[Chartres]

So at my last session, T told me that she has had her own memories of CSA come up during the time that I have been her client. (I am in therapy for CSA.) I had asked T a question about something and her response included the (relevant) info that she was a victim of CSA. Her CSA experience around the same age that mine did and also involved a family member.

At the end of the session, T asked me how I feel about her disclosing this info. I am not sure how I feel about it. There was a reason and context for her sharing the info with me, but she also could have answered my question without disclosing her personal info.

Because she has had the memories come up during the time period she has been working me with me, I wonder if she is having her own issues in being present with me talking about CS. I asked her if it was difficult for her to be with me and she said no. She said that it has been destabilizing for her to process her memories but that she has already done a lot of her own personal work related to other trauma and so she has been using those tools to quickly mobbed through this. Part of me wants to believe that it is possible to integrate and heal from this type of memory in such a short time (i.e. just a few months). But I can't imagine how someone could have these memories for the first time and still be able to be present for someone else who is processing similar trauma.

I also wonder if it helps me to know this about her, or if it is too much info. It somehow makes me feel responsible for her experience. Like, did her memories come up because of things that I was talking about?

I dunno. Part of me thinks she told me because she is trying to rebuild trust after our very recent major rupture. And that feels a little manipulative to me. But maybe I'm just questioning her motives because of trust-lost during the rupture.

It's all a little confusing to me.

[unaluna]

It feels to me like she overshared. I would have a hard time handling that, because it would be too much like my mother saying, "oh you think you got it bad, THIS worse thing happened to me!" So it was never about me, it was always about her.

So - is this about you, your t, me, my mother, or my t?? KWIM?

[just2b]

I think if its in context of something you shared its fine. I have had similar experience with my T and it doesn't bother me. I feel if anything we have something in common, and she in a way knows where I am coming from. Although i understand everyone's experience is different. It was comforting to know for me. Never think twice about it.

I had therapists do this too early on and I stopped seeing them immediately. I'm not sure how I'd feel about it with a therapist I had seen for awhile. I have no problem with therapists sharing most things, but when it came to their own CSA, it was too much (or at least too much too soon in my case).

I think if it was helpful to you, you'd already know that.
I had a T once they would interject her life into my therapy. I knew no better at that time and thought that somehow bought us closer. I begun to feel as if I was important to her. But hang on, this want getting my stuff processed. It wasn't healing me.
Since her, I found another T. A psychoanalytic therapist. Now my aid is getting processed. Ams I I don't know what T had experienced in her life, and I don't feel 'used'. I don't realise I had felt used with this other T. Busy like the relationship had been with my mother.

I agree with unaluna. I don't see how that disclosure is therapeutic for you. Not only does it have the potential to minimise your experience, it also (as you said) can make you feel responsible for her feelings, which you absolutely are not.
There is a place for her to take those kinds of feelings, and that place is supervision and/or her own therapy.
She should be focusing on empathising with your feelings, not identifying with the situation.

My t shared with me her experience of it. It was helpful to me. My t is very strong and healthy, and if she can become that way after what she went through, so can i,

[TishaBuv]

Her revealing that changed the dynamics of your relationship. It's now like you're going through it together, instead of it just being your issue.

It's totally up to you if you like that and if that works for you to heal. If you decide to change T's, you have every reason and right to, and I'm sure this T would understand.

I think it was good of her to reveal that which gave you the option. She even asked if you were ok with that. If you decide you are not ok with it. All you have to say is you feel having someone neutral with all the focus on your experience would be best for you.

[atisketatasket]

I'm a little confused. Are you saying she only had these memories for the first time while helping you?

If that's the case, I would not want to be discussing CSA with her until she's done her own due diligence on it, never mind tools she has from coping with other traumas. And if that's why you're in therapy, I'd probably leave.

I'd probably leave anyway, but you sound ambivalent - maybe try another session ir two before deciding?

[Bipolar Warrior]

If she felt that it might affect her approach to your treatment, I think it was a good thing for her to disclose. This way you are aware of what is going on for her, which would explain whatever reactions she might have to working with you in the future. Whether or not you are comfortable with that is entirely your decision. It could potentially be a very healing experience for the both of you, or it could fall apart. You should probably talk to her about what this disclosure means for the future of your work together.

Though not really the same issue, I personally found it helpful when my uni therapist told me that she was bullied in school like I was. She told me how she processed it and worked through it. What I heard was that she understands what I went through and how it affected me, which I appreciated a lot. She has also told me that she's struggled with anxiety and depression for years, and it makes me feel more connected to her. But therapist self-disclosure isn't for everyone, and I think my uni therapist recognises that. She probably sensed that I was someone who would benefit from it. She is an integrative therapist and adjusts her approach to each individual she works with.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out.

[stopdog]

I never know why those guys tell me anything about themselves. I don't feel responsible for their feelings - I just am baffled at why they think I would care.

I usually ask them what the point of them telling me is - what am I supposed to get from it. And then, because their answers are so pathetic - I tell them to not do it anymore.
If you didn't want it or find it useful, I would tell them so.

[feralkittymom]

I guess two things about this disclosure bother me. First--that these memories have recently come up, and I think she is being naive to think that she can wrap it all up in a tidy package in a few months by applying some trauma techniques. It would be very easy to imagine that when that proves to be unrealistic, her reactions could be very unpredictable. Second--that she used this info as a way to repair a rupture, which seems like a high risk shortcut, or at the very least, an ill-advised disclosure so soon after a rupture when the relationship is at a point of transition.

I don't know how long you've been seeing her, nor how deep your relationship is. I think at the very least, you are in for a rocky ride. When a T's experience so closely mirrors a client's, especially at an unresolved stage, it heightens the risk of therapy enactments. I would want to know if she were in active, formal supervision, at a minimum. And I think you have every right to ask her about this. If she responds that such supervision isn't necessary, I would treat that as a red flag. Whether you believe you will be more helped than hurt by this relationship, only you can say. I would not be comfortable with the potential burden.

[luvnola]

Everyone is different, but this is not something I'd want to know from a t, especially the part of her memories just coming up during the course of therapy with me. And if she was actually trying to use this to help with the connection or repair the rupture, then it's just icky to me.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I would not want to know something like this from a T. I would feel worried about her and how she's dealing with it and every time I would talk about my issues with it I would worry if its affecting her ability to help me. Therapy is about the client. One of the benefits of the therapy relationship is you don't have to worry about the therapist. Its about you. This would be a deal breaker for me.

[Bill3]

A question like this came up in a class I took about three years ago. The professor said that if the T wanted to comment, what the T should say something like "I feel what you are saying with great intensity." According to this professor, the T should not disclose the reason she feels with such intensity. Fwiw.

Personally, I think that her disclosure was inappropriate. It is her problem to deal with whatever comes up for her. It is not her place, and unprofessional in my view, to involve you in that.