is this normal?

My sessions are fine. My T is fully attentive.

For some reason, I just feel i am nothing. I am nobody.
I have seen some of the other clients, and think they are probably more important to T than I.
I feel inferior.
i feel extremely great ful for the paid time he spends with me.

it maybe interfering with my therapy as i think that he is too good for me.

i dont deserve him.

Everytime i walk out of my session, i am in awe. i commend his patience, his willingness to work with me. (its not easy)
i also leave feeling insecure...i ask myself..how long will this last? what will make him leave? this is too good to be true.
like after i leave, i also think T must be thinking good riddance. thank God this is over. now time to get ready for the important client.

again . T is great in session. 100% present with me. just my head goes in different places...telling me this is not real.
i know what i think and feel..what about him?

is this insecurity normal?
i have been with this T for a year.

Perhaps many of us have feelings of being unworthy and undeserving. I've been with my T six years and still working on it. So , yes maybe the feelings are " normal " but what we experienced to make us feel that way probably wasn't. Someone told us we weren't likeable / loveable and its trying to re - write the script.

Consider how you'd feel if at some point he isn't fully attentive, patient / willing in exactly the right way? Would you be mad? Would his ideal image come crashing down for you? Would you take it as 'proof' of your unworthiness?

All stuff you could talk about in therapy?

Like you said, you don't know what he thinks and feels and you don't know what is real, so how could you not feel insecure? It's hard to trust someone who is putting on a caring face all the time.

Sounds like negative self talk to me. Sometimes as one goes through therapy and things like this come to the surface, that's the point where it's important to listen to your own self.

Your worry about what T feels/thinks would logically mirror how you might worry about others in your life.

Does this stem from childhood? Then how do you start changing those negative tapes inside of you?

Outside of the office work is important. As you could wait and ruminate creating dependency on your Ts next response. But they aren't Buddha after all. (book reference about this phenomena)

Or delve deeper and ask suggestions for the next step. The new thread on shame is a step in that direction.