Oooh! I like the t in the clip! One, he gives a very good example of transference and working with it, and two, bonus, he thinks "mentalization" is a crap concept, as do i. Like dude, its just another word for thinking, duh.
(Effectiveness of Transference Focused Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder)
He spoke a lot, but I'm not sure he said anything at all. I can imagine therapy with him would involve extended monologues like this, with the client clenching their bowel in agony as the hour ticked by.
He spoke a lot, but I'm not sure he said anything at all. I can imagine therapy with him would involve extended monologues like this, with the client clenching their bowel in agony as the hour ticked by.
He spoke a lot, but I'm not sure he said anything at all. I can imagine therapy with him would involve extended monologues like this, with the client clenching their bowel in agony as the hour ticked by.
Jajaja. I don't know about bowel-clenching. I felt bored, vaguely comforted, mildly condescended to. Sort of like the way you imagine a dog would feel having to listen to dinnertime conversation.
__________________
"Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters; united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of their marvels." - Francisco de Goya
I'm sorry. That wasn't very polite. I haven't really kept up with the thread, just saw BF's post and thought it was funny.
I'll bow out now. Once again, my apologies. Wishing the OP the best.
__________________
"Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters; united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of their marvels." - Francisco de Goya
He spoke a lot, but I'm not sure he said anything at all. I can imagine therapy with him would involve extended monologues like this, with the client clenching their bowel in agony as the hour ticked by.
I literally got through like 45 seconds of this. I hope this guy doesn't have clients lie on a couch or it's all over.
Okay I don't know that guy personally. I only posted that video as an example because, to me, it seemed that he talked about methods that may have been used in my therapy. I thought he did a nice job explaining some of it. I wasn't trying to make a spectacle of anything.
It was a fine video that explained why he thought you have to actually experience emotions in the therapy session, not just talk about them. Seems like a reasonable way to go about it, although it's not for everyone and some of us do become so overwhelmed by emotions that we shut down or shut out.
Sent from my mobile device using Tapatalk.
__________________
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers which can't be questioned." --Richard Feynman
Sorry I was not trying to make light of anything. I was somewhat disturbed by the video, and was responding accordingly. Some good factual info, but I sense in him one who is dangerously lost in theory and abstraction. Could be wrong...
I am sorry I was laughing about bowel clinching.. when I am very tired I find everything funny ( even stuff that isn't funny under normal circumstances), I work too much. I shouldn't read on here when that tired.
I was referring specifically to the idea that a T has the ability to transform a client's fundamental sense of self. That would seem to border on magical powers. And i dont see how even the most advanced training equips one to do such a thing.
I know this comment is from a while back but I wanted to respond. I did not mean WN's or anyone else's T has the ability to actually transform someone's self esteem - no one can do that for another person no matter what their training. It is possible, however, to help someone learn to value themselves for their many positive attributes- especially someone who may think their only strength is in their attractiveness. It's not rocket science- he could have said "I don't doubt they are very attractive but it would be inappropriate/unprofessional for me to look at these pictures. Plus I think there is a lot more to you and as a therapist Id prefer to focus on those things" or something to that effect. Honestly to not do either is probablu due to one of two things - he is dumb or he wanted an excuse to look at the pictures (I think it's the latter). transference is part of the picture here no doubt and even as a CBT T he could still go there, especially where he doesn't seem to practice much cbt. Few people are trained in transference on a deep level, regardless of whether they have a masters or a PhD or an MD. You need to be trained in psychoanalysis and that is a specialty training after you've been licensed in whatever you practice.
Anyway, my point is that he could easily have used this as an opportunity to model respectful platonic male/female relationships (especially if there are father issues involved) and that Winenot is about more than just being sexy.
I agree with Laulisa. There is more to a person than body. If he wanted op to feel proud of herself he could ask to see scarf she knitted, drawing she drew or a photo of a meal she cooked. Something the person accomplished however small. Then he could give positive regards. Instead he chooses this every session.
