Inpatient

I called her my "shadow" when I had that years ago. Are they changing up your meds at least? Will that maybe help?

My thoughts are with you Pink.

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Looking doubtful, I'm still on special preventative watch/high risk. Unfair because I have done so much worse.

Perhaps they mean to give you a chance at succeeding in recovery?

It may seem unfair, but you have a rather poor track record of being on your own and doing yourself serious damage. They are trying to keep you safe. At this point I would guess they have a very low tolerance for any level of self harm you display because they know how quickly it can escalate for you. They need to see more than a few days without harming yourself at this point. Hang in there. They are trying to keep you safe.

And I don't understand how it took them this long.

You've been so ill and suffering so terribly. I don't know where you are but not every jurisdiction requires you to be suicidal to be admitted involuntarily. In mine, it's sufficient to have demonstrated an incapacity to care for yourself or risk of suffering grave harm and it sounds like you've been meeting both those criteria for a good while. Sending you gentle and loving thoughts.

I hear you. As I understand it, they are waiting for a bed for you in the intensive program, and while you wait you attend a day program. This arrangement from what you have posted does not seem to be keeping you safe. What is your vision for you and them, and your therapist to keep you safe till a bed is available for you?

A hospital can be the worse place to be for recovery from what you are going through, but unless you have another solid support system in your life to get you through, then maybe you may need to be there in this moment. So could you maybe for the moment relax, and enjoy having your phone, and diet soda. What other little treat can you get passed them to have a few more victories on your side while waiting for this obsessive compulsion to hurt Pink settles down a little more? What do you have waiting on the outside? The people on this forum are not enough. Right now, you are for the most part physically safe, and it's okay to rail against the system. I am not putting you down for that, I just hope you'll think before your next move. They will hear your demand for release, open the door, then what? You, will be repeating the same cycle again as you wait for a spot in the program you mentioned. Hang in there PinkFlamingo.

Many times, I am very direct with putting my thoughts out, and don't know how to finesse them, and can set people aback. It seems to be a cultural and family trait. If this is not helpful, please let me know.

I do believe that you want to heal and you can heal, and their are people, programs, and situations that will put you on that more solid path.

Is it a possibility they are taking your past (done worse), into consideration, and that's why the heightened alert? Just something to think about.

They told me I wasn't admitted for the cuts, but for instability and "signs of crisis." They also don't trust me.

Walkedthatroad, I have a bed in the psych unit. I was only supposed to be doing an intensive *day* program but the woman in charge decided I'm not well enough and now I can't be home. I'm on highest alert status too. Bleh.

I'm sorry you feel so terrible about it, but i think it seems clear that you haven't been keeping yourself very safe since you started the day program. Haven't you had to get stitches at least once since you started?

Thanks for responding. I understand you are in an inpatient unit now, but I was speaking about a specific one or two year specialty program, that I believe was inpatient? I was assuming what has been happening these last few months were stopgap measures. Anyway, I hope it all works out for you, and I am glad you are physically safe, and I am sure this is true for ALL your followers. I hope you can get a good and quiet night's sleep.

have you thought about residential treatment?

The 2 year specialized program is intensive outpatient

Doesn't really exist here unfortunately.

Yes. But it has gotten a lot better.

I have always thought you needed long-term inpatient (months) to get you to break your sh behaviors. I don't think PHP is intense enough for you. I know you don't want to hear that and probably don't agree,and that's fine.

I just want you better, whatever it takes. Sending massive hugs sweetie😘

Thanks everyone. I've now been admitted inpatient for about a week and I'mmot sure what'snext. I'm on "preventative watch," which is their highest decurity levelso I haven't set foot outside the door. No 15 min walksor trips tocafeteria. No day passes. I had a friend bring some clean hoodies to layer over the teal pyjamas we have to wear here, some deodorant, and a brush, and those small things felt much better. I had a tooth brush/paste in my purse already (you never know) but nothing to change into on top of my short sleeve turquoise scrubs, and anemia makes me COLD so the 3 brand new hoodies from old navy really help.

Apparently I let the anemia from blood loss get so bad that it was hurting my heart and they considered a transfusion but I'm just takinh the pills and muscular shots.

I think tonight I find out if I'm getting out in a few days to go back to outtreatment for days, or moved to the higher level ward for longer term inpatients.

Sending big Glad your friend was able to bring you a few things at least.

Thinking of you while you wait to hear what they say about discharge