Therapist treating me like crap again--shocking, no?

I can see some thereuputic value in his asking.

Aside from attempting to raise my self-esteem through praise, what value is there?

Yes, that does explain where you are coming from a bit more, but i just don't see what you did with your T is even in the same realm of Winenot and her T.
i can't imagine ever having nude photos of me (hahahahahaha), and i can't EVER imagine showing them to my T. Maybe if i had crazy body issues or body dysmorphia...but even then, i don't know..
yes, and to suggest different poses...

Lefty!!! And I was gonna show it to you next!

My previous response did not post. Do you not find value in his trying to raise yourself esteem? He has not abandoned you..he has been there no matter what. When I read between the lines of what you initially post then clarify, backtrack or get angry with.

My therapist did help raise my self esteem for me. When she was holding me, and I had ET for her, she did not physically push me away at that moment or at any other time before termination. Things stayed the same. And I know, many here on PC definitely disagreed with how she went about doing therapy with me. "No boundaries! Unethical! Diploma mill therapist!..." I was even told my therapy,and now our friendship would go South, and I will soon be reporting her to the licensing board.

This therapist may be the wrong therapist for you, only you can decide, and what is in your best interest; to leave or stay. I am not arguing for or against you. I wish you clarity in going forward. My opinions only.

Curious: Is your roommate still his client?

I understand that it is hard to break away from destructive patterns, winenot, and I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time right now. The thing to keep in mind, though, is that therapy is a place where you can go to work on those self-destructive tendencies.

To use myself as an example: I self-sabotage. I repeatedly set myself up for failure, because deep down I believe I am supposed to fail. This wasn't something I was even aware that I was doing until my therapist pointed it out to me, and I still haven't managed to change it, but therapy provides me with a safe space to deal with it. My therapist does not offer me an opportunity to continue my unhealthy behaviours, nor does she encourage it in any way. She is there to do the opposite of that, and she does, whereas to me it sounds like yours actually somewhat encourages your negative relationship patterns with men. Your therapist should be helping you work through these things, not be yet another addition to it.

It isn't easy to break away from destructive behaviours, but awareness is step one. You seem to have that, which is in itself a victory, and you should be proud for having come that far. But the rest of the battle still remains, and your current therapist is not your ally. No one here is judging you. We judge your therapist because what he is doing sounds very wrong.

I may not have walked in your shoes, but but I know what self-destruct is like, because I've been doing it myself for as long as I can remember. You're not alone there. And it is hard to take action and change it on your own, which is why you need someone to help you with it. I wish you would start by finding a therapist who is going to help you move forward instead of holding you back or possibly even making things worse for you.

Or maybe therapy is part of the problem. It's at least worth considering. Seems the answer is always "more therapy", even if someone has just been traumatized, abandoned, betrayed, etc. My last T, after crushing me like an insect, was adamant I must start with a new T immediately. Do not delay! Call now! Therapists are standing by!

The "therapy" she is in now certainly seems to be. But that doesn't mean it isn't worth trying to find a good therapist. Because they do exist. I am currently seeing two of them.

This!!! OP's T is just reinforcing the unhealthy relationship pattern with men rather than helping her understand why that pattern is there and, ideally, breaking it. And making her sexuality (and his attraction to her) a big part of the relationship. And it seems very different from Unaluna's experience with sharing the photo, which doesn't sound like it was a sexually charged experience.

I haven't shared any nude photos with anyone, but the following is somewhat relevant, I think. Even times when sex and sexual desires have come up in marriage counseling, I've felt weird talking about it and had trouble looking at MC when discussing it (I've found a good spot on the floor to look at instead). I feel like there's a connection between he and I, like we really get each other, maybe with some paternal stuff there, maybe even a hint of a different type of chemistry. But the thought of actually showing him a nude photo of me is just like on some other level. The thought of him asking is just...inconceivable. And, really, if he ever said that he'd "F*** me nasty," I'd probably just start laughing because it would seem so absurd. Part of it is his personality (he's kind of a dork), but a big part is his ethics. And that's what makes me feel safe talking about things like my transference with him.

