[acceptance]

Last session, we were talking about certain situations that i avoid and how its best that i slowly face them.

only problem is...when i have been in those situations, i SHed to cope with anxiety, depression, anger etc. so i avoid them to take care of myself. So i am not tempted to SH.

I was not able to directly say this to T. I did not say anything actually.
i didnt know how to say it...it was very uncomfortable and i did what i always do...i kept quiet.

is there anyway i can say it in a subtle way..or just hint it..without actually saying cutting or self harm?
i find it very awkward using those terms. i want something that i can just casually say it...without being uncomfortable or making a big deal out it.

[Waterbear]

Cause myself pain

[Demunie]

I know what you mean. I avoid the word "cutting" whenever possible.

"Hurt myself deliberatly?"
"I have several cutting scars on my xxx( and they aren't from my cat)"
"injure myself"
"In this situations i use physical pain as coping mechanism"

You could write a letter and just give it to him, without saying anything.
Another possibility: just show him your scars and say something like: "that's why i avoid this situations". Actions are often easier than words, at least for me.

Does your T know anything about your SH at all? You don't want to make a big deal out of it. I think that SI is kind of always a big deal, isn't it?

[velcro003]

Has your T ever asked outright if you ever self-harmed or asked how you cope when you are feeling anxious or depressed? My T asked me outright, and I just nodded and said I use some negative coping mechanisms. She already knew about the drinking, and she asked if there were other things I was doing, and I nodded silently. She started off with "Do you shoot heroin?" Which made me laugh bc it was summer and I was wearing short sleeves and I think it was obvious I didn't, but she was like "I thought I'd get the big ones out of the way." She went down a list of usual self-harm methods, but didn't quite get what I did, so I eventually wrote it down, though it took a long time.

After the first time, it got easier to talk about:

[MobiusPsyche]

The first time is the hardest. I really encourage you to bring it up to your t somehow.

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[PinkFlamingo99]

Hurt myself

[skeksi]

My T asked me in our first session and I lied. I knew it was something that was important for him to know (and for me to share with someone else) so the next session I said I'd lied about something. After a lot of hemming and hawing I said I lied when he asked me if I ever hurt myself (which was not exactly as he phrased it, but it was a bearable term). I wouldn't say more until later on our treatment, but it was easier to go back to: "remember when I said I hurt myself?"

[LonesomeTonight]

You could start by saying that sometimes you think about harming yourself without actually saying that you've done it. That's how I ended up sharing with my T and marriage counselor, because I hadn't SHed in like 17 years, but was suddenly having urges. The fact that I'd discussed it already made it much easier to share once I actually did SH.

You could say something like you have trouble coping with your emotions in those situations and think about negative ways to deal with it, like turning it in on yourself. Then maybe he'll ask what you mean, and you can go from there. Or you could write it down/type it out and either hand it to him in session or else, if he allows out of session contact, maybe e-mail it to him before the next session.

[SheHulk07]

I think the first time I brought it up, I used the term hurt myself. Then T asked how I do, and I told him I cut myself. Now most of the time I will just say I cut when speaking with my T about it.

[ilikecats]

When I first told my T I started cutting, I left her a voicemail about it. That made it easier to talk about later.

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[acceptance]

Thanks everyone...all your suggestions r helpful...and are giving me confidence to talk about it.
when i was in deep depression, i was cutting daily...never told T about it..and he never asked or suspected. I never brought it up as i saw it as harmless and had no intention of stopping.

now i have stopped SH completely...i get tempted but i have been successful so far.

I am feeling more confident in telling him that before we delve into these scenarios...there is a down side for me...i may start hurting myself afterwards . there is no win for me here. i can stand tall and face it...then come home, and hurt myself.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by acceptance

Thanks everyone...all your suggestions r helpful...and are giving me confidence to talk about it.
when i was in deep depression, i was cutting daily...never told T about it..and he never asked or suspected. I never brought it up as i saw it as harmless and had no intention of stopping.

now i have stopped SH completely...i get tempted but i have been successful so far.

I am feeling more confident in telling him that before we delve into these scenarios...there is a down side for me...i may start hurting myself afterwards . there is no win for me here. i can stand tall and face it...then come home, and hurt myself.

If you talk to him about it, hopefully, before you work on those scenarios, he can help you come up with some other coping mechanisms, like a list of other things to do before SH if you're feeling the urges.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by acceptance

I am feeling more confident in telling him that before we delve into these scenarios...there is a down side for me...i may start hurting myself afterwards . there is no win for me here. i can stand tall and face it...then come home, and hurt myself.

I think you have to be ok with the fact that if you relapse, your T won't judge you. I've gone in many times in therapy to tell her I hurt myself, or drank, or did something else that wasn't exactly "good for me." She has never judged, just asked me what led to it, and we moved on.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by velcro003

I think you have to be ok with the fact that if you relapse, your T won't judge you. I've gone in many times in therapy to tell her I hurt myself, or drank, or did something else that wasn't exactly "good for me." She has never judged, just asked me what led to it, and we moved on.

Agreed. If you're used to people judging you and/or judging yourself, it can be rather jarring to have a T just accept you as you are and whatever you tell them and have done. I think we often have certain messages in our heads from childhood, like from how our parents or other authority figures would react to something we did, so we expect a T to react the same way.

There have been a few times when I felt like my T and marriage counselor would be angry with, disappointed in, or just annoyed by me, but they didn't express that. Like when I first told them I SHed, I was expecting them to have a judgmental or disappointed look, but they just looked at me the same as always. MC had been joking with me a bit in the waiting room before my appointment with T, and I'd assumed he must not have known about the SH because he was acting so normally toward me. But I found out from T that my p-doc had told both of them (well, my T already knew--and yes, I give them permission to share info) at their staff meeting earlier that day. Which surprised me. It was like, "I screwed up. Why aren't you judging me?" (regarding T, too). That lack of judgment can be healing. But of course you first have to be willing to open up.

[substancelessblue]

I hope you are able to talk about it. The very first time I mentioned it, kind of out of the blue after a few sessions, I said "I've been cutting myself a lot recently...Well, not just recently but doing it more lately." This was after a lot of silence, saying I had something that was hard to say and she said "In your own time." It was very difficult but a couple of years later I can mention cutting without feeling that terrible shame.

You might find it easier to write it down, or look at something else while talking. You could say you feel the need to do something physical when feeling distress. Or just say "hurt yourself." The first time is the hardest. But your T won't judge. They will just ask you practical things about how long it has been happening, how often, the extent of it, if anyone else knows etc. You may feel overwhelmed at first. But it will soon feel okay to talk about it. I wish you the best of luck.

[Stormyclouds]

Good luck