[MissCharlotte]

I haven't seen T in well over a week, as he has been on vacation.

Luckily I have had a lot to keep me busy, but that does not change the intensity of loss I am experiencing while he is away. Interesting, when he first left, my journal entries were very, sort of, loving. Now they show my anger at him for leaving.

I have done quite a bit of writing this past week. Following are some of the poems I wrote, that wonder about the relationship and what it is. (Note, this is not the angry stuff, i'll save that for another time.)

June 27, 2007

Round Ten

Clenched teeth
Swollen eye
Butterflies

Is it true
That the body
Never lies?

Heavy heart
Ache inside
Want to hide

Sitting here
Must begin
Despite despair

I don’t know
If it’s real or
What’s the deal

You in me
Where am I
Can I be?

6/29/07

Swimming

Pools of sadness inside
Behind my eyes
Unreleased tears welling up
Melancholic

The shadow person
Within me
Is it you?
Or me?

New flowers

6/29/07

Imagination

The conversation unspoken
Yet lively
Like magpies

Only ending
When sleep
Overtakes

6/29/07

Alone

The fear of solitary
Confinement
Smothering

The Healing Room

A polar bear sat gazing
Into the sea
Trying to see his reflection
But there were ice floats
That disrupted his view
From time to time

I love your poems. I'm feeling like a lost soul at the moment. My T is away for 7 weeks. Only one week has passed. Its hard....really hard. Still, not much I can do about it is there>>

[Perna]

Sister, any good dreams about T and your current state? I use to love to write poems about the dreams and daydreams when mine was away.

Thank you so much for sharing those... are you gonna share with T?

[MissCharlotte]

Pinksoil,

I don't know that I am as brave as you are.

At some point I may share, I'll have to think about that!

Thanks.

[MissCharlotte]

Well Perna,

Since you ask,

last night I woke up shortly after I fell asleep and i wrote down the following shred of a dream:

A man and a woman were both standing over a small shopping bag twirling spaghetti on a fork.

**I remember what it looked like and they were each eating the spaghetti and it was all tangled up together, and very long. The spaghetti was in the bag, so they were sharing the same food. They each had their own fork. I saw them from behind.

I have no clue what this means. You guys can interpret for me.

[MissCharlotte]

(((kindergirl)))

So sorry T is away for such a long time. I think I would be beside myself. You can stay here with us and we will help you float through the next 6 weeks.





p.s. don't you write some poetry? It helps.

[SecretGarden]

I love your stuff Sister... Thanks for sharing...

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Perna said:
Sister, any good dreams about T and your current state? I use to love to write poems about the dreams and daydreams when mine was away.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
For really important dreams, I write a haiku to remember each one by. The rules of the haiku help me distill the important part of each dream, the main feeling and image, into one phrase. I love to read back over the haikus.

Sister, thanks for sharing your poems. (((hugs)))

[MissCharlotte]

Sunny,

What a great idea! I struggle with not wanting to get up to write downt the dream before it's forgotten.

This method will make the process fly by faster, so I can get back to sleep.

[sunrise]

Sister, I don't write the haiku immediately after the dream, but after I've had time to process and think about it. I put a lot of care into the haikus and could not do that in the middle of the night when I am sleepy. But if you can, that is great! I don't try too hard to remember my dreams. My philosophy is that if they are important, I will remember them. Sometimes I will write a significant dream down in my journal a day or two after I have it, especially ones that communicate an important message from my unconscious to my conscious mind, or ones that I find initially puzzling and that I need to analyze more.