[FindPeace]

I've been going through a crisis and my T told me last session if I needed her to call her...I had a session today and her secretary told me that my T will now be charging 10$ for a 15 minute call...I can barely make my session payments due to the fact she doesn't take my insurance...I feel totally abandoned and its thrown me into a deep depression...I'm cancelling my session for next week, I need time alone...FP

[Caramee]

Wow, it must have been really hard to hear that encouragement of extra support from your therapist and then have the rug pulled out under you from the office staff. It's so hard to separate the business aspect of it all when we have such raw pain and need.

I don't know if you're anything like me, but I tend to isolate and hide when I am most hurt and most in need of connection with my therapist, so I am probably not a great person to give advice. I just want to tell you how much I relate to your desire to cancel. I've done it a hundred times when I have been in most need of his help. However, if I can adapt a "do as I say and not as I do" stance, I think you should try to go and explain what happened to your therapist and the feelings of abandonment that ensued. I know your therapist will understand. Ask her for ways of dealing with crises in between sessions because finances are an issue. There may be something creative that the two of you can work out.

On the rare occasion when I go against my tendency to retreat and reach out when I am in most need of help, I am always glad I did. There has always been a connection or an answer or something positive that happened that I didn't expect when I could only see the situation through my lenses of despair.

Please reconsider going your next session. The whole point of therapy is to not be alone with such deep pain. I have to remind myself of that ALL the time.

Take care.

[dreamrunner]

Sorry FindPeace that you feel abandoned and depressed.
It would bug me too if I was charged for a phone call.....maybe you could consider another T or some other avenue for help.

[FindPeace]

This has really upset me because I have no support system...I have 1 person in my life other than my T and they are not very supportive...Its ok, I'll cry myself to sleep tonight and each day it will hurt less...FP

(( FindPeace ))

Instead of cancelling, what about going and talking to T about the phone call fee. Tell her it is a hardship for you and see if she might offer to waive it. It could be she is making that a general policy but might decide on an individual basis about applying the fee.

This is something to talk about. She needs to know how you feel about her new policy. It's important to your therapy.

I understand how it would make you feel abandoned. ((( hugs ))) but keep in mind that is a thought of yours, and hasn't been expressed by her. It is your own mind's reaction to hearing about this new policy. Now that you know your reaction and feeling about it, take that to T and talk about it with her.

[FindPeace]

I appreciate everyones advice but right now I just need to stay away from her...I need to put her back as my T in my mind...I posted just to get it out and see it in writing...In a way this is good that it happened, I was getting close to her and now I've pulled away....FP

running away won't help.

i hope you'll talk to her and I hope you feel better soon!

[Grace03]

Hi FindPeace!

I agree with an earlier post: stay the course with your Therapist if you already established a rapport. Who wants to start over??

I see no harm at all in asking your Therapist to waive the $10 phone fee, considering you are "financially challenged"... it is right to call it hardship.

No shame in that. My Gp has waived all my costs for forms/letters etc because he knew I wasn't working..he knew my circumstances.

You are short of funds right now: Need your Therapist..(as you mentioned your T is your ONLY support system.

Sincerely,
Grace03

[Fuzzybear]

"I was getting close to her and now I've pulled away"...... I know how you feel! Feeling closer makes you feel more vulnerable and the T is more able to hurt you....

But I still think that talking to her about this is a good idea. You will be able to tell a lot about her by how she reacts.... Building trust is hard and there are many bumps in the road ((((( Hugs )))))

[FindPeace]

Thanks but I'm so withdrawn right now nothing is sinking in...I did email her and told her that I was going back to once a week sessions instead of doing double sessions...I'm sure any time now she'll start charging for emails too...so its best if I stop them now...its getting easier....FP

[Christina86]

(((((((((((((FindPeace))))))))))))))

Isolating is easier than dealing with what you're going through, I know the feeling. I'm sorry that this is happening to you, but please reconsider going to your next session. I'm sure if you talk to her, something can be worked out.

do you mean 'will now be charging' in the sense that you were charged for the call you had or in the sense that you will be charged for the calls in future?

if you have been charged for the call you made then i think you have every right to bring that up with your therapist. she should notify you of charges BEFORE you start racking them up.

if you weren't charged for that call but will be charged for calls in future then next time your therapist says that you can call her i would be upfront with her in telling her that you can't afford it.

in a way... it is a boundary issue. bound (ha ha) to come up at some point... i'm sorry that you are hurting over this :-(

I really feel for you. You must feel very hurt by her charging for a phone call. I think you should talk to her about it though!! Good luck

have you tried seeing any of the therapists who your insurance company does reimburse?

