[queriesfort]

Today in therapy before I left I had this intense feeling, like i didn’t get to say what I wanted to say and now the session was over, and I felt like I just needed to keep sitting there and not be kicked out. And with the feeling, it felt something like this drop in my chest, this sense of dependence; it felt like something I’d experienced before, during v. intimate discussions in a certain professor’s office hours, where i don’t talk but i just wait to hear what the professor will say, hoping they will interpret something about me. I didn’t get to talk about this, but the words that came to my mind was to tell my therapist “i love you.” The instant that I felt that feeling I knew that it was love. I told him that I couldn’t say what I wanted to say, and then I cried, and then I told him that it was as if I had already said it.

I don't know if it is transference.

[RedSun]

Maybe, or projection of some kind? Sounds like you want the other to take the initiative and say whats on your mind so you don't have to? Maybe you don't have 'permission' to talk about what you need to?
And it's possible that that feeling of love that you experienced is a transferential feeling of child dependence.
Bring it up with your T if you can, so he can work through it with you.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by queriesfort

The instant that I felt that feeling I knew that it was love.

Then it's love! There is so much power in just knowing. Love is scary so it's easy to start to question whether or not we actually feel it for someone (therapist or other).

My t once told me that there is transference and countertransference going on to some degree between us, but regardless, the love we have for each other comes from our true Self and it is absolutely real. So transference and love can co-exist.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by queriesfort

Today in therapy before I left I had this intense feeling, like i didn’t get to say what I wanted to say and now the session was over, and I felt like I just needed to keep sitting there and not be kicked out. And with the feeling, it felt something like this drop in my chest, this sense of dependence; it felt like something I’d experienced before, during v. intimate discussions in a certain professor’s office hours, where i don’t talk but i just wait to hear what the professor will say, hoping they will interpret something about me. I didn’t get to talk about this, but the words that came to my mind was to tell my therapist “i love you.” The instant that I felt that feeling I knew that it was love. I told him that I couldn’t say what I wanted to say, and then I cried, and then I told him that it was as if I had already said it.

My T. has recently talked to me about the desire to be known and accepted. Perhaps you actually felt accepted and understood and wanted more proof of it in their actions? That would definitely be from a young place.

I've had the feeling of not wanting to leave and almost a feeling of dread. I realized it was my fear of abandonment. Almost instantly after I would tell myself she's not going anywhere, the feeling would go away. Just some thoughts.....

[Cinnamon_Stick]

It could be transference. As someone else said it could also be a need you might not even know you had, of being accepted and loved and a good therapist can make you feel that way. Do you feel like you have this need? Is it a parental kind of love or more romantic?

[queriesfort]

I think it definitely could be something parental. What do you mean, "from a young place?" My therapist told me that I am like an empty bucket, that the love i get is never enough because of the hole at the bottom from my parents, so that the water always falls through. So I know that I have parental issues that get acted out in therapy, like sometimes my mom doesn't listen when I try to share something meaningful with her and I end up going to therapy and in the middle of my conversation I'm asking T if he's bored because he looks bored. And he says no, that he's just listening. The same with my dad - sometimes he uses guilt to get me to do things, classic: if you don't do this you don't love me, growing up, or "you cut your hair again!?," not appreciating that I am expressing myself. So T will go out of way to say, compliment my haircut and say that it looks like his. So I think that T is very attentive and kind.

But I don't understand this bit where I'm sitting there, feeling misunderstood, and I'm fidgeting but I don't want to leave, I want T to ask me what's wrong and maybe even offer an explanation. Maybe I just don't know who T is and what he means to me because I get so confused by older folks in positions of authority, like professors or therapists, like I can't tell what they want from me and why they are complimenting me or sending me their articles, and I feel constantly like I need to say something that pleases them. Maybe I am mirroring all the things I do with my parents, like maybe my parents need me to be a certain way for their sake, rather than seeing me as a whole person, and so I have a tendency just to want to be something for T and I don't know how to handle not knowing what to say and then them leaving it at that.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by queriesfort

I didn’t get to talk about this, but the words that came to my mind was to tell my therapist “i love you.” The instant that I felt that feeling I knew that it was love. I told him that I couldn’t say what I wanted to say, and then I cried, and then I told him that it was as if I had already said it.

I guess the point for me would be not what to call it, but what to do about it. Does it feel healthy or productive? What is the end game and where is this leading? Seems that if something parental is stirred up, it assumed to be part of a necessary process, but is it?

Just some questions I would have for myself...

[moonshine88]

You should tell him, in order to work through the reasons you are having these feelings