I've worked with a woman for over 10yrs. I
Most of that time been 'friends' with her. Tried to understand her situation -husband left her with 2 small children and a mortgage - but sometimes that's been hard especially when years ago I popped round her house to help with something when kids are small and her young daughter at the time, showed me a photo of her dad and the woman I work with said "Yeah your fat like him". I tried to magic that away.
Thers been more incidents since then where she martyrs herself, plays the victim, manipulates, is passive aggressive. All this I try to over look because I liked the essence of her.

But last week at work she exploded at me. I can't even look at her now. It's like the last straw broke. I keep trying to think what would T advise. I certainly don't want to be 'hooked' in by her again. I don't like to completely ignore someone, it feels childish, but it's the only way I feel I can protect myself emotionally from her manipulation, moods. I understand moods etc, but I sought help, didn't pity myself.

What would 'you' do in this situation?

I know she had many of my abusive mother's traits, but up until now, I've struggled past that.

[atisketatasket]

I would maintain a cool and distant but professional attitude when I had to deal with her (I assume you must sometimes work together). I would not engage in any personal conversations with her. So yes I'd ignore her as much as I could for my own protection.

[Argonautomobile]

I used to imagine difficult co-workers as literal forces of nature. The natural impulse is to take notice, engage--"Oh my God, guys, are you seeing this?! There's a tiny tornado in the back office and the fax machine is literally spinning around in the air! I gotta get in there and chain it down or something!" Totally natural, normal instinct.

Unfortunately, it also gets you in the middle of the storm. So instead of talking about this bizarre whether phenomena, or rushing in to try and control the chaos it creates, I stop at the door and ask myself, "Do I need the fax machine right now?"

Not, "Is somebody going to need the fax machine?" or "I'd prefer to use the fax machine" or "I want to use the fax machine," But "Do I NEED to use the fax machine right NOW, this very second, in order to do my job?"

If the answer to that is "No," then I don't go in the back office. **** it. Not my problem. Not my job. Not my business. I don't even talk about it, because what on earth does it have to do with me? Nothing. Not until I 100% NEED to send a fax. And with a little planning and a moderate amount of luck, I won't NEED to do that until the storm is over.

Anyway, I hope you find something that works.

I would stay far away from someone like that. I'm afraid "the essence of her" was summed up in that statement she made about her own daughter. You just didn't want to see it. Ignoring her might be hard but if she tries to engage you, make up some excuses in advance why you need to return to your desk or exit.

[AllHeart]

If you need to ignore her for now, have at it and don't label it childish or anything else but 'your need'. It sounds like this woman has too much of a toxic energy that has been affecting you for too long. Since you work with her and do like the essence of her, I'm sure you will eventually find a balance that works without letting her contaminate your energy anymore.

[divine1966]

This woman doesn't sound like a good person to hang out with. You can be polite at work but there is no obligation to be friends outside of work

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