Think I'm not getting much out of my current T

Hello...

I'm sure that this question gets asked a lot around here so I apologize if it's redundant but I wanted to get some thoughts...

I've been seeing my T for about 2 months now, we've had 5 sessions and I've always been kind of resistant to therapy (I've had some really bad experiences in the past) but I went in with a very open mind and am still concerned that my therapist is really providing much ... well ... therapy.

Basically each session has been very unstructured and mainly consists of her asking "what's new?" and then me talking at length about whatever issues I've been dealing with since the last session.

She does about 5% of the talking (during a one hour long session) and it's mainly just her asking questions to clarify what I've said or to give very brief opinions about whatever I've been talking about. There are LOTS of awkward pauses as I finish a thought and wait for her to respond.

I thought that the point of therapy was that she'd be providing me with proactive solutions to help with the symptoms of my MI such as coping skills, cognitive exercises, whatever.

I'm concerned that I'm not really getting as much out of this therapy as I should be and seeing as each session is nearly $100, I don't exactly want to continue going forward with the therapy. The problem is that therapists (who are covered by my insurance) are VERY difficult to find in my area, it took me months of searching before I could find this therapist.

Has anyone else dealt with a similar issue? What do you think I should do in this situation?

I would tell your t your concerns.

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I agree with Ellahmae that the best option might be to talk to your T about this, particularly if it would be difficult to find someone else. Have you tried asking your T about this already? It could be she has a whole bag of tricks but just doesn't know you want them. Good luck.

My T doesn't talk a lot either, but it's more like 20%, not 5%. He comments on each matter I bring up, and tries to show me a different perspective, or validate my feelings, or relay some anecdote that relates in some way. I think you should be feeling like you are getting more out of therapy than you apparently are. I'd say something.

(Sorry for my long story. If you just want to skip to the advice, you can skip the first paragraph)

I've been in a similar situation recently. I started with T1, who is so sweet and I feel comfortable telling her anything, about a year ago after a relapse. Shortly after I started with Pdoc1. I started to feel like I wasn't really progressing in therapy like you said. In addition to this, Pdoc1 did a crappy job of managing my meds so I wasn't in the best place. I expressed my concerns to Pdoc1, who didn't like T1 from the beginning, and he referred me to T2. T2 treated me like I was 5 and was just telling me stuff I already knew. Without telling Pdoc1, I went back to T1. Things got worse with Pdoc1, so T1 recommended us to Pdoc2 (who is AMAZING!!!). I finally told T1 that I didn't feel like I was progressing. Shortly after I believe, T1 started telling me directly that she did not know what to do to help me, but that she was happy to listen if it made me feel better. I again expressed these concerns with Pdoc2 once things got settled. Pdoc2 referred me to T3. I saw her once and then she told Pdoc2 that she didn't know what else to say or do for me. I then again went back to T1. I told her we got a second opinion and she was fine with it. I've been pretty transparent with her about the whole process. I think even though it hasn't been discussed directly, we both understand it is time for me to find someone else. Pdoc2 then referred me to T4 who practices EMDR (T1 only does CBT) and talked to T1 about that too and she was supportive of me trying it. She even told me to tell her if he was any good so she would have another person to refer to. Shocker, but I didn't have but 2 sessions with him. He was very set in his ways and thought he was always right so it was more of a personality conflict than anything. Pdoc2 gave us a name for T5 so hopefully we'll find someone.

I've been transparent about the whole mess with T1. She had been super supportive throughout the whole thing. I'd recommend doing the same with yours. I'd first express your concerns that you aren't progressing because like the others said, they might just not realize it. If they say they don't or you find it didn't change anything, I'd recommend seeing someone else. If you have a psychiatrist, you could ask them for a referral or straight up ask your therapist.

And honestly, I know it's hard to tell them that they are not doing a very good job, but remember this is YOUR therapy and you are paying for it! You can pretty much say whatever the heck you want. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve which are the resources you need to live the most fulfilling life you can. I spent a while waiting around to even get help in the first place and a while with Pdoc1 and I wish I had been more proactive and not been ok with care I knew wasn't helping me as much as it should. I wish you the best.

I'm in a similar position I guess - expressed concerns about the effectiveness of therapy and broached the possibility of ending it last session. He does enough talking (20 percentish), but as we parted ways a couple of days ago, he asked what I had learned from the session and I had to admit the answer was nothing, although he did reassure me that my general confusion is the result of a lot of strange environmental factors or something along those lines...anyway...there are some issues I haven't begun to go into yet...and if I do, I'd like it to be with this therapist rather than some other one. So I scheduled another appointment anyway...but it can take a long time (and subsequently money) to decide when to tackle these things head on and it could just be futile...in short - I'm as clueless as you...

It sounds like she specialises in listening, which is often a good place to start. From there she will presumably proceed to challenging.

However, if you want something more structured, you might want to look at CBT and DBT.

I found the "aimlessness" of therapy very annoying. I got used to it though.

When I pressed Madame T, she admitted there was no map except the map we draw as we go along. And she was not my guide in the sense that she knew the area, but in the sense that she had some general knowledge of geographical principles, eg that rivers run downhill.

(My words, not hers.)

Thanks for the feedback, all. I may give it a shot for one or two more sessions to see if things change.

I've been hurt and humiliated by a really bad T. He repeated my problems to several people in town and they had no respect for me either. They ruined my life without blinking an eye. Why? Guess they had nothing better to do for fun.

I suggest next time you see your T that you ask them directly for coping techniques. If you don't get a good response, find another T or give up.

The therapists who don't take insurance are not necessarily any better then anyone else. Maybe not taking insurance makes them feel superior in some way. It certainly doesn't make sense to be in the "caring" field and refuse to help people who cannot pay cash. Only the "elite" need apply??? How dare they. It's a waste of time and money. If there are any decent T's out there I would never find one because I have the worst luck. Hope things improve for you.