Just checking in because it’s been awhile. I used to be Winenot3 and then signed up for another account/name, and then had my one post deleted by request because I was feeling very attacked, depressed, and hopeless. Most of the time I used this site to vent…
Anyway, I got fired from my job in March 2016. My last session with my T was somewhere on that date. He said I could still text him. Well remember, the nude picture thing? I sent him a picture around midnight and he asked if I had any more. So I sent quite a bit and he gave me compliments here and there. I remember asking if I could send could more, if I was reaching my limit, but he said no, send as many as you like. So I did. Until I got caught.
My texting got out of hand once I stopped seeing him in March. My grandfather died in May, and after getting fired in a wicked way, and losing my T, albeit how dysfunctional, I felt that I still needed him and kept trying to text him as he said I could. Eventually he dropped off the map. I thought he was dead. I even tried to reach him on Facebook.
Eventually, much to my surprise, one day in August, his girlfriend (who is 36 to my 31; he is 71), showed up at my door. She caught me in my bathrobe looking like ****, me, completely shocked. We stood at the door talking and she told me who she was and I said I knew about her and that apparently I’ve been a sore spot in their relationship for years. And that she's been stalking me online for years, just like I've been stalking her. She said this isn’t the first time he’s cheated on her, but it wasn’t with a patient. I asked if she was a patient, because she certainly sounded like one, rehearsing things he’s said to me, word for word. But she wears she met him at some band show. She was also recording our session. I was dumb and eventually invited her inside. She wanted to know if I was sleeping with him, or if I at least gave him a blow ***. I said no, because I always afraid he’d yell at me if I made a move. So I never did. Could have, but didn’t. She even “accidentally” showed me a picture of her giving him a blow ***. Like I really wanted to see that?
So she asked me if we could confront him later that night after his last session. She said she felt like he was leading me on and that she and I both could use an apology. They basically spent the whole time arguing about their relationship, and him being pissed at her for violating HIPAA and all that. Eventually, at least in front her of her, he was saying that they’re “on an even score now.” She even asked him if he wanted to do things with her that some of the explicit stuff we described in text, if there was something she wasn’t doing. He said no. He eventually apologized to both of us, but it has half-assed. He was treating us like little girls, like children. Eventually she realized she wasn’t going to get the response she wanted from him, because he was so ****ing mad. She even said, “you’re just mad because you got caught.” And it’s true. He apologized for the humiliating situation once we got alone for a minute, after she left.
I asked him if he was really rejecting me, but he said no, because he’s in a relationship right now, and that’s what he wants. He said it has nothing to do with me being unattractive, or unappealing, or dumb, but that he met her first. She said she doesn’t want to break up with him anytime soon, even though I asked them if they wanted an open relationship. They didn’t. Anyway, I asked if he could eventually meet up with me in two years, and he said he didn’t even know if he could be living in Delaware in two years. But he did make it a point to say he was flattered, like he always has been, and would consider me if he didn’t have his girlfriend and his career. So I said okay, but have been still been texting him…even though this happened in August. I told my friend Sarah who was also a client, and she was shocked but not surprised. I do miss him, and have went to visit him three times at his office, and he shoed me away, saying we’d “talk later.” I even left countless voicemails and texts. Nothing. He’s just done. I know it has to be done, given our situation. But I think about him a lot still. He even blocked me on Facebook!
My current therapist (the new one) took me outside a few days ago while I had cigarettes. It was so weird walking around him as a human. But it was cool. I’ve been in a wall in therapy, and it was just the right thing. My old T scoffed when I asked him before and said something like, “out of the question.”
I don’t know. Just trying to continually process what happened. Doesn’t help that their offices are around the block. I feel bad about old T. I mean, his girlfriend could have punched me in the face (and she was planning on it), but she didn’t. We even related in some ways (I guess duh, we both have feelings for him for some similar reasons). She but sounds way more nuts to me, hate to say it. He called me borderline and apparently she is borderline, so I asked him at the end, “If you’re grilling me for being borderline so much, why her? What’s the difference between one borderline and another?” And he said, “none of your business.”
I guess I’ll wait the two years, or just forget about him. New therapy helps but is definitely not replacement for old T by any means. I’ve started bipolar medication and it’s been helping me not feel so emotional about him. But I still think of him an awful lot. I just don’t get as down and my moods are much more stable (even though I’m still texting him; gotta stop that!)
