Therapist treating me like crap again--shocking, no?

Him and I like to play the power game. I know showing him my pictures means that I can have special treatment (or like to THINK), so maybe I'm using it as a tactic to control/maneuver him. Maybe he's doing the same? I think it could be a rather large component.

This is why I feel bad, because sometimes I'm not exactly innocent either. Can you guys see why this might be just a tad bit confusing? I'm not sure who is coming onto who, because I'm doing it too, I have to admit.

I know others have said this but just to reiterate -- it doesn't matter if you go in to therapy stark naked and offer yourself up to him.

He is ethically bound to tell you to just put your clothes back on and stay the heck away from initiating anything remotely resembling sexual innuendo, let alone contact.

If he realizes that he can't do that, he is ethically bound to tell you that you should find another therapist.

Whatever you think about your innocence or whether you're coming on to him is completely irrelevant to this.

This is really one of those black and white cases.

I don't know if this comes across but I'm not judging you -- I understand all too well how much those who've experienced certain kinds of abuse ending up blaming themselves for it.

Please take care.

But you don't have any power, because he still doesn't give you special treatment, you are simply hoping for it, and that's what he's relying on. As sad as it is, he doesn't think you're special or care about you, and he sees you as a person who he can exploit for his sexual kicks. Nothing more.
But you are so much more than that. Your intelligence shines through in your posts and I am absolutely certain that with the right therapist you will make great strides and really start to heal. I wish you luck.

I know when I was in a difficult and harmful therapy situation, and posted in another forum seeking support, the worst replies were those that were scolding and judgmental. It compounded the distress and the shame.

The helpful replies were those that aimed accountability at my therapist, but also at the system. That sort of perspective brought my experience out of isolation, and away from a game of assigning blame to either me or my therapist.

The other thing that troubles me is that people will urge the OP to immediately find another therapist. I would counter that by saying this could make things worse. A person abused in therapy is not necessarily going to get fair treatment by the system that brought about that abuse. If you want to feel salt in your emotional wounds, try sitting before a therapist and recounting harmful prior therapy, and then having that new therapist subtly invalidate your story.

Also, it's pretty easy to see that the OP is not responding positively to all the scolding replies. So people, presumably, are doing it to make themselves feel better or are projecting their own covert shame or rage. You might also scan the thread and see if you can find the one post thanked by the OP.

In addition to TELL, which EM suggested (they helped me a lot) there's some reading about sexual exploitation in therapy. What you describe feels like phone sex without the phone.

A TELL responder said the same thing posted here. It doesn't matter if the client strips and sits on the therapist's lap. It's the therapist's job to put a stop to it and resume to the business of therapy.

The responder recommended Susan Penfold's book even though I had a different issue. Penfold writes the exploitation happens before the actual affair.
TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line

It's also ashamed to shame.

I don't find the therapy-skeptical posts "unfortunate" at all, nor do I find them beating a drum. It took far more courage for me to extract myself from a therapist's indoctrination than anything I did in therapy--and I went through 3x weekly hard core psychoanalysis. I find the therapy-skeptical posts the most thoughtful, helpful posts on the board, particularly since the profession seems unable to ask some of these questions themselves. (Many professional responses to my blog sound like retaliatory 5-year-olds.)

What rankles one person well can help someone else.

If you don't mind me asking, what is the title of the book?

Susan Penfold: Sexual Abuse by Health Practitioners; a Personal Search for Meaning and Healing.

There are other books as well on TELL's list, but this is the only one I read about this particular exploitation.
TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line

The first book on the subject recommended to me was Ellen Plasil's Therapist, about a horrific abuse and recovery.

There are no "scolding" replies, but rather replies that are coming from a place of genuine concern and a wish to help the OP break away from an abusive situation. I can understand why winenot would interpret them as scolding; it must be hard for her to hear these things when in the emotional state she is in at the moment. But does that mean we should refrain from trying to help? Does she simply want everyone here to support this very non-therapeutic, even blatantly destructive relationship she has with her therapist? Are we expected to read about this sort of abuse and then not care about it?

I'm sorry, winenot, but we do care. We want you to be healthy and happy because that's what you deserve, and it upsets us to see you in such a dangerous situation. We are here for you, even if it is with "tough love" and harsh criticism of your therapist. Please get out of this "therapy" relationship before it's too late.

Thanks for that book. I looked it up and might order it

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I guess it depends how one defines support. For me it mostly means nonjudgmental listening and empathizing. Giving advice, in my opinion, rarely helps and often hurts. What I have seen here and elsewhere -- in therapy for sure -- is that a person in distress is automatically assumed to be lacking in awareness and insight. And so others will furnish the "missing" insight. But it's a logical fallacy. People don't necessarily suffer because they are unaware.

