"What can I do for you?"

I never know what to say when I get asked this question. We're going over trauma stuff and I know I'm going to be having nightmares for the next few nights because of a trigger, and I get asked this question. The "What can I do for you?" or "What do you need from me right now?" or "Is there something I can do?"

The answer from me is "I don't know. I don't think there is anything." This never seems satisfactory though. Does anybody else get this question that arises from some sort of emotionally painful situation? How do you handle it? What do you say?

Yes, I get asked 'what do you need from me?' To which I would like to answer, I need you to not ask me pointless questions....
I just say 'nothing' or 'I don't know'. Your post has made me think, though. I get a real delayed effect after difficult sessions, and feel bad a couple of days after. My T always says I can email her, but I don't usually feel it's okay, so I might ask for reassurance that it's okay to contact. My friend has a T who texts her to say she's thinking of her, I would love that...don't know if I'd be brave enough to ask though

Last time I was asked, this is what I said and the following conversation:

T: So, what do you need from me right now?
Me: You debit card and PIN number would help a lot.
T: <laughs> Well, I can't do that.
Me: Then what can you do?

Which brings it back to him. I've also been direct and simply asked, "What is that you can or are prepared to do for me? I suspect you know your range much better than I do."

I'm glad my T has never asked me that question.

Sorry that dismissive comments are given to you. I ask if you would like to PM and listen to you in a PM. I find that most helpful for me, and any member that needs help. Hope to see you in chat. I will not dismiss you! If I am not online during your time of need, I will respond to a Private Msg on personal PM/email.

Hugs to you and hope I will find you in chat soon.

Hugs, KarenSue

Always hated that questions because it was hard, especially early on, to know how to respond. But my T worked with me on that problem. What I discovered is generally my answer was something like "I need you to help me manage this anxiety so it isn't so horrid" or "I need you to help me figure out how to not be so scared about those nightmares I am predicting" or "I need you to help me not get so lost in these awful memories; I feel like I lose myself." It took a long time to get to where I could find the words for what I needed, but I learned they were there, I just had defaulted to "nobody can understand and I can't even understand so why bother" for so long that "I don't know" had become my default response. My T worked with me though to find the words that I was so unable to access. I found "I don't know" was rarely in my vocabulary after a while and that's when I started becoming much better at accessing and verbalizing my needs.

Perhaps you can tell your T that what you need right now is help accessing and verbalizing a response to that very question. That's kind of where we started.

I usually say that I don't know, bc that's usually the truth. Within t's boundaries, I can never think of anything that she isn't already doing. With trauma stuff, it'd be nice if she could call me and chat a few minutes in the evening time, but she doesn't do that so why bother asking, you know. Sometimes I do say nothing, bc I realize there isn't really anything she can do and I have to manage myself. Good luck. Sorry no help, but I usually respond as you do.

I think my therapist has asked it a couple times, but more along the lines of what would I like to do. It stopped for (I think) two reasons: I said I had no idea what to do and that's why I was there, because she knows things I don't. The other reason was that as I learned how she could be helpful, I could ask or come up with ideas that fit what she can conceivably do that was more than listening.

I have said that before.
I have also said like what sorts of things could you do? I asked for examples of things the woman felt capable of doing.

Argh. I hate that question. "Do you need something from me right now?"
Yeah I need you to be my mom and adopt me, is something I often think but never say.
What does she think I'm gonna say really? I feel she's asking just for the point of asking.
She's not expecting a real answer.
That question is impossible to answer because what could she do except do something that is actually impossible? (wave a magic wand and have all of my problems disappear, become my mom, etc.)

Did you get any examples? When I asked the same question, I got blank looks and eventually "nothing, I guess." From both Nos. 1 and 2. Do they want me to ask them to hold my hand or something?

You know, No. 3 has yet to ask that. Point to her.

Blah blah blah - a witness, - a good enough mother (I asked if she had gone mad at that one), - an ally, and other nonsensical sorts of things. She said I looked at her like she had 3 heads.
I said anyone who talked like that might as well have.

My T has asked me this and at first I would say "I don't know". Now I am able to verbalize what I need. The last time she asked me I told her I needed a hug and for her to be there with me and for me.

Therapists are the Cerberus of the unconscious mind.

If any of them ever ask again, I think I'll say "a witness" and see what that gets me.

My T has said words to that effect a few times. I always says "I don't know", or "nothing", but in my head Im reeling off a long list of facetious and highly unrealistic demands.

I, too, hate this question. I say I don't know what you can do or nothing. In my head I just want to make sure I'm being heard and I'm safe, or if I can reach out to him specifically during business hours. My T has mostly stopped asking, although once in a while he will. I like this response of asking "What is it that you can or are prepared to do?" That way they can maybe give some suggestions.

I'm glad I've never been asked this infuriating question and hope my T never asks it.


I would seriously question his sanity and level of intelligence if he did start asking me inane questions.

My therapist has never asked me this question and I can't imagine that she's the sort who'd ever ask me something like this -- given her usual style and how we've worked so far, a question like this would be way way too 'personal' and smack of putting herself out there in a 'relationship' to me. Awkward all around.

Also, at least so far, I don't think I've ever given her the opportunity to say something like this -- as in, until now at least, I don't think I've been silent long enough for her to come up with this sort of question. Assuming of course that an opening for this sort of question usually comes up when clients go a bit silent? Or, maybe I'm wrong and other T's just randomly ask this during the session?

She does, unfortunately, have a whole arsenal of other banalities and therapist-y cliches at her regular disposal though. My attempts to derail her from using them have only been rarely successful.

I answer "one thousand pesos" and people automatically run away haha.

As for my T, whenever he asks that I don't really know what to say in the moment, I just keep thinking the rest of the day how can I solve the issue I have and then come with an answer for myself which I may or may not share with him. Depends.

Thanks for the responses everyone, you've all given me some good ideas of how to respond. It also make me feel better to know I'm not the only one who constantly recites "I don't know."

I've been inspired too. I think next time I am asked 'what do you NEED', I will just dig deep, and be honest, - ' a cup of tea'. Because I do.

my t2 asked this today. Fortunately she came up with something when all I could say was "I don't know"

What did she come up with, if I may ask?

She asked where in my body I was feeling anxiety and we did EMDR with that. And, I am less anxious today so I guess it was a good thing.