Thought I wrote something else, but it didn't get through. Just something how I'm on adderall and how it's actually helping me not text old T. I'm feeling pretty good right now. Woke up early and everything!
It sounds like his girlfriend has a need to be humiliated. You want to have a relationship with this guy? I don't mean this in a judgmental way, but do you realize that this sounds like an episode of Jerry Springer?
If not you, I hope someone reports this T so that he gets barred from practice.
I'm sorry for the losses in your life. They definitely are stresses in themselves.
I'm sure a part of you realizes none of the events you describe are therapy. Both this therapist and the girlfriend sound far out of control and have pulled you into their maelstrom. Her appearance at your door in itself is a huge confidentiality violation. (Thank goodness no one was hurt.) There are red flags all over the field.
In my opinion this guy has played a multi-dimensional psych game with you. From other stuff you said, he goes back and forth between the white coat doctor/authority, your judge and disciplinarian and your boyfriend (albeit an unconsummated one.)
I've wasted much of my life as fan to various regular life rock stars. They thrive on the attention and tend to give me just enough encouragement to keep me dangling. The only way to break out of the cult is to realize that not even rock stars are rock stars. The paradigm shift is pretty head-splitting, but overall life is better for the wisdom.
Just checking in because it’s been awhile. I used to be Winenot3 and then signed up for another account/name, and then had my one post deleted by request because I was feeling very attacked, depressed, and hopeless. Most of the time I used this site to vent…
Anyway, I got fired from my job in March 2016. My last session with my T was somewhere on that date. He said I could still text him. Well remember, the nude picture thing? I sent him a picture around midnight and he asked if I had any more. So I sent quite a bit and he gave me compliments here and there. I remember asking if I could send could more, if I was reaching my limit, but he said no, send as many as you like. So I did. Until I got caught.
My texting got out of hand once I stopped seeing him in March. My grandfather died in May, and after getting fired in a wicked way, and losing my T, albeit how dysfunctional, I felt that I still needed him and kept trying to text him as he said I could. Eventually he dropped off the map. I thought he was dead. I even tried to reach him on Facebook.
Eventually, much to my surprise, one day in August, his girlfriend (who is 36 to my 31; he is 71), showed up at my door. She caught me in my bathrobe looking like ****, me, completely shocked. We stood at the door talking and she told me who she was and I said I knew about her and that apparently I’ve been a sore spot in their relationship for years. And that she's been stalking me online for years, just like I've been stalking her. She said this isn’t the first time he’s cheated on her, but it wasn’t with a patient. I asked if she was a patient, because she certainly sounded like one, rehearsing things he’s said to me, word for word. But she wears she met him at some band show. She was also recording our session. I was dumb and eventually invited her inside. She wanted to know if I was sleeping with him, or if I at least gave him a blow ***. I said no, because I always afraid he’d yell at me if I made a move. So I never did. Could have, but didn’t. She even “accidentally” showed me a picture of her giving him a blow ***. Like I really wanted to see that?
So she asked me if we could confront him later that night after his last session. She said she felt like he was leading me on and that she and I both could use an apology. They basically spent the whole time arguing about their relationship, and him being pissed at her for violating HIPAA and all that. Eventually, at least in front her of her, he was saying that they’re “on an even score now.” She even asked him if he wanted to do things with her that some of the explicit stuff we described in text, if there was something she wasn’t doing. He said no. He eventually apologized to both of us, but it has half-assed. He was treating us like little girls, like children. Eventually she realized she wasn’t going to get the response she wanted from him, because he was so ****ing mad. She even said, “you’re just mad because you got caught.” And it’s true. He apologized for the humiliating situation once we got alone for a minute, after she left.
I asked him if he was really rejecting me, but he said no, because he’s in a relationship right now, and that’s what he wants. He said it has nothing to do with me being unattractive, or unappealing, or dumb, but that he met her first. She said she doesn’t want to break up with him anytime soon, even though I asked them if they wanted an open relationship. They didn’t. Anyway, I asked if he could eventually meet up with me in two years, and he said he didn’t even know if he could be living in Delaware in two years. But he did make it a point to say he was flattered, like he always has been, and would consider me if he didn’t have his girlfriend and his career. So I said okay, but have been still been texting him…even though this happened in August. I told my friend Sarah who was also a client, and she was shocked but not surprised. I do miss him, and have went to visit him three times at his office, and he shoed me away, saying we’d “talk later.” I even left countless voicemails and texts. Nothing. He’s just done. I know it has to be done, given our situation. But I think about him a lot still. He even blocked me on Facebook!