I read WN's posts as indicating sufficient awareness to see what is playing out, and yet she struggles still, because of contradictory and confusing impulses.

Since becoming ill and depressed, I have been barraged with unsolicited advice and spiritual lessons. Sometimes it is well meaning, other times the giver is just too invested for it to be healthy and it crosses a line. It is so pervasive that it can be hard to escape, like a plague of locusts. Seems our whole culture is awash in coaching and advising and therapizing. I blame that tyrant Dr Phil.

Free advice: where you always get your money's worth!

Does he just look at pics it asks to borrow them? Does he have access to pics online? I would worry that he might do something with these pics. Like post somewhere. Or sell. Hope not

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Maybe some believe she lacks insight and awareness, I don't know. However, I perceive most of the responses here to simply be reinforcements of what winenot is already aware of. In my opinion, that constitutes support. If you don't see it that way, fair enough, but that doesn't mean that other people's intention is to lecture winenot or in any way imply that she is unaware of the very problematic situation she finds herself in. We know she's aware, and we are trying to back her up so she can eventually do something about it.

I get the same "advice" and "life lessons" frequently, but I see them as opportunities to educate people, and if it gets to a frustrating level and becomes irritating I either tell them to shut up or simply avoid the bothersome person. There are always going to be annoying people, and people who are ignorant, we can't change that, unfortunately. All we can control is how we respond to it. If winenot doesn't want the support we are offering her, she does not have to accept it. She has every right to just ignore us, and carry on with what she is doing.

I've had the same situation before, and it sucks. Usually when someone goes to therapy, they oftentimes feel like they don't have a friend in the world, and when a therapist mistreats you, it makes it a thousand times worse. I am sorry you're going through this, and I recommend finding a new therapist.

I post on a website that caters to posting pin up/nudes. To me, it's just a fun hobby; I enjoy photography and that aesthetic a lot. So basically in session he asks to see if I have anything new on there, and when and if I do, I just hand him my phone and let him have a look, for as long as he wants. I'm certain he remembers my username on the site, so I'm not sure why he can't just check my profile out in the privacy of his own home, without asking me in person to see them? I mean, essentially, it's public domain.

So no, I'm not exactly worried about having them posted somewhere, seeing as I am posting them myself already.


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If he is married or in a relationship he might not want to do it in privacy of his home. It might be safer to see on your phone. Or he might enjoy your reaction to it. Gives him power. I can't believe he is allowed to practice. Sad story all together

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Honestly? He probably wants to see if you'll comply. He's such a dirty old man. I get being trapped in this abusive situation and I really feel for you. Know that you are not to blame in any way. He owns his actions. I hope you can get some other help with this.

He only looks when she shows him in session. Otherwise it wouldnt be therapy

It may be a slippery slope! But it doesnt mean its not therapy.

If it's not therapeutic then it's not therapy, and there is absolutely zero therapeutic value to this. This is exploitation, and certainly not therapy.

I suspect he just likes seeing your reaction. (There's nothing to say he isn't also looking at them at home/in the office, too.)

He asks if there is something new. If I told my t I am posting naked pics of myself I doubt she started asking every time to see new ones. I doubt shed ask to see them at all.

Also he suggested she takes new pics in new poses. How is that therapy???? Plus who knows if he isn't looking on his own too etc

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I could be wrong, but I'm fairly sure that his thinking is that I've had a lot of low self esteem in the past and have felt weird about my body. I think he thinks that he's helping me to become more liberated and comfortable...which, I am. I mean, it's not all negative. He doesn't even really seem to blink an eye when I show him any of the pictures/stuff anyway. Like it's normal, and he's seen it every day. He doesn't seem to give me any lascivious glances or anything. It's actually quite odd. He will give me suggestions on poses to take or will tell me that I look good, but to me, it doesn't seem that convincing or that he's deriving MUCH pleasure from any of this. As in, he could be way more vocal or encouraging than he is. But that could just be me not feeling validated enough, and I recognize that.

my T started the whole sex thing by saying he wanted to help me feel better self-esteem, feel comfortable with my body, etc. this thread is super disturbing but the only disturbing thing is your therapist, not you winenot. i get the sense you dont wanna hear it though which is fine, really... it is. i think i might excuse myself from this thread from now on. i hope for your safety and others as well.

If he was a therapist he would know that this is not a way to increase someone's self esteem. Do you feel your self esteem increasing? Your previous posts suggest his actions seem creepy to you, not empowering.
And how would suggesting poses increase self esteem? It seems to be all about his desires.