[Cinnamon_Stick]

Has anyone ever given there T a birthday present? What did you give her? How did she respond?

My T gave me one of those adult coloring books for my birthday and so I thought it would be symbolic for me to color a picture from it and give it to her for her birthday. I also got a pair of crystal necklaces and I want to give her one and then I would have one, so we would both have one.

[Inner_Firefly]

I love your ideas, I hope your T likes your gifts! You are lucky to have a gift from your T! What picture will you choose and how did you get your T to tell her b day?

[Chummy]

I haven't given this T (or any previous T) a present for her birthday. But I don't know when her birthday is. And I don't get gifts from her. If I would get a gift from my T, then I would give her a present too. Your idea sounds nice.

I've only given my T (and only this T) a card when I quit therapy the first time. And when I'm done with this therapy, I'll give her a card again. She liked it the first time.
I wish I would get a card or just a simple letter from her. But she's good at keeping things seperate. She's just my T, nothing more.

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

Has anyone ever given there T a birthday present? What did you give her? How did she respond?


My T gave me one of those adult coloring books for my birthday and so I thought it would be symbolic for me to color a picture from it and give it to her for her birthday. I also got a pair of crystal necklaces and I want to give her one and then I would have one, so we would both have one.

As kind as it is to want to give gifts to your T for her birthday, in my opinion, that may be crossing the boundaries? Maybe a card would be sufficient with a little heart felt verse inside?
I'm just going through maternal transference with my T and for me, I'd think the giving of gifts would be too personal. It is after all a professional relationship.
Would love to hear what you decided to do and how she accepted it


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I don't even know when my T's birthday is.

I think a card is certainly fine, and the colored picture from the coloring book she gave you sounds like a great gift. The necklaces might be a bit too personal though. Shared necklaces just seems a bit too "relationshippy" (for lack of a better word).

[ilikecats]

I think your gift ideas sound awesome! I've thought about wanting to have "matching" necklaces with my T too since she gave me one of hers. If you do give it to her, I just personally would want to make it clear that I didn't expect her to wear it all the time. I have given my T a gift before, for Hanukkah though not a birthday, and she reacted really happy. I gave a little decorative dish thing and a card, and she was just super sweet about it. I plan to give her a birthday present this spring too. Anyways, it's awesome your T gave you a coloring book, and I think you have good ideas for a gift!

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[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by Inner_Firefly

I love your ideas, I hope your T likes your gifts! You are lucky to have a gift from your T! What picture will you choose and how did you get your T to tell her b day?

I choose a picture from the book that I think she will like. Its seems strange when I describe it though. I asked her last summer when her birthday was because for some reason I thought it was in July and she told me that its in March.

[stopdog]

I don't know when either of their birthdays are. I don't know how it would come up that I would know and I certainly would not get them a present. I doubt either of them know when my birthday is either.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by itjustis

As kind as it is to want to give gifts to your T for her birthday, in my opinion, that may be crossing the boundaries? Maybe a card would be sufficient with a little heart felt verse inside?
I'm just going through maternal transference with my T and for me, I'd think the giving of gifts would be too personal. It is after all a professional relationship.
Would love to hear what you decided to do and how she accepted it

My T has already told me that she accepts gifts. I don't think its crossing boundaries. She gave me a adult coloring book for my birthday (probably because she had been telling me about them) and it felt good and natural. We have a really close relationship even though its professional.

[junkDNA]

my T's birthday is today. i gave him a card with daria on it and a deck of rainbow playing cards cause we play rummy a lot. he's given me some cards and a calvin and hobbes comic book

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I don't even know when my T's birthday is.

I think a card is certainly fine, and the colored picture from the coloring book she gave you sounds like a great gift. The necklaces might be a bit too personal though. Shared necklaces just seems a bit too "relationshippy" (for lack of a better word).

I feel as though giving a card is not right. I thought about a card for Christmas but that felt not right with me. Not sure why. I am iffy about the necklaces. I am def going to give her the picture from the coloring book. I thought the necklaces would be nice since we both love crystals.

[BayBrony]

It wasn't for her birthday but I do Native American beadwork and I made her a loomed bracelet with an otter which is her totem animal.
I was a little worried. We have given each other gifts before but my loomed pieces are really art and the bracelet represented many hours of work . I'd afraid she'd think it was too much and turn it down.
I wish I knew when her birthday is but I don't. Which is weird considering how close we are now that I think about it

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by ilikecats

I think your gift ideas sound awesome! I've thought about wanting to have "matching" necklaces with my T too since she gave me one of hers. If you do give it to her, I just personally would want to make it clear that I didn't expect her to wear it all the time. I have given my T a gift before, for Hanukkah though not a birthday, and she reacted really happy. I gave a little decorative dish thing and a card, and she was just super sweet about it. I plan to give her a birthday present this spring too. Anyways, it's awesome your T gave you a coloring book, and I think you have good ideas for a gift!

Thank you! I thought long and hard about what I wanted to give her. I remember you saying your T gave you a necklace. That is so special. What did she say to you when she gave it to you?

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

It wasn't for her birthday but I do Native American beadwork and I made her a loomed bracelet with an otter which is her totem animal.
I was a little worried. We have given each other gifts before but my loomed pieces are really art and the bracelet represented many hours of work . I'd afraid she'd think it was too much and turn it down.
I wish I knew when her birthday is but I don't. Which is weird considering how close we are now that I think about it

Did you give her the bracelet? If not then you should! That is so special and so sweet that you made that for her. Its sounds beautiful. Would you be hurt if she didn't wear it?

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

Did you give her the bracelet? If not then you should! That is so special and so sweet that you made that for her. Its sounds beautiful. Would you be hurt if she didn't wear it?

