I mentioned to T how when I have walked away from people for whatever reason. I'm then tormented with wanting to go back to them. It's like a push-pull thing. Have I done the right thing type of thinking.
I said how I envy people that make a decision to walk away (for whatever reason) and don't look back. I feel compelled to look back.

T said, that's the fantasy you have around your birth mother - did she battle over giving you up. Did she then regret giving you up want you back - that's what you are acting out.

I was aware I lists wondered if she thought about me. But want aware until we spoke about this, that I was actually acting my longings out.

Best to be aware, can understand better for myself now, what that push -pull thing is about.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

I mentioned to T how when I have walked away from people for whatever reason. I'm then tormented with wanting to go back to them. It's like a push-pull thing. Have I done the right thing type of thinking.
I said how I envy people that make a decision to walk away (for whatever reason) and don't look back. I feel compelled to look back.

T said, that's the fantasy you have around your birth mother - did she battle over giving you up. Did she then regret giving you up want you back - that's what you are acting out.

I was aware I lists wondered if she thought about me. But want aware until we spoke about this, that I was actually acting my longings out.

Best to be aware, can understand better for myself now, what that push -pull thing is about.

I understand what you've been feeling and the push-pull thing. Fortunately, I knew from a social history report that a social worker weaseled out of the state that my birth mother didn't want me. I've never gone through the push-pull of it all, but my adopted brother is going through it...and has most of his life. I can only imagine that it's a lot like always doubting yourself and your decisions and not knowing why. You're right...being aware is always best. At least you can put things together now.