[ladyrevan21]

So -- great news! Amazing news, actually. I spoke with my therapist about many things, including my anger issues and one of the possible roots of that -- that being how I was treated by some authority figures in my childhood (thankfully not every authority figure was awful -- a lot of them really encouraged me -- but the ones who did treat me badly did send out the message that I was pretty much different from the start, ergo, I deserved to be treated like dirt. I think that's why they stood out). Besides telling me that the treatment I got was not my fault and that it's over now (I guess that's what I need to keep reminding myself -- it's 2016 now, not 2000 or any of those other years, and the only times I've been back to that old school are for elections and dog-walkings), she and I also worked together in terms of developing coping skills. Just trying different things and seeing what works -- creative expression was one suggestion, physical activity, etc. So I'm going to have to work on those. Finding stuff that works.

I think so far, I'm making progress. I'm getting my memories back, setting boundaries, and starting to work on my anger. I guess in a way I am making more progress than I've given myself credit for. It's going to be a hard road, but I'll get there. I think I can actually kind of sort of see a future.

[Argonautomobile]

Awesome!

[ladyrevan21]

Thanks! Honestly, just knowing I can start patching up from the stuff I'm certain of is a huge relief.

It's great to hear you are making progress, and have an open mind to try new things!

[ladyrevan21]

Thanks! Yeah, I think that there's a lot of stuff I'm uncertain of (and my therapist said it was okay/I wasn't stupid for being uncertain about things which meant a lot to me. I guess that's another thing I'm wondering about/definitely want to work on: why do I basically think I'm stupid/naive/don't know anything?), but it's mostly working on the stuff I am certain of that's enough to make me feel like I'm finally getting somewhere. (And getting to vent about some of my family members felt good too. I guess the downside was that I started basically bawling and ranting the whole time during therapy but I guess that's kind of a given sometimes. And I got to tell her another piece of the flash I uncovered which was feeling stupid/ashamed in that flash that I didn't fight back or say "no" or realize what was happening to me, where she told me it wasn't my fault. Heck, hearing that how I was treated at school by some authority figures -- which I know for certain happened -- wasn't my fault...that was reassuring to hear)

But yeah, finding ways to manage my anger and such...it feels like I am getting somewhere, even if I'm not certain where that somewhere may be.