Problems with my session today!

Why not ask to save say, the last ten minutes of your session to be your sharing time? If something comes up during the session then it was big enough to need worked on. But yeah.... Just reporting? You already know she cares, she has shown you so much! But making her listen to all the more trivial stuff... It's stopping her from showing her caring as she can't be working with you to help - she's just sitting there. I get that it's putting her into a spouse/parent/close-friend role... But she isn't those roles.

I have had to narrow down my focus in therapy too. It is hard!

What is the purpose of the reporting? Does it make you feel loved that she knows all the details of what happened to you over the week? (You mentioned that you did this with your mom).

Sounds like you're working through your transference, which is good progress for you. You're just not used to it, thus the unsettled feelings. Keep it up. It's your therapy, you can talk about whatever you want. You don't have to please her.
I'm proud of you girl❣

What I'm hearing has a very child-like feel. Note that I said "child-like," not "childish." It's not a criticism. Very young children--can't remember the age, but it's before the "peek-a-boo" stage-- become very uncomfortable if their caretaker changes in appearance. Your repeated discomfort with how your T sometimes looks reminds me of that. There's an intensity in your response that is bigger than it "should" be. It gets translated into a sexual attraction because you are an adult, but the core impetus doesn't strike me as sexually motivated. Less about sexual rejection and more reminiscent of emotional abandonment.

But you realize you are not using therapy time most effectively, and it's reasonable that your T does not want to enable you to continue in this way. The question becomes less one of how to change the behavior practically--time limits and such--and more about are you willing to turn away from this gratification towards an emotional unknown? What happens if you sit with the bad feelings that arise from resisting the reporting? What if you report for a couple of minutes and stop yourself mid-stream? And sit with the feelings that come up? Deal with those within the session? That would be moving forward, rather than maintaining a dysfunctional state. These sorts of stalemates often precede periods of growth. Maybe part of you doesn't want to take that step because it may threaten your "forever" conception of the relationship. It forestalls the death of the relationship?

I often report on my week, and end up rambling a bit. I'm a little self-conscious. I remarked today that I wonder if he gets bored by me. He said that if he gets bored it's time for me to fire him and find a new therapist, which I think was his way of saying, no he is not bored, he is paying attention. If you want to review your week, your therapist should be listening...

I used to see t like 15 years ago and I all I did I reported on my busy days and all she did was listen and chat on the topics of my busy day. It was a waste of years of my life. I did it so I don't have to talk about anything important. I wish my t then stop my reporting and help me to figure out more important things then not much later.

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Nice to see you around here, Sannah. This thread is a few months old but still relevant. I'm not sure what the purpose of my reporting except that I want my T to know the things I'm telling her. I have to try to find a middle ground and not tell her so much. It will be hard this Tuesday because I missed
3 weeks!! I've emailed her and sent photos so I'm going to try to just jump into my issues if I can. Or simply look at her because it's been so long!

Thank you! I feel good because I was fine even though I've missed 3 consecutive sessions, but if my T had gone away and not me, I think I would have missed her.

Interesting feedback, feralkittymom. I agree about my childlike response to T's appearance. I'm not sure about the reporting, though. Actually, I think I'm doing less of it since this thread. But my therapy does NOT have to end. I can see checkins monthly for the rest of my life. Why would it have to end unless my T dies or moves away?

The connection doesn't have to end unless circumstances change. But continuing to visit once a month for life isn't therapy; nor is it friendship. Most Ts would discourage such an arrangement except in cases where someone, because of an existing chronic condition, needs the supportive structure of check-ins.

My T is not like "most Ts." I'm also older than most clients. We haven't discussed it lately, but I think she would agree to check-ins. Right now there is more work to do so termination isn't an issue. I think I will ask her now that you brought it up. It's possible she has a different opinion, and I hate surprises!

What do you mean by older than most clients? I know people seek therapy at any age. I see t in a large clinic, waiting room is always full and there are plenty of people who are way in their retirement age.

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Because most people stop working when they retire. I suspect once most T's retire, they stop having regular contact with clients. I don't suspect your therapist is any different in that respect. And I also suspect your therapist doesn't intend for you to stay in therapy for the rest of your life; I would guess her goal is for you to get beyond needing constant contact, even if she doesn't retire or leave before you die. You don't have a chronic serious mental illness that might need lifetime supportive care.

I meant most who post here, and I've seen mostly younger people in any T's office I've been in. I've had 5 Ts.