I did give it to her and she loved it. But then I noticed she never wore it and I actually finally got up the courage to ask if she had not liked it for real. But it turned out that she needed her husband to do the clasps ( I had a lot of trouble finding clasps that were the right color and they were a bit small and awkward) but assured me she wears it all the time on the weekends. I believe her and it was a huge thing that I was able to ask at all.

The picture is a good idea. What do the necklaces look like?

[BayBrony]

This is the bracelet

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

I did give it to her and she loved it. But then I noticed she never wore it and I actually finally got up the courage to ask if she had not liked it for real. But it turned out that she needed her husband to do the clasps ( I had a lot of trouble finding clasps that were the right color and they were a bit small and awkward) but assured me she wears it all the time on the weekends. I believe her and it was a huge thing that I was able to ask at all.

The picture is a good idea. What do the necklaces look like?

Thank you for the picture, the bracelet is so beautiful. It looks like something you would see in a jewelry store.

The necklaces are just little crystals. One is blue and one is more of gray color.

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

My T has already told me that she accepts gifts. I don't think its crossing boundaries. She gave me a adult coloring book for my birthday (probably because she had been telling me about them) and it felt good and natural. We have a really close relationship even though its professional.

That's great. I'm glad you feel that way with your T, but I'd still remain skeptical of giving gifts...especially jewellery. That is a personal thing for me.
How would you feel if she didn't wear it? Or how would you feel if she did?

I suppose it depends on the relationship you have with your T.
My T and I are close in a professional sense too but I don't know her birthday & she doesn't know mine...although I do know personal aspects of her life in a way that is relevant to my therapy.
Boundaries are a big thing for me at the moment so maybe I'm being to harsh, I don't know!




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[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

Thank you for the picture, the bracelet is so beautiful. It looks like something you would see in a jewelry store.

The necklaces are just little crystals. One is blue and one is more of gray color.

That sounds nice but you DO have to consider how you'd feel if she doesn't wear it. I THOUGHT I'd be fine and it turned out the feelings were a lot bigger than I expected.

I think a therapy gift should be thought about carefully.

With the example of jewelry, would you be okay if you gave it to her, and she gave it back? What if she accepted it and you never saw her wear it? What if she accepted it, and she wore it every single time you saw her? What if she put it on her bookshelf for display? What if she did something weird with it?

I'd be most upset if she wore it every single time I saw her. I'd assume she was trying to placate me.

I read somewhere that therapists dread getting gifts from clients because they don't know what the expectations are. It's like pinning them in a corner and forcing them to wile their way out with the least amount of carnage.

My t and i have birthdays a couple days apart so we always have a birthday party just for us. We get each other bunches of fun and silly presents and a couple of really nice things.we also have cake and ice cream. She especially likes gifts that i have made, such as paintings or jewelry.She also really likes things to pamper herself, a pretty shirt, like lotions,soap, candy, earrings,etc.

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

My t and i have birthdays a couple days apart so we always have a birthday party just for us. We get each other bunches of fun and silly presents and a couple of really nice things.we also have cake and ice cream. She especially likes gifts that i have made, such as paintings or jewelry.She also really likes things to pamper herself, a pretty shirt, like lotions,soap, candy, earrings,etc.

I think this sounds wonderful Starry Night, but is not even close to typical.

I'm only pointing this out in case anyone is disappointed with the lack of birthday fanfare in their own therapies.

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by FallingFreely

I think a therapy gift should be thought about carefully.

With the example of jewelry, would you be okay if you gave it to her, and she gave it back? What if she accepted it and you never saw her wear it? What if she accepted it, and she wore it every single time you saw her? What if she put it on her bookshelf for display? What if she did something weird with it?

I'd be most upset if she wore it every single time I saw her. I'd assume she was trying to placate me.

I read somewhere that therapists dread getting gifts from clients because they don't know what the expectations are. It's like pinning them in a corner and forcing them to wile their way out with the least amount of carnage.

I'm sure it depends on your relationship. My T and I have exchanged lots of small things like shells we found etc. In the case of the bracelet I made certain shed accept something I'd made ( she's seen examples of my beadwork so she knew what she was getting). I knew it would crush me if she refused it because of the work involved in making it. So before I made it i checked with her and she was actually so excited that she kept asking me if it was done yet : ).

I didn't have to ask about the shells etc BC she gave me one first.
I'm always one to lean toward asking.
And like I said I really was surprised by how huge my feelings about the gift were, so think that through. Of course for me it was not just a gift but a piece of art I designed and spent many hours making so maybe you would not have so many strong feelings.

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

My t and i have birthdays a couple days apart so we always have a birthday party just for us. We get each other bunches of fun and silly presents and a couple of really nice things.we also have cake and ice cream. She especially likes gifts that i have made, such as paintings or jewelry.She also really likes things to pamper herself, a pretty shirt, like lotions,soap, candy, earrings,etc.

To me that's really unprofessional.
There's a fine line between good therapist & client relationship and bad therapist & client relationship. This one rings alarms bells to me.

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[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by itjustis

To me that's really unprofessional.
There's a fine line between good therapist & client relationship and bad therapist & client relationship. This one rings alarms bells to me.

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Starry and her T have their own relationship that works for them. Unless someone is asking for advice I don't think its supportive or fairvto criticize T relationships you don't know anything about.

My T has conversations with my spirit animals and at our last session she tickled me for several minutes straight because I teased her about something. There are all kinds of unique relationships out there that don't fit a mold. My T and I have worked together for 4 year . Some boundaries are important to her. Others. Like physical closeness or saying " I love you" are not important to her.

I'd prefer people avoid judging other people's T relationships unless someone is asking for help or advice.