Couch 114 - Take a Pew

Hugs if you like that sort of thing.

Guys--how on EARTH am I going to be able to talk about sex and sexuality with my T?!?! She asked me some personal questions last night, and i literally cowered in the corner of the couch, with a pillow over my face, shouting "I WILL NOT ANSWER THAT QUESTION!"

I have never talked about sex/sexuality with any other human ever, and at 35, it terrifies me, not to mention being extremely embarrassing (for me). My T seems totally fine with the subject.

I talk about sex, I blush. At 42 it ain't cute. My ex-T didn't bring it up after I told her I was celibate and wanted to stay that way. While blushing, of course.

Good luck, you'll get through it.

I tried to get away from it by telling my T that maybe I am asexual. She doesn't necessarily believe me, though she is not dismissing asexuality.

I behave as though I am discussing the weather. I mean, it's a topic just like any other.

Think of it like this:

Her: So how was your sex life in your marriage? (I hear, "What was the weather like on your vacation?")

Me: Good, good. Some unexpected thunderstorms, but good. Calm mostly. (She hears, "Satisfying, not that exciting, with a few really passionate moments.")

Good way to think about it. I was talking to my t one time, and told him I had done some bad things that I wouldn't tell him. He went straight to asking me if it had to do with my sexuality/sex. Of course, it did. But I said, nope, not talking about it. Didn't say another word about it. I was extremely embarrassed. He seemed unfazed. Wow. Wonder all that he's heard before.

Also, countdown clock to my graduation!

Update. In case anyone was wondering, no, it had nothing to do with actually having sex. Just fyi.
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I'm sure T's have heard a lot of more shocking things than I could share about my sex life. It's natural and talking about it with friends or my daughter is different somehow. Still blushing though!

**trigger for words associated with sex*****

T and I had the most frank, honest, discussion about sex last week than we have ever had. T used words like penetration, and orgasm, and many more. T didn't skip a beat, I was surprised at the fact that my fave didn't turn all shades of red. You will get used to it!!!

Here for company right now.

Anyone willing?

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I've spoken to my T about sex recently. It was a bit awkward for me, but not terrible. We mostly spoke about me feeling like a slut. But then the other day we also talked about how I'm unable to orgasm on my current meds. That was funny to hear her say the word "orgasm".

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Having a lousy night. Already took one Xanax. Seriously considering taking another - which I haven't done before, though it's allowed. It'd be nice to feel a bit calmer.

If my t said words like that, I would be out of the room! Please. The torture!

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Hope it can get a little better for you tonight. Anything I can do?

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Everywhere I turn, people are trying to tell me to take medicine. Except one person: my t, whom I already told I would like to stay off of meds if possible.

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Are you sure it's the medications? Were you already on the meds when you started? Because for young women without a lot of experience it can sometimes take a while to orgasm regularly, naturally. It sorts itself out eventually.

It would be great if i could speak in metaphors...except i've never actually HAD sex...
Yeah...so we started talking about how the elephant that follows me around in my life is around my sexuality (the confusion of it), and that my sexuality is mine regardless if i ever have sex with someone or not...etc...so this was OK to hear. I didn't say anything, but was listening.

There was a pause....

And then she goes "So, have you ever had an orgasm?"

**Cue to me cowering in the corner of the couch, throwing the pillow over my face, and me yelling I WILL NOT ANSWER THAT QUESTION.***

I mean SERIOUSLY, T!? I was like "Way to dive in deep, T" But seriously...am i really supposed to talk about these things. YIkes. I did send her an email saying i have been really anxious since the session (even typing this out now is making me anxious), especially since i've never talked about sex or sexuality with another human, ever....and she said she feels priviliged to be talking to me about "the most natural thing in the world," and that if i hang in there, it will get less weird.

I don't know.

You do know that you answered the question even without answering it?

Practice on us. I'm pretty sure it's not against the rules.

But I didn't, not really. I can't even go there, not even in an anoynmous forum.

I have no problem with it. Go ahead. And by the way, I've never had sex, either.

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ahh yes, but i am 35, so it seems like a bigger deal to me, though i am NOT dismissing your age

Eh. No problem. But it's still okay to be 35 and a virgin.

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If someone buried their head in a pillow and yelled that they wouldn't answer that question, I would assume the answer is no.

I have a friend a few years older - 44 in June I think - who has never had sex. If that makes you feel any better.

Been really emotional since I write some more in my writing for my t. And I emailed him about it. So he know to expect it. I haven't been this honest in a long time, even though I have written him other things. They were deep, but, for some reason, not as emotional. And I'm afraid he will think of me as ever more crazy. I wrote something I was scared to admit. Just a little bit. Wow. I'm emotional right now. I think my mom is worried.

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It will get easier.

That's exactly what my T thought...

sigh. i am pretty sure i have, but that goes into the realm of...self-pleasure, and i am most definitely not talkign to my T about that! AHHHHHH.

Velcro, is this why you don't like a certain word sometimes used by us more raunchy/less classy Couchinistas?