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  #26  
Old Mar 03, 2016, 09:19 PM
Anonymous59898
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Originally Posted by BayBrony View Post
I'm sure it depends on your relationship. My T and I have exchanged lots of small things like shells we found etc. In the case of the bracelet I made certain shed accept something I'd made ( she's seen examples of my beadwork so she knew what she was getting). I knew it would crush me if she refused it because of the work involved in making it. So before I made it i checked with her and she was actually so excited that she kept asking me if it was done yet : ).

I didn't have to ask about the shells etc BC she gave me one first.
I'm always one to lean toward asking.
And like I said I really was surprised by how huge my feelings about the gift were, so think that through. Of course for me it was not just a gift but a piece of art I designed and spent many hours making so maybe you would not have so many strong feelings.

Very true! Thanks for adding this. Every therapist is different.

Your artwork is beautiful BayBrony, and agreed that asking first is best. She sounds very appreciative!
Thanks for this!
BayBrony

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  #27  
Old Mar 03, 2016, 09:20 PM
luvnola luvnola is offline
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I don't know when my ts birthday is (I've seen her 7 years) and I doubt she knows mine. A couple years ago I had an appt on my birthday and it was never mentioned. I have a hard time wrapping my head around some of the things posted, tbh. I suppose if a gift were to be given, something for the office is most appropriate, imo. Jewelry is too personal. Again, just my opinion.
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Cinnamon_Stick
  #28  
Old Mar 03, 2016, 09:27 PM
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Originally Posted by BayBrony View Post
Starry and her T have their own relationship that works for them. Unless someone is asking for advice I don't think its supportive or fairvto criticize T relationships you don't know anything about.

My T has conversations with my spirit animals and at our last session she tickled me for several minutes straight because I teased her about something. There are all kinds of unique relationships out there that don't fit a mold. My T and I have worked together for 4 year . Some boundaries are important to her. Others. Like physical closeness or saying " I love you" are not important to her.

I'd prefer people avoid judging other people's T relationships unless someone is asking for help or advice.

Hopefully my comments did not come across as judging, and I'm so sorry if that was the case!

There are all kinds of therapists, with infinitely different methods and boundaries. What is normal for one relationship could be out of the question in another, through no fault of the client. Open communication around expectation is key.
  #29  
Old Mar 03, 2016, 09:40 PM
itjustis itjustis is offline
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Originally Posted by BayBrony View Post
Starry and her T have their own relationship that works for them. Unless someone is asking for advice I don't think its supportive or fairvto criticize T relationships you don't know anything about.


My T has conversations with my spirit animals and at our last session she tickled me for several minutes straight because I teased her about something. There are all kinds of unique relationships out there that don't fit a mold. My T and I have worked together for 4 year . Some boundaries are important to her. Others. Like physical closeness or saying " I love you" are not important to her.


I'd prefer people avoid judging other people's T relationships unless someone is asking for help or advice.

I'm all for close relationships with T's, this is what makes therapy work. I'm close to mine, like I said before. But we all have our own boundaries based on our own therapeutic experiences.
I'm not judging in any way, just giving my opinion and advice Birthday present for T?

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  #30  
Old Mar 03, 2016, 09:43 PM
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ilikecats ilikecats is offline
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Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick View Post
Thank you! I thought long and hard about what I wanted to give her. I remember you saying your T gave you a necklace. That is so special. What did she say to you when she gave it to you?

Yeah its super special and I wear it every day. When she gave it to me it was right before she went on vacation, and I forget what she said for sure, but I think it was something about feeling closer while she was gone. She also said I can like rub the beads and stuff to help with anxious feelings, and I find that comforting.

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Cinnamon_Stick
  #31  
Old Mar 03, 2016, 09:52 PM
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Regarding gifts, a counselling lecturer of mine has an elderly client who cooks for him and brings the home made food into her session.

