Therapist treating me like crap again--shocking, no?

You aren't pathetic. You are very insightful. He is the pathetic one

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Training makes a huge difference. I don't mean degree level.

With the 'evidence-based' therapy movement, many programs don't include training for deep issues (e.g. object relations).

My current t has master's degree and my previous one had Ph.D. But my current is better. I personally don't think I'd be any better at my job if I had Ph.D. versus my masters.

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I was referring specifically to the idea that a T has the ability to transform a client's fundamental sense of self. That would seem to border on magical powers. And i dont see how even the most advanced training equips one to do such a thing.

I agree more needs to be done in terms of professional research and development of prevention strategies. (I would suggest a supervisory body which randomly interviews clients in confidentiality might be a positive step) but that wasn't the point Yalom was making, and frankly I don't see anything wrong with a professional wanting to distance themselves from their unethical counterparts.

Transforming the client's sense of self from unseen to seen, from unaccepted to welcome, from ugly to beautiful - takes time but its doable.

PhD is generally a research degree, so it doesn't necessarily tell you much about a T's clinical training. PsyD is a clinical doctorate, though, so I'd think that, at least theoretically, a PsyD would have more experience and training to work with clients than an MA or PhD.

(Guess I should note, n=1, but my T has a PsyD and I think he's quite good.)

Interesting.

Do photos turn him on sexually or he simply looks at them and dont have any reactions?
And what do you both do after looking at your pics?

I think reporting him is stupid,my Psyc nurse told me he wanted to spank me and made sexual comments to me and has seen naked pics,you offered the naked pics obviously.
There must be a reason you showed him those? And if your ex treats you terribly cut the soul tie,ask him to leave,I know it's very hard but there are people being gangraped and tortured and still moving on in their lives without any help from a therapist.

I don't see how two people having deep,intimate conversations everyday could not become attracted to each other,sexual affirmation whatever,it all seems perfectly normal to me.

If they turn him on, he certainly doesn't let me know. He will look at them and say things like, I look "hot," or compliments the angle of a picture. Occasionally he will ask me questions about things I like (sexually). And we both just keep talking. It's an open dialogue the entire time, and I don't really feel that it has deviated that far. I don't feel that it will escalate much, either. He seems interested, but from a far, far, distance. I don't feel threatened exactly. More like studied. It's hard to explain.

I think it is crossing a line by telling you look "hot." UGH. My T once said that it looked like I lost weight (due to depression), and was looking skinny, and she immediately goes "but not in a bad way!" I don't really know what she would say if I walked in and said I thought I was hideously ugly, but I think she wouldn't counter it with "Well Velcro, you are hot!" I would RUN out of there...

He also tells you what things he like sexually?

It would be okay, everything you said, if you didnt have to pay for this conversations...
I dont see anything therapeutic here, if you were friends or something like that, than okay why not, than I would say its free relationship when both of you can f*** anyone you want etc, its popular tipe of relationship nowadays.

The only question- why the hell you have to pay someone to look at your pictures? Normal man would ask you to date and bought you some drink etc not having fun of looking at pictures and getting paid for it.

Just some questions for you to think over (winenot3) - no need to reply unless you want to.

Do you think what he is doing is ethical? why or why not?

What are you gaining from therapy?

Do you think the way he is acting has any negative impact on you? If so, what is it?

Would you be upset if he did this with all his female clients? Or many others? Why or why not?

Do you think he is getting sexual satisfaction out of this? If he is, how do you feel about this? If he is not, how do you feel about this?

How would you feel if he stopped asking/showing interest in your photos?

He does not tell me explicitly what HE likes sexually. He will make casual suggestions on what photos to take. I think he thinks this just all in good fun while still maintaining some sort of therapeutic relevance (ie my self esteem). I'm not saying I agree with it, just that I'm guessing that is his reasoning for this. I don't have to pay someone to look at my pictures. I can ask any "normal" guy on the street if they want to see my photos (though I wouldn't). I don't offer to show these pictures to him-- he asks me, every single time. He initiates the conversation and steers it from regular topics toward this one.

Why don't you say "no" and not show them to him? You do have that option.

Do you think what he is doing is ethical? why or why not?

I suppose it is not ethical, and for obvious reasons. Nudity has no place in therapy.

What are you gaining from therapy?

I'm gaining from therapy, in that I am talking to someone that I trust, getting a different viewpoint on various life matters. It's gotten off track right now, for sure, but I try my best to keep things therapeutically relevant when we are not discussing my pictures.

Do you think the way he is acting has any negative impact on you? If so, what is it?

There could be some negative aspect, but he seems to be playing this pretty safe, so as not to upset me or give any wrong ideas? I'm sure the emphasis he is placing on my body isn't exactly helpful. But again, maybe he doesn't see it this way.

Would you be upset if he did this with all his female clients? Or many others? Why or why not?

