[SarahSweden]

I´ve been with my new T for about three months now and the last time I saw her she shared some personal stuff with me. It was about her not being able to become a mother and she shared a few details about that.

She told me this with a connection to some of the problems I see her for and to bring me some perspectives on my own problems. It was nothing about her complaining or wanting me to feel sorry for her and I feel this sharing was completely valid.

But now I don´t now how to follow up on this. The thing she shared was personal and I want to show I care and that I have thought about what she told me. At the same time I don´t want to get too personal and say something like "I feel sorry for you".

I don´t know how she want me to follow up on this and I don´t want to make it a big deal out of it or make her think that I want to pry or anything. And I don´t want to say "I don´t know how to react to what you shared with me" as I´m not that unsure of myself, I dare say something about it. But I don´t know exactly what to say at the moment.

How do you respond to your T sharing personal details? How to not be too private/personal and at the same time not too ignorant or shallow in my comments to what she shared?

[Argonautomobile]

One of the things I like best about therapy is that I can make a social faux pas without really having to experience the same sorts of consequences that I would in the real world. Sometimes I say something stupid or insensitive--we all do. In therapy I can just apologize and move on with life. So I would just say/or do whatever feels natural (whatever that may be) and try not to over-think it.

My T has shared for similar reasons over the years. I find he really isn't looking for any kind of a response from me concerning his life. Rather, he is using his information as a parallel or secondary example to clarify or solidify something we were discussing. I don't think your therapist is expecting any kind of response other than perhaps that you see the connection (or maybe that you don't if that's the case).

[SarahSweden]

Yes, I agree therapy is a place where I can make mistakes and say "wrong" things but when my T shared personal things I don´t want to just say whatever comes to mind but show that I care in some way.

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

One of the things I like best about therapy is that I can make a social faux pas without really having to experience the same sorts of consequences that I would in the real world. Sometimes I say something stupid or insensitive--we all do. In therapy I can just apologize and move on with life. So I would just say/or do whatever feels natural (whatever that may be) and try not to over-think it.

[SarahSweden]

Yes, but I would find it rather odd if I just pretend she didn´t shared those things with me. I don´t mean we should spend our session just talking about her but a normal thing is to show I´ve thought about her and what she said. It would feel strange both caring too much and on the other hand not mentioning it at all. I find it to be a bit hard to know how to react.

Originally Posted by lolagrace

My T has shared for similar reasons over the years. I find he really isn't looking for any kind of a response from me concerning his life. Rather, he is using his information as a parallel or secondary example to clarify or solidify something we were discussing. I don't think your therapist is expecting any kind of response other than perhaps that you see the connection (or maybe that you don't if that's the case).

[lunatic soul]

My current T very often tells me something about himself but its more like sharing experience about something or opinions. Im not interesed mostly but acting like I am. But it helps me to open myself if T sometimes says his thoughts etc. If he started to tell me about his life and it wanst similar ti things we talk about but offtopic about him I would be annoyed. If it was once (maybe it was) then itsokay but if he told about it every session I woudnt like it.

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

Yes, but I would find it rather odd if I just pretend she didn´t shared those things with me. I don´t mean we should spend our session just talking about her but a normal thing is to show I´ve thought about her and what she said. It would feel strange both caring too much and on the other hand not mentioning it at all. I find it to be a bit hard to know how to react.

But I doubt that your therapist told you that information expecting you to in any way take care of her. It was a for a specific reason, that session is over, and honestly, you don't have to bring it up again and your therapist wouldn't expect you to. It's okay to just leave it in that session. Really, it is.

[divine1966]

You don't need to follow up on that. Typically if a woman shares she can't have children you do not need to bring it up again unless maybe it's your sister or a daughter. You don't follow up on that. My t had heart attack so I will ask if she is feeling better when I see her next time. But that's different. You don't comment or follow up on women's fertility issues.

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[velcro003]

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

How do you respond to your T sharing personal details? How to not be too private/personal and at the same time not too ignorant or shallow in my comments to what she shared?

I generally don't respond to her personal details. I usually am looking at the ground or the opposite side of the room she is in, and let her talk. Once she told me how she'd fainted at an aiport because of her eating disorder, and i spontaneously said "Wow, that is scary!" to which she agreed.

I don't think she's looking for a response necessarily, it is probably intended to help you foster a connection with her or some therapist-y thing like that.

[LonesomeTonight]

My marriage counselor has shared lots of personal stuff, including that he has an anxiety disorder, too (like me). I don't really tend to react much to it. Once a year or so ago when he was talking about how he was helping his daughter deal with her anxiety when she was a few years younger, and it was very similar to anxiety I'd experienced at that age. H went to the bathroom, and I said to MC, "Is your daughter doing better now?" and then I quickly added, "You don't have to answer if you don't want!" and he was like, "Yes she is, thank you."

Then there was the stuff with his wife. Where he said some stuff, I overheard something in the waiting room, then he shared this other story in session (relating to something with H and I), and I kind of put the pieces together and realized his wife had a chronic illness that required someone to always be there with her at all times. (I knew someone in his household did, but thought maybe it was an elderly parent or something). It made me sad to realize it was his wife. I debated asking him about it, talked about it with T first (same practice), and then ended up sharing what I thought in session, saying he didn't have to talk about it if he didn't want to. He confirmed what I'd figured out, without being specific about the illness (I think it's MS or something like that), and answered the questions I asked. I could tell he felt awkward talking about it, even though he tends to share quite a bit from his personal life. Anyway, that was 4 or 5 months ago, and I haven't said anything about it since (though there was one story he told where he was talking about a "relative," where I'm pretty sure it was his wife, and I thought about being like, "You can just say it's your wife, it's OK," but then thought better of it.)

So I wouldn't bring it up again unless she does. Or unless you're talking about something around that topic, then, maybe.

[stopdog]

I pretty much just ignore it.

[Bipolarchic14]

I think people over think this stuff. Just react as you would to any other person but keep in mind she is not a friend but a paid professional there to help you. My therapist shares personal things all the time. She can do so because I recognize her as a normal person with successes and failures. I don't put her on a pedestal. I would hate a therapist that is a blank slate. If they can't be real with me then I won't feel comfortable discussing issues with them. I am not paying them to waste my time. I can get someone stuck up and distant for free anywhere!

[The_little_didgee]

I don't make a big deal out of it. When she shares personal things it is done mainly to demonstrate a point. My therapist must have real life experience for me to heed her advice. Her disclosures help me connect with her, because it shows me her human side, not the infallible clinician who is superior above all side.