My T is 15 years younger than I am. Fine. In about 15 years or so she could retire. Hopefully, by then I won't care. But I disagree about only seeing a T for a lifetime
if you have a serious mental illness. There aren't any laws that I know of. This is getting triggering for me so I definitely am going to ask my T tomorrow. One thing I know. She is not going to force termination on me until I work through my attachment issues. I'm getting there.

It isn't about law,Rainbow. I never said it was. And no one said anything about forcing termination. But you do seem to have a dream that you'll see you T until you die when that may not actually be realistically necessary. Most competent therapist (and I believe your therapist is very competent) have no intention of clients having to be in therapy for their entire life; rather, they have a goal of helping clients reach a place where they will be able to not need therapy. I would suspect your therapist has hopes that you can reach a place of living independent of needing therapy eventually. That is all anyone here has said.

Just to add a different opinion. What about people who are coming to the end if life who are offered counselling or therapy to support them as they go on. I see what people are saying but I don't necessarily agree that therapists won't continue to see clients who are benefitting from support and who request it. Speak to your T rainbow and know that whatever the case you are not wrong in your desires and wishes for support. Take care.

Very well said, lola. You're right. I do have a fantasy that I will die before I stop seeing my T. I don't want that to happen for a long time, of course! But my competent T, as you say, may want me to do without her sooner. I admit that thought makes me cry. I have done without her for almost a month but a permanent ending seems unbearable.

I couldn't tolerate her suggestion to journal instead of emailing. It felt like she was killing me. I'm glad this thread came up again. I do have other issues to work on in therapy, but the attachment issue is the most difficult and important. Some people have said if I'm not in therapy, then I'll have to get over it. That hasn't worked in the past. She will probably tell me I'm doing fine and we'll keep working on it.

Thank you, Waterbear. I tend to agree with you but I'm not sure what my T thinks. Right now I'm working through some important issues so I'm not at all ready to quit. But I'm looking towards no termination, but my T may disagree. I'm afraid to ask her but I will anyway.

I think there is always work that can be done in therapy. No need is required only want or desire. If the thereuputic relationship ends at the grave, so be it. Different strokes for different folks.

I agree with the notion that whatever works is fine for each person. If you want to stay in therapy, stay in therapy. If you want to quit, quit.

Lots of people seem to use therapy as a vehicle for personal growth and exploration. Only you know if it's helpful for you to keep going. I imagine therapists have different ideas about how long they are willing to work with someone or for what purposes, but I suspect these are nearly as varied as the reasons why people seek therapy.

Hey Rainbow,

Long time, no see! First, I don't remember if I ever told you that I am terribly sorry about the loss of your husband . As you know, I'm currently studying to be a T (I actually begin counseling next January...the thought scares me s**tless sometimes) and that we share a diagnosis. I want to know why, why, why isn't your T trying to gain insight from your weekly reports? She observed that you didn't make eye contact. Excellent. Did she encourage you to practice self-reflection related to why you didn't make eye contact? I used to get irritated with your T before I knew what a counselor's real role is...now that I understand much more about the process, I'm even more irritated. I don't know if what I am saying is particularly helpful...I need to process the info you're reporting more. I'll get back to you!

Chopin

Chopin, what a nice surprise to see you pop up here! Thank you for your condolences. I'm doing all right, sort of. Sometimes my life doesn't seem real, like someone else lost her husband, not me.

I know why I don't make eye contact with people. I don't need to reflect on it. About the reporting. It's rambling, just newsy stuff, usually. I'm more focused now that I had a three week break. I have big issues to talk about tomorrow so I won't be reporting so much. To be honest, I don't think your criticizing my T is very helpful. I like the way she does therapy with me!

Fair enough. I read this particular post, then based my opinion of her on past recollections. For that, I apologize. If you have made progress with her since I left and you like how she's doing things...awesome!!

I may be projecting a bit. Your T reminded me of my former T (that I used to talk about on here) and I've been told by a couple of profs and an ethics expert at the ACA to report her to the state licensing board for unethical behavior (violating 4 principles in the Code of Ethics). I'm sensitive because bad counseling really hurts those of us with BPD. I hope your session goes well tomorrow!

Are you talking about my former T and not my current one maybe? My T never violated any code of Ethics!!!

Perhaps. Have you gotten a new one in the past couple of years?

No. I've been seeing my T for over 6 years and she is the best T I've ever had. I love her!