[ilikecats]

Last night I had sex for the first time with a guy I met on Tinder. I feel slutty and ashamed about it. I have plans with another guy on Friday where we'll have sex, and I'm seeing the first guy again on Sunday. I liked it, and I want to do it more. But this makes me feel like I'm bad. I don't know what to do, and I kinda want to talk to my T about it, but I'm ashamed of what I did and that I liked it.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by ilikecats

Last night I had sex for the first time with a guy I met on Tinder. I feel slutty and ashamed about it. I have plans with another guy on Friday where we'll have sex, and I'm seeing the first guy again on Sunday. I liked it, and I want to do it more. But this makes me feel like I'm bad. I don't know what to do, and I kinda want to talk to my T about it, but I'm ashamed of what I did and that I liked it.

Definitely talk to your T about it. I'm sure you'll probably feel awkward about it, but T's are used to discussing those topics. Sex can bring about all kinds of feelings--good and bad, and it helps to discuss them. You can just start out by saying you feel weird/awkward talking about this but want to.

Also, if you're feeling bad about it, maybe reconsider seeing the other guy on Friday? Or else hold off on having sex with him? Since it sounds like you just assume you will. To clarify, this is not me judging you--this is me just trying to make sure that seeing another guy Friday is what you want. And isn't just going to make you feel worse.

When do you see your T? Just wondering if it's before the weekend.

[ilikecats]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Definitely talk to your T about it. I'm sure you'll probably feel awkward about it, but T's are used to discussing those topics. Sex can bring about all kinds of feelings--good and bad, and it helps to discuss them. You can just start out by saying you feel weird/awkward talking about this but want to.

Also, if you're feeling bad about it, maybe reconsider seeing the other guy on Friday? Or else hold off on having sex with him? Since it sounds like you just assume you will. To clarify, this is not me judging you--this is me just trying to make sure that seeing another guy Friday is what you want. And isn't just going to make you feel worse.

When do you see your T? Just wondering if it's before the weekend.

Thanks! I see my T on Friday

[Bipolar Warrior]

Being a 27-year-old virgin (pathetic), I'm really not sure what I can add to this conversation, but I do want to say that you have no reason to be ashamed. You're an adult, and you are in control of your own life and your own body. If you like what you are doing, there is nothing wrong with it. You aren't doing anything criminal! And your therapist isn't going to judge you if she is a decent therapist, and it sounds like she is.

It does seem like something you need to work through, as it sounds like you are carrying around a burden of shame that doesn't belong to you. I think you should talk to your therapist about that.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Be safe. I've heard some weird stories about Tinder.

[Salmon77]

Yes, if you're feeling ashamed about it I definitely think it's something to talk over with your T. And like PinkFlamingo said, be careful with who you're meeting.

. . . and be careful to use protection and get yourself checked out medically down the line. Not a terribly healthy/safe activity if you don't know these men and you are both having multiple partners. Rather risky. Be very, very careful.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Therapy should be a safe place to talk about anything. I have talked about some really embarrassing topics before and my T acted like we were taking about the weather. I think most therapists are used to hearing and talking about sex and they shouldn't judge you.

[Bipolar Warrior]

I agree with what the others are saying: you definitely need to be careful.

[ilikecats]

Thanks everyone! Don't worry, we used protection and I'm being careful. I think I do need to talk to my T about this, I'm just not sure how. I might write her a letter.

[awkwardlyyours]

Not sure if this helps but usually if I think T (or anyone else) is going to judge me, I start off by first saying that I'm feeling terribly vulnerable / ashamed / hesitant to say this etc -- so, kinda prep the ground and then start to talk about whatever it is.

Doesn't always work of course (with some people it flies right by them) but with T, I have noticed that she's usually extra / super gentle when I start off by saying that.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by ilikecats

Thanks everyone! Don't worry, we used protection and I'm being careful. I think I do need to talk to my T about this, I'm just not sure how. I might write her a letter.

I'm not judging you, I don't think this is morally wrong or anything, but it can be risky and it's already making you feel bad about yourself which is sending up warning flags to me. Maybe talking with your T is a good idea.