New T too busy to see me weekly?

I've been in therapy for several years before, but I didn't really find it helpful (kept going because I thought it was supposed to be that way).

Over the past few years, several people (including PCP and psychiatrist) recommended that I see therapist again, but I couldn't seem to find anybody who would agree to see me (most said that they don't work with adults with ASD or were just "not accepting new clients").

Finally, a few months ago, I found T who would agree to see me (in the evenings, even, so I didn't have to miss work!). He seems reasonable enough. Mostly focused on concrete goals, but easy enough to relate to.

I had first session with him in mid-January, then second session about two weeks after that. Third session was a few weeks later (he was on vacation) and I emailed after that to ask if I could see him weekly for a while (in introductory paperwork it says "Appointments are usually scheduled once per week," so I didn't think this was horribly out of line).

When I saw him next, he said that he "wasn't totally against" weekly sessions, but usually only really for when people are "actively working on something." Next session was 10 days later (which felt like a good compromise). At that appointment though (yesterday), we were scheduling and he said "Okay, looking for two weeks from now, then?" I was irritated, but agreed (because I'm tired of begging him to see me more frequently).



I'm wondering if others would be similarly frustrated by relatively new T's refusal to schedule appointments more frequently?

I worry that it is something I have done (like he really just can't stand me, finds me annoying, etc.). I feel so incredibly pathetic for wanting to see him more frequently and wonder if anybody else can relate?

Is scheduling/availability generally a deal breaker for you guys too? I am considering seeing other therapists in the meantime (at least then I would have somebody to talk to and not be so alone all the time).

I'm sorry, I don't know what ASD is. It doesn't really make a difference other than perhaps your new T isn't as 'up' on your issues as he should be. IMO, no, you shouldn't have to beg to get more frequent appts. when you feel it's in your best interest. If he just can't schedule you more time (weekly), perhaps you should try to find another therapist.

Thank you so much for your reply!

I'm sorry my initial post was unclear. I probably should have spelled out autism spectrum disorder then (instead of using ASD abbreviation with no explanation).

I really don't know how I want to proceed with this. It took me ~9 months to find this therapist now (and that was actively looking). I *really* don't want to have to start all over again (already!), but I also don't want this process to drag on forever (it feels like it will at this pace now).

I am trying to determine tonight if it is really the appointment frequency itself that bothers me, or more the feeling of being overwhelmingly insecure/annoying/unlikeable (because it feels like he is saving all his time for clients he actually likes), but really it feels like both aspects are bothering me a lot.

Not sure that constitutes therapy.
I know my therapist makes sure she has the slots for ongoing theraoy.

It sounds like he really isn't hearing you, and to be honest if you are finding him unwilling to listen to your needs at this early stage, that can't bode well for your therapeutic relationship.
Is the ASD your primary reason for being in therapy? I wonder if it might be worth trying a therapist who doesn't specialise if you are finding the options limited (perhaps even not disclosing until you have met, so they have the opportunity to meet you as a person, not a diagnosis). I know there are others on this site with ASD who see more general T's.

My guess is that, since you are going in the evening, he only has very limited spots and has committed evening appointment time to too many clients. I doubt it is about you being unlikeable; probably more about poor time/client management on the therapist's part. Talk to him about scheduling out a several weeks/even a month in advance to reserve weekly appointment times. (It might take a few weeks to get that set up as he'll initially have to work around who he already has scheduled, but he should be able to do it given a few weeks.) If he is unable or unwilling to accommodate that, then you might need to find a different therapist.

I don't think it's you at all. What I would be worried about is that he doesn't seem to understand the need for consistence in therapy. I would talk to him about it- maybe that will be enough to resolve it. But if he still doesn't get it, it might be better to keep looking.

Wait, he said you weren't actively working on something? That's a terrible attitude from a therapist towards a client who just started. If you want to be in therapy, find one who can see you weekly. Many therapists do have evening and weekend hours regularly, and they shouldn't take on new clients unless they know they can meet regularly with that client.

Thank you all for the comments -- this is really helpful feedback regarding an issue that has just honestly been tormenting me recently!

ASD is the primary reason for therapy, definitely, and a major reason that options are limited now. I am not very good at explaining thoughts clearly, rarely make eye contact, and tend to be very rigid in my thinking. I imagine this makes me a pretty unlikable client, but people who seem to accept that this is the way I am (instead of assuming I'm willfully choosing to be difficult/resistant/weird/annoying) tend to be a much better fit for me. I'm hesitant to look into seeing more general therapist again because it has been so unsuccessful for me previously, but I know I need to be more open-minded...

This seems like a good solution, potentially! He only has evening appointments, so I don't think that is avoidable, but if I could schedule multiple weeks in advance, that might be very helpful.

This is part of what bothers me a lot also! I have a ridiculously hard time when things change and feel like I really need predictable routine/schedule to feel more comfortable. At the same time, I'm hesitant to say anything about it. I feel like "beggars can't be choosers" and I just should be grateful that he's willing to see me at all.

Yes, if I'm remembering correctly, he did say that (about me not actively working on something). It may have been true then, as I didn't have really clear goals for therapy, and not really in crisis. I'm unhappy/unsatisfied with life currently and honestly have a lot of issues/reasons for being in therapy, but may have been unclear about that initially. I do believe I'm actively working on that stuff, but not really inclined to share that stuff with relative strangers (or anybody really, for the most part).

In some ways, that comment helped to motivate me also, as I feel more pressure to be a "good" client and to make actual changes, so that I can prove (in some ways) that I am making progress, motivated to improve, etc.

It may be that I'm just not thinking clearly after a long day today, but I think I may have worked out a possible solution for this issue?

Basically, a few hours before most recent session with new T (last week), I saw psychiatrist for med check. I didn't think I had much to say (since things have been going well for me recently), but I accidentally used word that new T used last time (relationship instead of friendship), and that ended up leading to a very helpful/productive conversation for me (I wasn't able to talk about relationships at all when new T had asked me, but very easy to talk to psychiatrist). I felt way better by the time I left (he seemed to normalize some of my concerns, helped me to put things in perspective, and said that my social/communication skills are not awful).

I'm already seeing psychiatrist for monthly med checks (30-60 min. sessions) and I understand he is not a therapist, but he seems to understand me well and is easy to talk to. If he might be willing to see me twice a month, then I think I could alternate those appointments with therapy appointments (averaging out to about 4x/month total, which is similar frequency to weekly appointments).

Even if I just talked to psychiatrist about this (maybe for an extra session or two, if possible?), I think it would be helpful to get his feedback/perspective. He seems to have a slightly better understanding of how to help me and, in general, I don't get the impression that he hates me (obviously, could be wrong about that though!). I'm not exactly sure how he'd respond (I feel sort of like I need to fix this mess myself and not drag him into it), but I think it would be helpful to get his advice (I assume he could then maybe help me to figure out why this has been so upsetting and potentially organize other plans like referral to different T, communication with new T, adjustment of expectations, and/or plan to see him temporarily or otherwise fill time with different therapeutic activity that wouldn't require new T to see me more frequently)? Not sure if it will work, but have weekend to think about it, at least...