend to wander.

[AnxiousGirl]

My T steer's the conversation because I can't talk about my feelings at all. Sometimes even when it's something I dont want to talk about, I still let T continue because 1 - I'm afraid to be assertive, 2 - I dont actually want to talk about my real feelings.

Only last session though I told T what I wanted to talk about and it was so scary but worth it.

She only steered the conversation if I asked her and she would usually give me several choices. At times I couldn't pick from the choices and I would have her pick it.

[iheartjacques]

Mines a pdoc so his first questions are about my mood and health then asks what's been happening.

[AllHeart]

My t promotes self-leadership so she always wants me to start. I usually can't bring up what I want to talk about so then she either guides me to a topic or outright takes over.

I can understand your t wanting to discuss some things from the week prior. I think it's nice to have that follow-up briefly (unless it's an on-going subject). But I believe the main focus should be on the things you want and need to discuss. The t's topics should be secondary. As for steering the conversation, it's hard to assess. If your sessions are only 50 minutes, maybe she is trying to keep you on track?? Hope you can get this figured out with her. It sounds frustrating.

[Chummy]

My T usually steers the conversation, but that is because I'm a bit anxious and talking is hard for me. My T would be glad if I would steer the conversation more and if I would take more initiative. But it's hard for me to do that.

[laxer12]

My T only really starts the discussion if I'm not talking. And even then, she'll bring something up and then say, "we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to because I brought it up". T would immediately stop a conversation if I changed it and wanted to talk about something different.

Sometimes I don't know how to start a conversation but I know I want to talk about a certain topic. I'll be upfront and say I don't know where to start and then she usually asks a very simple question that gets the conversation rolling.

My personal opinion is that a T should take your lead and let you determine the general direction of the conversation. They will of course guide it but should follow your lead if you decide to take it. My T won't choose a topic for me even if I tell her to (I tried once), instead we did an exercise that helped us find something to discuss.