He said whether or not a T accepts a gift... What matters is "what affirms the client".
Thanks for this!
Cinnamon_Stick
  #32  
Old Mar 03, 2016, 10:31 PM
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BayBrony BayBrony is offline
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Originally Posted by itjustis View Post
I'm all for close relationships with T's, this is what makes therapy work. I'm close to mine, like I said before. But we all have our own boundaries based on our own therapeutic experiences.
I'm not judging in any way, just giving my opinion and advice Birthday present for T?

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My point was, advice is best directed towards people who ask for advice . otherwise it discourages people from being honest about their experiences. Starry was just sharing her experience and didn't ask anyone to comment on whether her T relationship Is appropriate. Unless someone says they feel.uncomfortable/confused/ need advice I think its best to assume they are safe in their relationship.
Thanks for this!
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  #33  
Old Mar 03, 2016, 10:43 PM
musinglizzy musinglizzy is offline
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Originally Posted by BayBrony View Post
My point was, advice is best directed towards people who ask for advice . otherwise it discourages people from being honest about their experiences. Starry was just sharing her experience and didn't ask anyone to comment on whether her T relationship Is appropriate. Unless someone says they feel.uncomfortable/confused/ need advice I think its best to assume they are safe in their relationship.
Unsolicited advice/opinions. Makes sense!
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rainbow8
  #34  
Old Mar 04, 2016, 05:06 AM
itjustis itjustis is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BayBrony View Post
My point was, advice is best directed towards people who ask for advice . otherwise it discourages people from being honest about their experiences. Starry was just sharing her experience and didn't ask anyone to comment on whether her T relationship Is appropriate. Unless someone says they feel.uncomfortable/confused/ need advice I think its best to assume they are safe in their relationship.

I apologise if I caused any offence. That really wasn't my intention. I'll be more mindful next time Birthday present for T?

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  #35  
Old Mar 04, 2016, 06:04 AM
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I agree with the comments that each therapist-client relationship (well, each human-human relationship) is unique and if something works and is beneficial, it's a good idea to sustain it. I have the same opinion on boundaries in general.

That said, I have never been big on anniversaries, holidays etc and would not give a birthday gift to my T (don't even celebrate my own bday). No idea when his bday is and I don't think he knows mine either. What I would consider though is if we have done something special together, like a breakthrough in our work, I might acknowledge that with some sort of creative symbolic gift. I think anything that carries a meaning can be interesting to share especially if we are open and willing to explore the significance of both the gifting and the gift together.
Thanks for this!
Cinnamon_Stick, musinglizzy, Out There
  #36  
Old Mar 04, 2016, 07:16 AM
musinglizzy musinglizzy is offline
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Originally Posted by Xynesthesia View Post
I agree with the comments that each therapist-client relationship (well, each human-human relationship) is unique and if something works and is beneficial, it's a good idea to sustain it. I have the same opinion on boundaries in general.

That said, I have never been big on anniversaries, holidays etc and would not give a birthday gift to my T (don't even celebrate my own bday). No idea when his bday is and I don't think he knows mine either. What I would consider though is if we have done something special together, like a breakthrough in our work, I might acknowledge that with some sort of creative symbolic gift. I think anything that carries a meaning can be interesting to share especially if we are open and willing to explore the significance of both the gifting and the gift together.
I'm not usually one to celebrate/acknowledge my own birthday either, but I do enjoy making birthdays for others pretty special. I know when my T's birthday is.....I gave her a painting I did last year. And she usually Emails me a "Happy Birthday" on mine.
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Last edited by musinglizzy; Mar 04, 2016 at 08:06 AM.
Thanks for this!
Cinnamon_Stick
  #37  
Old Mar 04, 2016, 08:01 AM
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ruh roh ruh roh is offline
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I don't know when my therapist's birthday is. She knows mine because there was an issue around it this past year, but she didn't wish me anything. She makes it easy not to really care one way or the other.
Thanks for this!
Cinnamon_Stick
  #38  
Old Mar 04, 2016, 05:58 PM
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Cinnamon_Stick Cinnamon_Stick is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xynesthesia View Post
I agree with the comments that each therapist-client relationship (well, each human-human relationship) is unique and if something works and is beneficial, it's a good idea to sustain it. I have the same opinion on boundaries in general.