My current therapist (the new one) took me outside a few days ago while I had cigarettes. It was so weird walking around him as a human. But it was cool. I’ve been in a wall in therapy, and it was just the right thing. My old T scoffed when I asked him before and said something like, “out of the question.”
I don’t know. Just trying to continually process what happened. Doesn’t help that their offices are around the block. I feel bad about old T. I mean, his girlfriend could have punched me in the face (and she was planning on it), but she didn’t. We even related in some ways (I guess duh, we both have feelings for him for some similar reasons). She but sounds way more nuts to me, hate to say it. He called me borderline and apparently she is borderline, so I asked him at the end, “If you’re grilling me for being borderline so much, why her? What’s the difference between one borderline and another?” And he said, “none of your business.”
I guess I’ll wait the two years, or just forget about him. New therapy helps but is definitely not replacement for old T by any means. I’ve started bipolar medication and it’s been helping me not feel so emotional about him. But I still think of him an awful lot. I just don’t get as down and my moods are much more stable (even though I’m still texting him; gotta stop that!)
Jesus, I was high and running on no sleep and hardly have memories of typing this that night. I woke up and my laptop was on my floor and couldn't remember why. I even used my friend's real name. *slaps face*
I know all of this sounds so bad and it is. I do think I'm getting better. Seeing a guy actually for the first time in years, but he just wants friends with benefits. But this guy is helping me get over feelings for old T. I'm on disability and can't seem to get over how I got fired. I was treated like a criminal. Living at my mother's house at 31 is no picnic.
His girlfriend does like the drama, just like apparently I do. To quote a lame Taylor Swift song, "I don't love the drama, it loves me." Really, the most traumatizing thing about T was seeing that picture of a blowjob she was performing on him. It destroyed me. Who knew old dudes could still perform, lol.
Sometimes I can't believe any of this happened and it seems like I made it up. I didn't. Have a recording of our whole meeting with his girlfriend at the office, so I know it's real obviously. My new T actually listened to it and he said it helped him gather some major perspective about what's going on with me. He says I'm improving. At least I'm not going by old T's office anymore. I'm just pissed he blocked me on Facebook, but I'm sure it was his girlfriend's idea. I'm not dangerous at all. But it's not like I'd show up at their house like she showed up at mine. Anyway. This post is disjointed. I'm feeling better but kinda off. Sorry 😐
I also read a bit about cults, indoctrination and control.
My first book was Ellen Plaisil's book THERAPIST. It was about a therapist who abused clients sexually and financially, how the author finally realized it and extracted herself.
It sounds like you 'hit bottom'. Things can only go uphill from here, right?
Glad you are getting better, that you have a new T to help you and that things are looking up for you.
Stay in that direction, you'll get there. One day you'll look back and view yourself as a stranger to yourself. You'll think--who was that person?? It will be good.
It sounds like you 'hit bottom'. Things can only go uphill from here, right?
Glad you are getting better, that you have a new T to help you and that things are looking up for you.
Stay in that direction, you'll get there. One day you'll look back and view yourself as a stranger to yourself. You'll think--who was that person?? It will be good.
Yes, I definitely hit rock bottom. Never thought I would. The only way out is through, right? Maybe in two years I won't even care about his old ***. I don't want to sit around waiting for him. I know the fact that I want a relationship with him is psychotic in itself. I think the girlfriend, me, and T are all ****ed up. Nice to see they weren't the "perfect couple" and it shattered my image of him. I think I had to see it and go through it to get past this hurdle. It came to a head, it was only a matter of time. I've sent him like 50 texts in the past year, all unanswered since the incident. He wants to distance himself from me so I suppose I'll do the same. What else can I even do at this point??
Apr 23, 2016, 04:56 PM
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.
Linear Mode
