[Roaming_bird]

I'm not doing too well. Today in therapy feels like a disaster. My T brought up going to every other week. I've been seeing her for years, and she's seen me through a great deal, including several hospitalizations and pretty severe s-i.

The past two sessions have been sort of slow, but that happens sometimes and in the past she's reassured me that it's ok and normal. I've had medium level of depression for the past three weeks after feeling really good for a couple of months. But today she said that sometimes therapy can do more harm than good if patients struggle to come up with things to talk about. She thinks my depression could be an unconscious sign that I unconsciously feel the need to find something to talk about. Again, she didn't say this was deliberate.

Possible trigger here: *********************************************************************************





What really hurts is that two weeks ago, I had a very distressing dream about my T and I and doing sexual things. It was super hard to talk with her about, but I managed. And I felt good that we were able to talk about the meanings and how it could relate to my history and my feelings. I didn't agree with all that she said, but that's normal. My depression has taken a little dip, but nothing major, although this is the first time it's happened since my bipolar became controlled with new med.

A couple of months ago, I self-injured with boiling water. In the late fall, I was hospitalized with a suicide attempt.

My T is a psychiatrist and it feels like we finally got the meds working. A major medication change happened, but it was very slow titration.

There's a lot of other things, but I don't want to write a novel. I was able to express my feelings and she agreed that dropping down wasn't a good idea, and actually, for one of the first times ever, suggested trying to meet once more this week.

I'm really hurting about this. I'm embarrassed by my reaction and what I feel like is neediness. I want to quit on her before she can quit on me. BPD traits coming out.

I've got to stop writing because I'm about to cry and my dd is upstairs and my dh will be coming home any minute.

[kecanoe]

I am glad you were able to express your feelings and that she suggested an extra session. I can't imagine t1 suggesting we cut back.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Roaming_bird: I'm sorry you have been having such a difficult day! It's great that you were able to talk about your dream with your T. I'd have to admit that one of the reasons therapy neither would nor could ever be truly helpful to me is that there is so much I simply could never talk about. I send healing thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find deep peace within...

[Bipolarchic14]

That is interesting. I asked about that in group once. If we are constantly having issues because we are over thinking every small detail. If you think about it many people get depressed and don't go to therapy at all.

I like attention from my therapist too. I think that is normal. We go to therapy and it is all about you for an hour. Here is this person who pretends to really care about you and make you feel ok. What's not to love about that! Seriously!

With that said my issues are real and I am sure yours are too. Whether I am in therapy or not they are real. I lived with the disorder for at least 10 years before I seeked any help at all. What my therapist and I focus on is using the skills I learned in the IOP this fall when I run into trouble. Do you use skills you learned?

I am sorry this happened, I am glad that your meds are starting to work and your depression is dipping.
Sometimes the process in therapy is unpredictable as you know from your own experience, it can be both slow and painful. I wonder is this to do with your dream, I wonder is this your ts stuff, not yours?
It's funny how this comes up a few weeks later, maybe a coincidence and perhaps I am being skeptical but it seems significant to me.
It sounds as though you are really struggling and could do with extra support right now and I am glad your t suggested an extra meet this week. Perhaps you could take a little control here and suggest that a cut back would be harmful right now and you feel extra support would be more benificial? I can understand how you feel like you are being needy but I see it as you being distressed and needing some support right now and there is no harm in that so please try not to punish yourself further for bedding a little support, you deserve it right now

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