That said, I have never been big on anniversaries, holidays etc and would not give a birthday gift to my T (don't even celebrate my own bday). No idea when his bday is and I don't think he knows mine either. What I would consider though is if we have done something special together, like a breakthrough in our work, I might acknowledge that with some sort of creative symbolic gift. I think anything that carries a meaning can be interesting to share especially if we are open and willing to explore the significance of both the gifting and the gift together.

In December I gave my T a journal I made. Inside it I wrote all the ways therapy has helped me and how she has helped me and all the changes that have happened in my life because of therapy and then at the end I wrote her a little personal note. She loves it. She almost cried when I gave it to her and I have seen it on her desk. I put so much time and effort into it and its so wonderful that she loves it and appreciates it so much!
Thanks for this!
MobiusPsyche, Out There, rainbow8
  #39  
Old Mar 05, 2016, 02:54 PM
Anonymous55498
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Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick View Post
In December I gave my T a journal I made. Inside it I wrote all the ways therapy has helped me and how she has helped me and all the changes that have happened in my life because of therapy and then at the end I wrote her a little personal note. She loves it. She almost cried when I gave it to her and I have seen it on her desk. I put so much time and effort into it and its so wonderful that she loves it and appreciates it so much!
That sounds awesome! A good example for what I meant by giving them something meaningful, personal, and the "two of us". My T is an artist, visual arts. He publicly shares lots of his artwork online. I am into computer graphics. I am thinking that I will take some pieces of his art and "transform" them according to my imagination with my graphics tools, then give the result back to him. A daring and risky expedition, but I am a risk taker kind of person. A form of manifesting transference reactions that we can discuss in sessions.
Thanks for this!
Cinnamon_Stick
  #40  
Old Mar 05, 2016, 07:37 PM
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Lauliza Lauliza is offline
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Originally Posted by itjustis View Post
To me that's really unprofessional.
There's a fine line between good therapist & client relationship and bad therapist & client relationship. This one rings alarms bells to me.

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Starry has a long term relationship with her T and it is not the typical T/client relationship.
  #41  
Old Mar 05, 2016, 07:50 PM
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clairelisbeth clairelisbeth is offline
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I don't know when my T's birthday is-I've been meaning to ask, actually. I've known her for 5 years, and would like to be able to say "Happy Birthday!, because I love my T. But I probably wouldn't give her a present or a card.

On my birthday every year, my T brings us some sort of treat, and we share it together. I love that she does that.
Thanks for this!
Cinnamon_Stick
  #42  
Old Mar 06, 2016, 12:49 AM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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I think I originally found my T's birthday online but I also guessed it from her email address. I've mostly given her homemade art gifts, like a collage, or a painting. Both of those are on display in her office, and she likes to tell how many people comment positively about them! I've also written a poem for her birthday and sent an ecard once. I also baked her cookies.

For my birthday, we made a card together once. Other times she's emailed me "happy birthday". This year she gave me something small and wrote a beautiful note along with it.

My T and I have a close relationship but I don't know if she would have acknowledged my birthday if I hadn't told her how much it means to me that she does so. She always accepts my presents to her graciously and enthusiastically.
Thanks for this!
Cinnamon_Stick
  #43  
Old Mar 06, 2016, 07:13 AM
dtrain0802 dtrain0802 is offline
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Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick View Post
Has anyone ever given there T a birthday present? What did you give her? How did she respond?


My T gave me one of those adult coloring books for my birthday and so I thought it would be symbolic for me to color a picture from it and give it to her for her birthday. I also got a pair of crystal necklaces and I want to give her one and then I would have one, so we would both have one.

My opinion is anything above and beyond a greeting card and an extremely small token of appreciation (i.e., a $5.00 gift certificate to Starbucks or something similar, etc.) is inappropriate.

