[ErinBear]

Hello,

I wrote my therapist today and told him I want to stop therapy. We've been discussing our working relationship for a month or more now, and we both realize we're not getting along very well. But the last few sessions have just been really bad - in my opinion - and I really don't see a point in returning. I told him I could come to the appointment I have on Tuesday if he wishes to finalize the closure, but I really do wish to stop, whether we just stop now, or we stop Tuesday, one way or another. Usually he keeps wanting me to come back again the following week even though we've talked about stopping before, but we're not getting anywhere. I really want this to stop.

It's also hard in a way, because I really don't have any other ideas for finding another counselor or therapist. Since the therapist I worked with really well moved away about a year ago, I have seen a number of Ts. I think this one was number 5. I have seen him for six months. I was wishing it would work out because I could afford his fees, and his office was at a location I could reach by public transit and walking (I don't have a car). But I just don't think we're a good personality match, and his therapy approach isn't a good fit for me. I don't feel safe talking there. His approach is very distant, and I just feel scared there all the time. If I were going to see a therapist again, I wish I could find somebody who were more supportive and caring, at least in sessions. I wish they could listen and seem to understand what I am saying. It has also been hard because this fellow doesn't have any sort of plan for what happens when there are problems between sessions, and it doesn't seem okay to ask about developing a plan for what I can do on my own, either. The other counselors and therapists I saw in the past were okay with email, or phone calls, when problems arose. Or we could talk about how I might come up with plans to deal with things on my own when things are bad. But in this working relationship, it doesn't seem okay to discuss much of anything at all. I can't really figure out what's okay to discuss, in actuality. I contrast this with the working relationship I had with the last main counselor I saw, and it was okay to discuss virtually anything with him. The only limit was my own shyness, or lack of bravery! That was exceedingly helpful, to have a place where it was okay to discuss things like that, and get support and work things out in my mind, and work on feelings and such.

I think at this point, I probably will stop therapy. I don't know how to find another therapist that I can afford, and find an office I can reach....I've been trying. So I think that this may be it for now. Which is also a difficult thing, because it's been a hard time, and I am aware I'm still not doing very well. I wish there were better answers, and I don't think that there is. So it's hard.

Thanks for listening.

Take care,
ErinBear

[LittleMouse]

I know this must be a really tough time for you and I know that you must be feeling scared. I don't know what I would do without my T as I seem to need him a great deal. It scares me just reading how you are feeling but I just wanted to say hang in there and I hope that all goes well for you in the future.

[MissCharlotte]

((Erin))

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time.

For me, bottom line, safety is the most important issue. Can you ask this T for a referral, rather than giving up? I hope you can keep trying to find a good match because you're worth it!!

Good luck.

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((ErinBear)))))))))))))))))))))))))) It sounds like you have thought through your relationship very well. I hope you can find another t that you can connect with and is also accessible by public transportation. Take care.

BB

I'm so sorry, Erinbear. Definatley don't give up. If you like, I can even work on helping you find a few more options. I know how hard it is when you feel to tired to find another. Hugs. Hugs.

[sunrise]

((((ErinBear))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( ErinBear )))))))))))))))))

[dreamrunner]

Erinbear
I agree with the others that just because this T isnt working out,that maybe you could look into another T....sounds like thats what you want but are tired of the search for compatibility.
In any case the decision is yours.
Wishing you the best

i am sorry too... i have occasionally wondered about the match i have... but if the match is really bad, and it sounds like it is, then you need to find someone else. i am sorry i don't know your history of moving through so many T's... it sounds very sad and unfortunate.

i hope you find someone soon. i wish there was a better way to find a T... i shopped the yellow pages... seems unfair for something so intimate. There should be some sort of service which could help match client to T... maybe like those internet dating services who guarantee to find your soul mate.

[ErinBear]

Thank you (((((((((Everyone)))))))))) for your support and caring. It means a lot to me. Thank you for your understanding and sharing here.

I haven't heard back from my T so far, and I'm wondering now if this is him "having strong boundaries," which I know he likes to have, or he hasn't received the message. I guess I thought he might respond in some fashion, at least acknowledging he'd received it or to say goodbye or something, but possibly not. I did ask for referrals, which I'm not in a position to use right now (I also can't actually afford therapy at the moment, another wrinkle in the fabric)....but I could keep the information for a later date. But maybe he won't be responding. I don't know. Anyway, thanks everyone. I really appreciate it.

Take care,
ErinBear

will you go anyway if he doesn't respond?

[ErinBear]

Hi Gerber,

No, I won't go. I'll probably leave a phone message in addition, so I'll make absolutely sure he has the information that I'm stopping. We've been talking about this for at least 4-6 sessions now, maybe longer. I think it's time to stop. And I can't afford to go financially at this point.

Thanks for listening.

Take care,
ErinBear

[ErinBear]

Hi,

I got an email back from him. He said he received the email, and the phone message (I did finally call last night, and left a brief message - I wanted to make sure he received the information and knew I was cancelling the appointment for Tuesday). He accepted my more final termination of the working relationship. So it is really over now.

Take care,
ErinBear

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
ErinBear said:
Hi,

I got an email back from him. He said he received the email, and the phone message (I did finally call last night, and left a brief message - I wanted to make sure he received the information and knew I was cancelling the appointment for Tuesday). He accepted my more final termination of the working relationship. So it is really over now.

Take care,
ErinBear

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I hope for the best (((erinbear))) I hope what ever direction you take now is sought with happiness...

[dreamrunner]

Good luck ErinBear.....wishing you all the best.

it's good to at least know where it all stands. You should be proud of yourself for having the strength to know yourself and the benefits or lack there of. It takes a lot to just stand up like that and intiate termination. Most people i think would cling to the T and settle for less than they need.

best of luck on the next leg of your journey. You never know, maybe you will find a T that does discounted or sliding scale.

[ErinBear]

Thanks Moonkin - I appreciate it, and I wish you well also.

Take care,
ErinBear

[ErinBear]

Thanks so much Dreamrunner....I appreciate the support from everyone here.

Take care,
ErinBear

[ErinBear]

Thanks Gerber. Yes, I think it's good to have made a decision, as the decision process itself was weighing on me. Still, I do have mixed feelings at this point. Even though this therapy relationship wasn't working out, it still was a connection of some sort, and now there isn't one (if that makes sense). I guess that's odd! I think it's probably for the better, but I admit it's still hard for now.

Thanks to you and everyone else here for listening.

Wishing you well.

Take care,
ErinBear