why the need?

art im sorry you are feeling so raw and strange right now about your relationship with your T.im off to read your post .

the thing is i feel i could tell my T that i trust her .i feel i could tell her i look forward to my sessions with her . i dont always look forward to my sessions and my trust is sketchy at best. but i dont think she would have a problem with these things . it seems to me when clients start to tell aTt how attached they have become or how dependent they become that a therapist becomes freaked. it seems to be over the top or something .trust is ok dependence is not. they seem to push away hard. i get terrified about that because it hurts. in my experience with care workers dependence is bad . i see it as a trap when a T say neediness is ok ,dependence is ok . it ends badly because in the end it seems to not be able to be sustained .

They must *know* though, even if it's unsaid. I think that kind of thing is sort of obvious. It's like the talking about it makes them nervous.

They may suspect, but they can never be sure unless we tell them, and even then what we tell may not be the truth. For me, that is hy I guard my trust, and don't dole it out to just anyone, after never having trusted anyone.

I think reading these boards can be harmful in this respect. I am not saying you need to get all attached and dependent on your T and claim you're undying love for her What I am saying is just try your hardest to be as honest as you can when you are struggling with the relationship--if it affects how you are approaching therapy, it might be worth the risk.

I say that as someone who is going to go in my session tomorrow with my T with shame because I feel entirely too needy by e-mailing her too much,when i should just deal on my own. Yet, i am trying to be honest with her, because i've spent a lot of years not honest with T's, and that didn't work out either.

With my ex-T, even before I told her it seems so unlikely that she wouldn't have known. I acted so dependent.

I acted dependant too until my feelings became too much and I had to confess! It was like a bubble that needed popping. I wish I never bothered now as it has all back fired (regarding outside contact). The rejection I feel is sickening.

I don't know why I have the need to be so attached to my T but I know that she has encouraged the attachment and hasn't rejected me. She has changed the rules a few times but it wasn't rejection. When she realized how much holding her hand meant to me, she let me do it again. Even if she wishes I wouldn't email so much, she hasn't told me I couldn't do it. She's not abandoning me. She is encouraging me to be less dependent it, but not in a harsh way. It's not always easy, but I am managing a 4 week break, so something must be working!

The reason my T has stopped outside contact is because we're coming to the end of our time together for the summer and wants to discourage dependancy. I totally get this, and understand it but I wish she explained her boundaries better! I'll be asking her to explain boundaries in detail at next session...along with everything else I'm feeling!!

I feel love for my therapist too, but I would never dream of disclosing it. It doesn't seem right. But I don't really say that anyway, except my kids.

That must be very hard, itjustis. No outside contact for me is kind of like death. My T didn't quite understand this when she suggested, at my last session before this long break, that I try journaling instead of emailing her! Attachment is difficult stuff! I never realized how strong it would be. I feel like T is a magnet and I'm the pin.

This break is easier, I want to add, because I left, not T.

Granite, I hope these posts aren't hijacking your thread. I always want to tell you I admire you for how much good work you are doing in therapy. I remember when you didn't talk at all! It makes sense, with your history, that you don't want to attach to your T, that you don't want to complicate your therapy with the feelings many of us struggle with. You don't have to defend yourself. Where you are is just fine.

That is exactly how it feels. Like death! My emotions are all over the place. Like you describe it, my T is a safety magnet and i gravitate to her for my safe haven!! Her room is the safest place in the world for me. I might try and explain this to my T at next session.

It seems unnecessary. You're going to completely stop seeing her over the summer, why cut outside contact now?

Besides, at this point you are already emotionally dependent and doing this is just going to hurt you.

This is what frustrates me, I really don't know why, I wish I did. Unless it's something on T's part. I don't know but I'll ask at next session.

Ugh I JUST revealed my feelings to my T and am in DEEP regret over it. We've only had one session since I revealed but it just felt awful. I've thought about not ever going back. But I'm also so attached to him the idea of not going back is devastating. I felt like I had to reveal my feelings because they were so overwhelming but now I feel like I'm going to get totally cut off from the warmth he gave me that started the attachment in the first place. I'm in a therapy clusterf***.