I feel like that's what OP's T is missing--the ethical side of things, where he's thinking about how what he does could affect his client, how he wouldn't want to potentially cause her any harm, if he could avoid it. And how he certainly wouldn't want to do that for his own self-gratification or feelings of power.

I'll shut up now

I feel the need to jump in here in defense of the nude, because the nude is not the issue. Taking sexy photos can be fun. Eight years and eighty pounds ago, I took my fair share of grainy sexting fodder. My favorite featured a line of blow on my bum.

And you know what? I can TOTALLY see my seventeen year-old self willingly sharing this with a therapist. The way I'd have seen it--here's me showing off my 'wild' side. What could be more fabulously teenage wasteland than my drug-encrusted bum with a collection of Debate trophies in the background? Come on, T, don't be a prude. Don't make it weird. I'm not coming on to you, for God's sake, I'm showing you an aspect of myself that I don't trust other adults to see. This is part of who I am, and I want to share it with you.

And there's nothing wrong with that. Not from my end.

But from my T's end? Let's just say he'd cut off his own fingers and use the bloody stumps to claw out his eyes before he'd look at that. Because it's just not appropriate.

I can almost hear my teenage self scoffing. She probably would have talked about "The Philistine ethics of a repressed puritanical Western society." Because she'd just discovered adjectives and fancied herself oh-so-liberated.

And there's nothing wrong with that, either. Because therapy is supposed to be a safe space where you can talk about your sexuality, where you can flirt with risque ideas. A good T would have given her the space to do that, would have made sure she felt safe and comfortable and validated.

And he could have done all of that without looking at the damned picture.

No shame that's in anyone's game to share with their therapist >18 year old legal nude pics or a 60 year old's nude pics, even if they are a svelte 110lbs or 259lbs.
I'm sure if I or anyone else did this exhibit, we would be shamed in so many ways, especially if I shared with it with my therapist...it must be a cultural "thang."

i don't expect this post to stay long.

Quote by Lolagrace: "I'll be interested to hear what others experienced or think their therapist might do in response to a similar scenario."

I'm pretty positive that my last therapist would not have an issue with nude pictures, male or female clients, and would have no need for self-flagellatation. She could keep her therapeutic professional stance. Nothing fazes her when it comes to clients. "

I'm going to send an email to her, a previous therapist, and my standby therapist, and see what their reaction would be if nude photos/painting were a part of a clients life, and brought them in for show and tell. One ex-therapist is a male, and I saw him at an international botany conference this past fall pushing plants for psych meds, another was a part of the 60's movement, custom leather bikini and all. I will post my responses if they get back to me. One, I need to get his permission to post.

I hope a few others will put your question to their therapist, and post as opposed to assuming what they would say.

Also, I hope people will go on line, and take a look at Nona Faustine's photo exhibit. My previous post and the link may get deleted, since it involve nudity.

My previous post, "No shame that's in anyone's game to share with their therapist >18 year old legal nude pics or a 60 year old's nude pics, even if they are a svelte 110lbs or 259lbs.
I'm sure if I or anyone else did this exhibit (deleted by me, poster) we would be shamed in so many ways, especially if I shared with it with my therapist...it must be a cultural "thang.""

To me, it isn't about the nudity, it is about my inner warning bells going off regarding the predatory nature of this particular T. Maybe I am wrong, I am not there, I am working off of filtered information. Maybe it is my own **** getting in the way. Regardless, I believe that it is important to listen to the inner voice that detects creepiness and discomfort. I have seen that expressed by the OP.

My T would likely use the opportunity to very kindly explain how therapy is a safe space and how I do not need to sexually perform to win his favor. I am sure there would be talk of relational patterns. Although in my case this would come up because I grew up with a mother who behaves/believes thar sexuality is the best method for bonding with men. I have told T that I assume this has affected my behavior in some ways and that I would appreciate him helping me identify and correct any self-objectifying behaviors.

