[substancelessblue]

I just want to know what my T would think I meant by the phrase “hooking up with random people.” I was talking to her about it a little last session and didn’t want to say what I really meant. I basically meant sex or sometimes just oral sex. But now I’m not sure if we are clear. I just struggle, especially in the past as a teenager, with sexual agency and alcohol and non-alcohol related risky sexual activity. But maybe my T just thinks I mean kissing since I’ve talked about “making out with random people” before.


She didn’t ask me any details, and I’m feeling nervous about next session. She used my phrase, "hooking up," when asking me about it but it could have meant anything. I guess “hooking up” and “making out” are supposed to be kind of vague and ambiguous. What would you assume I meant by it? Would your T understand? Maybe I’m not giving her enough credit, assuming a 50 year old woman wouldn’t know…

[atisketatasket]

I would assume that making out was kissing/heavy petting and that hooking up was something much more, probably sex.

You could ask if she knows what you mean.

[MobiusPsyche]

There have been many articles and news stories on "the hook up culture" in the past fifteen years so I also would assume that she knows it means sex.

If it's important to you that she knows, ask her about it.

If she thinks it's important to know details, she will ask you. Otherwise, euphemisms are there for a reason (to enable us to talk about things we might otherwise find to difficult to express).

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[SoConfused623]

Originally Posted by substancelessblue

I just want to know what my T would think I meant by the phrase “hooking up with random people.” I was talking to her about it a little last session and didn’t want to say what I really meant. I basically meant sex or sometimes just oral sex. But now I’m not sure if we are clear. I just struggle, especially in the past as a teenager, with sexual agency and alcohol and non-alcohol related risky sexual activity. But maybe my T just thinks I mean kissing since I’ve talked about “making out with random people” before.


She didn’t ask me any details, and I’m feeling nervous about next session. She used my phrase, "hooking up," when asking me about it but it could have meant anything. I guess “hooking up” and “making out” are supposed to be kind of vague and ambiguous. What would you assume I meant by it? Would your T understand? Maybe I’m not giving her enough credit, assuming a 50 year old woman wouldn’t know…

LOL, I'm 53 and I completely know that hooking up and making out are not the same thing. Hooking up = Sex LOL and BTW, I'm a female as well.

[Myrto]

Your therapist can't be so sheltered that she doesn't know hooking up means sex. But of course you could ask her whether she understood what you meant.

[LonesomeTonight]

Yeah, I suspect she knows what you meant, especially if you've also used the term "making out." I always seem to just say "I was intimate with" or "H and I were intimate last night," which I generally use to mean intercourse and/or oral sex. Particularly if I'm talking to my marriage counselor, since I have trouble talking about sex with him, since he's a guy and I have some transference. Though I feel awkward talking about it with T, too, and she's female.

[dontevenknow]

I actually used to think that hooking up meant making out but have found that most assume it to mean sex. I think age plays a role in it. ( i.e. If your 30 it is sex but 14 it means make out). I think as you said, it is supposed to be ambiguous because some people feel more comfortable with that. I used the term and my therapist asked me to clarify what that term meant to me I guess just to make sure we were on the same page.
So in short, your T probably assumes sex but if you feel it's important to distinguish you could just double check that she understood. Best of luck!

[substancelessblue]

Originally Posted by dontevenknow

I actually used to think that hooking up meant making out but have found that most assume it to mean sex. I think age plays a role in it. ( i.e. If your 30 it is sex but 14 it means make out). I think as you said, it is supposed to be ambiguous because some people feel more comfortable with that. I used the term and my therapist asked me to clarify what that term meant to me I guess just to make sure we were on the same page.
So in short, your T probably assumes sex but if you feel it's important to distinguish you could just double check that she understood. Best of luck!

Thanks, hopefully it will come out without me having to spell it out. I guess I'll get more comfortable talking about it with her. I suppose she knows what "hooking up" means, as many of you made clear! Not sure if "random people" is a weird phrase to her either. I guess she hides her feelings well.

[Prism Bunny]

You could call it sexual promiscuity and she would understand right away.

But most people know what "hooking up" and "making out" mean.

[substancelessblue]

Originally Posted by Prism Bunny

You could call it sexual promiscuity and she would understand right away.

But most people know what "hooking up" and "making out" mean.

Yeah, I have a bad feeling about that word as its connotations have always been very moralistic and judgemental. We will get there, I suppose!

[Prism Bunny]

Originally Posted by substancelessblue

Yeah, I have a bad feeling about that word as its connotations have always been very moralistic and judgemental. We will get there, I suppose!

True, but it would be something a therapist would understand. I think you should use your own words, though. Hooking up is understood, and they may ask you details about your interactions with others or why you have casual sex. And the obvious "duh" reasons is "Because I like it." Haha.

When asked, though, just remember they are not going to judge you off the bat. They did not spend years educating and molding their minds on thinking above the average joe/jane in psychology just to sit there and shame. If they try to shame or judge you, then get another therapist.

[substancelessblue]

Originally Posted by Prism Bunny

True, but it would be something a therapist would understand. I think you should use your own words, though. Hooking up is understood, and they may ask you details about your interactions with others or why you have casual sex. And the obvious "duh" reasons is "Because I like it." Haha.

When asked, though, just remember they are not going to judge you off the bat. They did not spend years educating and molding their minds on thinking above the average joe/jane in psychology. If they try to shame or judge you, then get another therapist.

Thanks, you really get where I'm coming from! Hope T is as understanding... I think you are right about them not judging though. I'll do my best

[pbutton]

I am 40, and to me, hooking up involves sex, and making out does not.