[FindPeace]

Thanks for the replies...It is future calls that she will be charging for...As I was walking out the door yesterday she said to me, "If you need anything you call me" and I thought yeah right so you can make more money, no thanks...

I've tried some of the therapist on my insurance but most of them have the bare minimum of training to be a therapist...I am doing better today, which I knew I would be...FP

i don't think the extent of training matters quite so much as good rapport and willingness to work together. one of the best therapists i've ever had was actually in her internship year when i worked with her. she wasn't always trying to classify me into being just like past clients / situations / diagnostic categories. i found that very refreshing. she also seemed to be very motivated to help me. we also... just clicked.

why do you feel differently about the phone calls than the sessions? do you feel resentful / hurt when she offers you a session the following week and you know you have to pay for a session? if not... i guess i'm wondering what is different about the phone call situation...

is it... that you thought you wouldn't have to pay for them and so you feel like she misled you / betrayed you?

it might be worth trying to figure out what is going on... so that you can talk to her about what is going on. if i couldn't do something (phonecalls say) because of the cost factor then i'd feel very hurt if my therapist kept bringing up the possibility of a phonecall - because it wouldn't really be a possibility, you see. it might be worth mentioning to her that you can't afford to phone her such that she either negotiates the cost a little or knows not to offer...

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
alexandra_k said:
if i couldn't do something (phonecalls say) because of the cost factor then i'd feel very hurt if my therapist kept bringing up the possibility of a phonecall - because it wouldn't really be a possibility, you see

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Good point, Alex. It would be like every time she mentioned you can call, it is as if she is hawking her wares and services. On the other hand, if she doesn't encourage calls at all, then it seems different (more ethical).

My daughter's therapist charges for calls longer than 10 minutes, and has this policy in her informed consent form, so everyone knows from the start. FP, I can see how your situtation is causing hurt, as it seemed you had one policy to begin with and now that is taken from you. I'm glad you are doing better today.

My own therapist has never encouraged me to call him for support, but I know he has a voicemail I can leave a message on. When I have called him, our conversations were always less then 2 minutes. I know he is crazy busy so I try to be brief. I think it is not a bad policy to allow free calls up to a point, say 5 minutes at least. Because sometimes you have to talk about business stuff, like canceling and rescheduling appointments. If the client routinely needs supportive phone calls of 10 minutes or more, another solution would be to increase their number of sessions per week, instead of charging for the phone calls.

[FindPeace]

I have no problem paying her for the sessions...I'm already doing twice a week sessions now although I sent her an email saying that I was going back to once a week...Its bothering me about charging for the calls because SHE is the one who encourages me to call...It was her idea and she constantly tells me to call her so when the charging for phone calls came up by her secretary, it hit me hard...I felt like sure encourage me to call so you can keep making money...Yeah right went pigs fly.....

I'm angry about it now but I have to thank her in a way because I was starting to let my guard down and I dont let people in my life...FP

[sunrise]

I agree, FP. I think it is borderline inappropriate to be frequently encouraging someone to call but have a charge for it. As I wrote, it's like hawking her wares and services (like advertising her stuff during the time you are already paying her in session--you don't need to be paying her to be a salesperson to you). Kind of squicky, if you know what I mean. It would be better if she just didn't mention the calls now that she is charging. Too bad she doesn't have at least a shorter, free phone option (3 minutes free?). I remember reading a discussion on another board about a therapist who was always talking up his books/tapes during someone's session, and pressuring them to attend a rather pricey workshop to learn how to use the products. Your situation reminds me a bit of that--not as bad, but a little the same.

I also think it was rather cowardly of your T not to explain the new phone charge policy to you herself, rather than have her secretary do it.

[FindPeace]

THanks for understanding Sunrise...FP

[Caramee]

I was thinking about you. Have you made a decision about your appointment? I hope you're OK.

[FindPeace]

Caramee... Yes and I am waiting the two weeks...I did talk to my T and she apologised and felt very bad that I found out about the phone fees through her secretary....I am waiting the 2 weeks because I need some down time away from memories and we were so close to finding out what really happened to me as a child, and I'm just not ready to go there........FP

[lauren_helene]

Hi Findpeace, I had posted a comment to you the night you posted this but it didn't post for some reason.

Anyway, my first post was about how I thought it could be okay to charge for calls in between if both therapist/client agreed.

However, after getting more information about your situation, that changes everything.

There should NOT be any fees applied to you because she is soliciting you to call. I'm sorry you are feeling bad and I hope you and she can work this out if that is what you want.