I believe gift-giving to be a true art form that can enhance our relationships with those in our lives but at the end of the day he / she is paid in some way, shape or form to do one thing; that tasking being to provide you with mental health treatment. Period.

He or she isn't going to like you any more or less - at least if they're any good at their job - based on the gifts you give them.



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  #44  
Old Mar 06, 2016, 09:21 AM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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Originally Posted by dtrain0802 View Post
My opinion is anything above and beyond a greeting card and an extremely small token of appreciation (i.e., a $5.00 gift certificate to Starbucks or something similar, etc.) is inappropriate.

I believe gift-giving to be a true art form that can enhance our relationships with those in our lives but at the end of the day he / she is paid in some way, shape or form to do one thing; that tasking being to provide you with mental health treatment. Period.

He or she isn't going to like you any more or less - at least if they're any good at their job - based on the gifts you give them.

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I don't give my T gifts in order for her to like me more! I give them because of how much I like and appreciate HER. "Providing me with mental health treatment: period" is not the way my T does therapy. She and I have a close relationship, with boundaries, of course, and because of that relationship, healing occurs. Not everyone has the same relationship with their Ts.
Thanks for this!
Cinnamon_Stick
  #45  
Old Mar 06, 2016, 09:45 AM
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BayBrony BayBrony is offline
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Originally Posted by rainbow8 View Post
I don't give my T gifts in order for her to like me more! I give them because of how much I like and appreciate HER. "Providing me with mental health treatment: period" is not the way my T does therapy. She and I have a close relationship, with boundaries, of course, and because of that relationship, healing occurs. Not everyone has the same relationship with their Ts.

I agree. I spent all those hours making the bracelet as a physical expression of my gratitude . my heart was so full of thanks and love that it inspired art. I don't expect that she likes me any better because of it---- but the thing is, I already know I am special to her , that I have a unique place in her heart. I'm not worried about earning her love as I know I already have it. But sometimes that love just explodes out in various ways. Sometimes it's a spontaneous bone crunching hug, sometimes its complimenting her in some ways, and sometimes its a gift. And some things I don't count as gifts---like she loves tea and I drink chinese chrysanthemum tea and I told her about it. Not long after I brought her some after I bought it for myself. I would not even consider that a gift .
Thanks for this!
Cinnamon_Stick, Ellahmae, rainbow8
  #46  
Old Mar 06, 2016, 10:04 AM
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Cinnamon_Stick Cinnamon_Stick is offline
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Originally Posted by dtrain0802 View Post
My opinion is anything above and beyond a greeting card and an extremely small token of appreciation (i.e., a $5.00 gift certificate to Starbucks or something similar, etc.) is inappropriate.

I believe gift-giving to be a true art form that can enhance our relationships with those in our lives but at the end of the day he / she is paid in some way, shape or form to do one thing; that tasking being to provide you with mental health treatment. Period.

He or she isn't going to like you any more or less - at least if they're any good at their job - based on the gifts you give them.



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I would not give my T anything for her to like me more. We have a special unique relationship. It's deeper and more intimate than most relationships. I give her gifts because I appreciate what she does for me. A page from a coloring book is not a huge expensive thing. It's a symbol of how much I love the coloring book she gave me. Everyone has a different relationship with there T and it's not wrong, it's ok.

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  #47  
Old Mar 06, 2016, 10:06 AM
dtrain0802 dtrain0802 is offline
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Originally Posted by rainbow8 View Post
I don't give my T gifts in order for her to like me more! I give them because of how much I like and appreciate HER. "Providing me with mental health treatment: period" is not the way my T does therapy. She and I have a close relationship, with boundaries, of course, and because of that relationship, healing occurs. Not everyone has the same relationship with their Ts.

That's awesome; it really is and - much like yourself - I absolutely adore my therapist but it doesn't change the context of our relationship. Even if I was inclined to give her the shirt off my back, it doesn't change the product or service she provides me or the result at the end of it all. She's not my friend and she won't be when I stop seeing her.

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