I don't mind nudity as an art form. Doesn't bother me. Same with nudity in acting. I find the human body beautiful. Yet I would never ever take a nude photo of myself. Just saying.

But showing nude photos to a T who is already inappropriate (i.e. "f you nasty")... That is not simply enjoying art. And I think the OP knows this since she was looking to gain some kind of control by showing the pics.

I think the issue is that t knows op is sexually attracted to him and letting him to see her naked might play role in all this. In my opinion it is different than showing pics due to body issues or doing it as art project etc

I also don't believe that our self esteem depends on how we look or on men finding us sexy and validating us. If he wanted you to feel good about yourself he could say you don't need to show me provocative naked pics of yourself and your value doesn't depend on how you look naked and on anyone's approval. If this t was decent he would try to convey that there is more to woman's value than sex and her body.

The guy is out of line with the whole thing

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Yes, I agree that the worst part here is that he's known for almost three years that I've always had a thing for him. Last year I tried to quit and asked to be his friend, instead of his client. Didn't work. None of my efforts worked. I took a break for like six months, re-framed myself, and went back. I'm admittedly getting validation (and quite after the fact) from him now, but am realizing more and more that it wasn't all (or exactly) what I initially wanted. My romantic feelings are taking a back seat for the sexualized side of things, at least on his end. It's less sensitivity, and more aggression. That part makes me sad. It's all I get. And I still have to pay a pretty penny to get it. I feel like the most pathetic person on the planet.

You are not pathetic at all. He is pathetic. I hope you are able to listen to your instincts winenot.

WN, it's the therapist's responsibility to recognize and put a stop to a destructive cycle. He's abandoned his post, based on what you write us. It's not fair, but you're left to take charge and end it.

I felt this when I left destructive therapy. My therapists behaved like possessive, vindictive children and were incapable of breaking the cycle even when I pointed it out. I had to take charge, leaving my therapists in my wake, insulting me all the way. And this was atop the problems for which I entered therapy which were never addressed.

It's a painful role reversal. But it's your life. I found much value in taking charge. My unwinding has been long and painful. Walking in my therapists' door was one of the most unfortunate things I ever did, leaving the wisest. Had I not left, I might have collected their insults into the sunset. I doubt they ever would have ended it. They added nothing to my life.

You are not pathetic and I am sorry that this is so painful to you. What I wish for you is that you had a therapist that you could talk to about how you feel about this. He should know the effect this is having on you and you should be able to reveal it. Would it be helpful to you to either attempt to talk to him or consult with another therapist just for the purpose of being able to talk about the feelings this has engaged for you?

I can see a parent having that responsibility and that power, but seems strange to expect a hired professional to bestow such a thing. Wouldn't that be overreaching a bit? I cant imagine what in a T's training would qualify them for this.

Especially considering mine is only master's level. I'm pretty certain that they didn't really go over a lot of this in his training. A couple years ago I had showed him a list of quotes from In Session by Deborah Lott; he seemed extremely interested and said he was going to share it with colleagues. A therapist already properly trained in transference might have had a different reaction. Also, I think it's his orientation, too. CBT does not appear to cover much of it. He bases my feelings for him in reality, in the "here and now," which might be his first (of many) errors.

Isnt he just stating the obvious? The whole biz comes out strongly against sexual abuse in therapy, as if they are taking some courageous moral stand. Big deal. How about saying something about root cause, or systemic issues, or a desire to determine the prevalance and do something about it... and about other therapy abuses? Seems like a self serving statement as well as a way to distance himself and other ethical therapists from their pathological brethren.

That sounds more like the program he went to and its philosophy - or the fact that he was a lousy student who skipped class - than the level of his degree.

You don't think a therapist with a doctorate might perhaps be more trained with this stuff? I could have sworn that they undergo a more rigorous curriculum....

They take a few more classes and write a dissertation. My colleagues with master's degrees are just as capable as I am at my job with a PhD.

There has been no difference between the master's level therapists I've seen and the lone PhD. In fact the master's ones have way more of a clue.