I would be upset. Unfortunately I have a constant need for validation from people, especially him. Knowing that other female clients out there were getting the same treatment would make me furious. We do not have any proof that he is doing that with others. I think most would get creeped out and leave.

Do you think he is getting sexual satisfaction out of this? If he is, how do you feel about this? If he is not, how do you feel about this?

If he is getting sexual satisfaction, then good, I feel flattered. If he isn't, I'd be surprised. I don't think he'd keep asking me if I have any new ones if he weren't getting something. And if he was not getting any sexual satisfaction, I suppose I might be a tad bit offended.

How would you feel if he stopped asking/showing interest in your photos?

I would feel a bit upset there, too. He's gotten us into this habit now, so I suppose him not asking to see them or stopping to show interest altogether might make me feel bad. But I would understand. You can't keep something like this going forever without some sort of resolution (either positive or negative).

So, it's been almost a month since I updated on my progress. I've since broken up with my abusive ex, who my therapist states was "grooming" me for the past year and a half. He said I'd be dumb if I ever went back...which, he's right. It's ridiculous, because in the very same session that he tells me I have no boundaries with men, he still asks to see my nude photos. I've been attempting to "play dumb" for awhile and just give into his demands whenever he asks to see them. I even told him the site is seeming kind of old for me now, and am running out of ideas for pictures. That's when he chimed in and said to take some with me and my vibrator. But like...that's all that is happening. Nothing has moved forward. Neither has made a move. I would kind of like this to progress instead of just playing these ridiculous mind games. I'm just afraid if I finally get up the courage and make a move, he'll tell me to stop, and even get upset, and blame it all on me, like it was MY idea. Or that I was thinking this relationship was something that it wasn't. He's the one getting something out of looking at my pictures. At first, I thought the validation was something, but it's not keeping me satisfied at all. I'm feeling much more desperate and attached to my therapist since kicking my ex out...how can he not know this? Am I supposed to have zero reaction to this? I wish I could understand what goes through his head. I'm willing to jump if he says jump...but I am impatient. It's mean for him to do this to me and keep me hanging on some invisible string.

As most of us have mentioned previously, you need to terminate all contact with this therapist. He is as abusive of you as your ex. I hope you will find the strength and self-respect to terminate with this therapist and file an official complaint against him. Nothing going on in your sessions is appropriate, professional, or ethical.

Even if I left him, I don't think I would ever find the strength to report him. He's old anyway, and probably doesn't even have a lot of career left. Reporting him would just make my life ten times harder than it already is.

Its your therapy. Who are you helping by playing dumb? Youre not helping yourself, and youre not helping him to help you. Its just ineffective manipulation that holds you back. Hes not going to make you stop it. You keep hoping for a payoff from it, but i dont think he is that easily manipulated. Its a mexican standoff!

I understand the difficulty in terminating with this T,since I get what it's like to have this bond/attraction. That said, I've never experienced this kind of behavior so I can't say how I'd act if I was at my most vulnerable. You say you are needy because you ended a relationship with an abuser, so it seems like you're just continuing the pattern with this T. This is abuse on his part, no matter how he tries to spin it. He's abusing his position and using it to manipulate someone who is very vulnerable to just this type of situation. I know you know you should get away from this guy, but I don't know what will be your motivation to do so. I just hope you can realize your self worth and get away from this old pervert. I can't imagine what you are getting out of these sessions since they can't possibly be helpful or even satisfying. I hope you realize soon how much more you are worth.

You don't need to report him if you don't want to but it's absolutely unacceptable what's going on in that "therapy" room. He enjoys watching you having no respect for yourself. What an awful person. Makes me sick.

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I knew a T like this (not personally) it turned out after they were reported that they were a peodophile as many victims came forward when it went public. One was a young client aged 14 and others were from his past. I'll have to find the link.

How do you know he hasn't got a client who's a child or young teenager that he's doing this to also? If he is breaking boundaries with you, then it just won't be you.

A T is paid to help your mind, your body isn't their canvas, it's yours and yours only.

This line jumped out at me: "I'm feeling much more desperate and attached to my therapist since kicking my ex out...how can he not know this?"

He probably *does* know this. And he's enjoying the power and your attachment to him. This just all seems like a game to him. If you're not getting anything out of showing him the pictures, why don't you stop? I don't see how this is productive at all as therapy. If you're having trouble leaving him, then I'd suggest seeing another therapist (maybe a female one?), too, until you get the strength to leave this one. I know that's helped some people on the board get away from therapy that wasn't helping/was harming them.

I find this whole situation to be very troubling. I feel deeply concerned about it, and agree with others who are saying that this isn't therapeutic and that he seems to be playing a game. I think you should stop showing him these pictures, and see how he reacts to that. The next time he asks, just say something like, "I think I am done sharing those with you, can we talk about something else?"

Ultimately, you need to get away from this therapist. He is not just breaking boundaries, he is getting dangerously close to boundary violations.