[Canidistant]

I'm writing this post to ask for advice on starting up with a new therapist, likely through my campus' counseling program. I've found in the past that I struggle a lot with opening up, sharing my issues... Like really struggle. I've spent way too many sessions with my previous T working stuff out in my head, not able to voice anything, completely silent. Then, falling out of therapy a few months later cause I couldn't allow myself to get the help I need...

I've been having trouble with unresolved grief after losing my mom, and relationship issues with my father who has really hurt me with his actions since her death.
I've been working to recover from self harm, which I was miraculously able to share with my previous T. I've also had days of suicidal thinking in the not-too-distant past which I have never been able to disclose to anyone. No matter how much the thoughts scare me, I can't admit to having them. After living in a very invalidating environment for three years, I've gotten too good at hiding and stuffing my feelings to protect myself...except now they're slowly poisoning me, and I need help.

I'm just not sure how to disclose these things to a new therapist, or how best to start out with a new therapist, when I've had such poor luck in my other attempts to get this stuff out of my head...

Any advice or stories of how to start out on the right foot and do the initial disclosures with a new T, when I can't disclose to someone I've worked with for a year? (If I don't do it right away, I probably never will disclose what I need to)

[AllHeart]

Could you write or type it all out and hand t the note?

[Canidistant]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

Could you write or type it all out and hand t the note?

Thanks for the reply, AllHeart. I have done the note twice before with my previous T, and it worked once. But it also didn't work once. I think it just became a more physical vs mental battle, of actually forcing myself to pull it from my pocket and hand it over...and then regretting it during the terrible expanse of time as T read it.

I'm willing to try it again...

Any other suggestions in case I can't actually hand the note to them?

[dontevenknow]

Maybe send an email if you have their email address? If you have difficulty starting the conversation perhaps you could ask them to lead. You could tell them you have been experiencing things you think are important to mention but have trouble bringing it up. Maybe then they could ask questions that would ease into it a little more instead of a straight out confession which could be difficult, especially with someone new.
Even if you can't tell them right away (or can't bring yourself to bring the note out of your pocket) at least tell them what is up that way they can hold you accountable when you are able to do it and it doesn't just get swept under the rug.
Best of luck! Starting with a new T isn't easy, but if you get off on the right foot with honesty and openness there is the potential for it to really help.

[SkyBlueSue]

All I know, if you are starting therapy for PTSD please ensure you get an EXPERIENCED trauma therapist. My first trauma therapy experience was a complete disaster and led to years of hellish depression, hospitals etc. That person was way over her head, but that was my first time in therapy so I was unaware of what was happening, she should have known better.