What does transference mean?

Honestly, what you are experiencing may not be transference at all. Do some reading up on that and attachment as they are two very different things. Longing for a mother figure is not transference. Best wishes to you because it really is a rocky road, one which I don't think Ts really like to go down but one that can mean so much to us.

I'm guessing because you are trying to repeat patterns of what happened earlier in life. Like if you're used to attaching to people then being pushed away, then that's what you're expecting here. And if she's not pushing you away, then it's confusing to you.

I have a history of attaching to older male authority figures, much like you do with female, and have been pushed away some in the past. So I'm experiencing something similar with my marriage counselor (which is how I was able to explain what might be going on with you).

Do you find yourself "testing her" at all? Like, telling her something you think could make her reject you, just to see if she'll still stick around? Or, in my case, contacting outside of session maybe a bit more than I should (and then thinking when I don't hear back for a day or two that he's annoyed with or sick of me), sharing my feelings for him (love, which I did for the second time recently), etc.

Hope that helps a bit...

Yes, I did all of those things! I found our relationship to feel very on/off with me constantly afraid of and expecting her to leave me. I didn't want her to leave me. In fact, I felt so attached it was painful but I knew it was possible and expected it. It was only after I started to trust that she wasn't going anywhere that I felt more settled and the work could really begin and at the same time, I noticed myself being less clingy. I started to realize that actually if she did leave me it wouldn't be the end of the world. I would survive somehow, and I have done to prove it. I guess at my clingiest, I also felt jealous of or threatened by her co-workers, other clients, friends, family etc. because they were closer and more important to her than me. It was not good to feel this way It was shameful and embarrassing and made me feel like some kind of possessive weirdo