[substancelessblue]

I posted about this issue recently but it's escalated and I need some help. So, my T cancelled my appointment a week early as her daughter was having a baby. We made an appointment for the next day, but she cancelled that on the morning saying she was leaving on a plane. She told me she would contact me in a week or two.

It's been two weeks, I've been very anxious and struggling a lot worse than usual, really wishing I could talk to her. About an hour ago she texted me asking if I wanted an appointment in a week's time. So she will have been away for three weeks, and I wouldn't have seen her for 5 weeks. I feel angry, betrayed, I don't want to contact her and I'm seriously thinking about quitting therapy even though before this everything was perfect.

How should I reply? Whenever I feel abandoned I completely retreat and cut myself off from people. I haven't been in this kind of crisis mode in a long time, all due to her text. It was just a straightforward text about appointment days. Nothing asking how I was doing.

Am I unreasonable for expecting more than this given she's been away three weeks because her daughter had a baby, with no notice at all so I could at least have had an earlier appointment? I'm really struggling with these feelings and have no one to reach out to since I can't contact my T. She has never done anything to upset me before and my feelings aren't really rational I know, and I don't know how I'm going to reply to her message.

[growlycat]

It's ok to tell her that you are upset with her. You can say "I've been in crisis and I've really needed you." That would be the middle ground between quitting and not saying anything.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by substancelessblue

Quote A: Whenever I feel abandoned I completely retreat and cut myself off from people.

Quote B: She has never done anything to upset me before...

I think then it would be worth it to let your t know she did upset you and to try to talk things through instead of just up and quitting. There's a great opportunity here for empowerment and growth. Learning to stop avoiding is extremely hard, as I know all too well. Once you do it though, it does get easier. And there is no safer way to start this process than to practice with your t.

I completely understand your feelings and, honestly, I would have absolutely felt the same way. Your reaction is very common for someone with an attachment disorder. Your thoughts may seem irrational to people with secure attachment styles, but rest assured, they are not wrong and should be explored with your t.

Can you respond to t's text rand just let her know you are very upset, and in crisis right now? You can always respond to setting up an appointment tomorrow (which, I hope you do wind up taking).

Resist the temptation to go to your default reaction which is to cut people off. That's one of the reasons you are in therapy; this IS the work. Get the appointment scheduled and get back in to see her at that appointment to to continue the work you were doing. You can tell her then how you reacted to her being gone. That's where you talk this through. It will be okay. She didn't abandon you, even though it feels that way. She simply went to be with her daughter at the birth of her grandchild. That decision wasn't about abandoning or betraying you. You need to discover that you can get through this and that people don't disappear from your life simply because they have other things going on in their life. The only reason she would disappear from your life right now is because you decide to make her disappear by running. Do differently this time. You can do it, and you can grow in the process.

[doyoutrustme]

can you check in by phone?

[wheeler]

I can tell you that I have been in similar situations with my T and reacted pretty much the same as you. I too retreat but was able to eventually talk to T about it. She was always accepting of my feelings, although in the long wrong I'm not sure if she every took true responsibility for her role in situations like these.
You will probably feel better by atleast telling her how you feel and not retreating, that's atleast been my experience.
Good luck

[stopdog]

I think that feeling abandoned and talking to a therapist about it are separate from the reality of whether the therapist actually did abandon or not. I would look at it like why not just go in and rail at the therapist about how you feel abandoned by her. Sure, you have to pay to do it, but it isn't going to bother the therapist and you might feel better. And if that is not satisfying, then don't go back again. For me, the truth about therapists is that clients are not the most important thing in their lives.

[DelusionsDaily]

Personally I'd be a little upset with a T who did that without warning. I mean she had months to "prepare" you for this and it sounds like there was none of that. However, I dont think its a reason to cut and run. Go see her tell her whats been going on for you. Ask her why you got no notice of all this. There's 8-9 months leading up to a baby being born why the suddenness of her leaving.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[atisketatasket]

In your last post, didn't she say you could call her? Why not call her? Or text asking if there is a good time to speak by phone?

She did prepare you for this awhile back (again if I'm recalling correctly), but babies march to their own drummer (and often it's a very inconvenient drummer), and things changed. She didn't plan this to leave you specifically in the lurch - and I think that's a key part of abandonment. All her other clients are in the same boat as you, and I'm betting some of them are probably angry with her too. So you might not be the only one voicing your anger.

If everything was perfect before this, I would advise trying to work your way through it.

[divine1966]

I know you are hurting and your feelings are valuable. But she did tell you she will contact you in a week or two and she did. I know you feel abandoned but I think she did her best here. Plus she said to call her. Did you call?

To all honesty when/if my only daughter has a baby that would come first and everything else would have to wait. She didn't just vanish with no warning. Do talk to her how you feel as that might be something to work on

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk